Undercover Brother Page #4

"we've got everything you need... " ##

Make it stop!

Make it stop!

## "Yes, here we go... " ##

Don't you

give up on me!

I see white people.

It's too much!

Too much!

Caucasian overload!

Caucasian overload.

Breathe.

Caucasian overload!

Breathe.

Breathe. Breathe.

That's too much white

for one brother to take.

You did good.

We need to make sure

the process worked,

so I called in an expert

on white culture.

"In season three

of 'Friends,'

what object of Julia's

did Ross see on his bedside table

the night

he kissed RacheI?"

Her saline solution.

He's ready.

Hi, there.

How are you doing?

What do you say there?

Howdy.

May I help you?

I sincerely hope so.

Today's my first day

at Multinational.

Oh, my.

Jackson.

Anton Jackson.

And no, not one

of the Jackson Five.

Here we go. You're in

suite 54. Tobacco division.

We need some fresh,

hip strategies to expand

our market share.

As it turns out,

I have just the product.

Here's one

of your cigarettes.

Take a good look at

it.

It's pale, small,

a little on the limp side.

It's basically inadequate.

It can't possibly give much

pleasure to the user.

- It sure can't.

- I mean, ask yourselves,

how many black people

are gonna want to smoke this?

- Not the one I know.

- "You have to effectively position"

your product

within the black consumer.

May I present to you

The Fatty?

Hmm? It's got that

hand-rolled look and feeI

that's so popular

with today's black youth.

It's big. It's full

of long-lasting pleasure

to be enjoyed again...

I could use a smoke.

Yeah? Good.

It's time to say goodbye

to Anton Jackson...

and say what it is

to Undercover Brother.

Whee-hee!

Now, that's

a long way down.

Hey!

Come in, Brotherhood.

Are you digging me?

Undercover Brother.

I'll transmit some

computer files about the General.

- See what you can do with it.

- Smart Brother:
"Right on. "

The chief wants you to stay undercover

until we decode this information.

- I can dig it.

- But be carefuI.

If they're onto you,

they might set up a trap.

I know this

is the wrong time,

but I wanted to let

you know,

I'm thinking about you, girl.

I'm bouncin'.

Shakin' a spot.

- Gone.

- Bye.

Bye.

Mr. Elias,

there's been a breach!

That afro!

I'd recognize it

anywhere.

The Brotherhood

is making their move.

Just as I expected.

It's time to release

our secret weapon.

I call it...

Black Man's kryptonite.

## "I want to be bad" ##

## "Make that look so good" ##

## "I've got things on my mind" ##

## "I never thought I would" ##

## "I want to be bad" ##

## "You make me feel so good" ##

- ## "I'm losing all my cool... " ##

- How's it going there?

What the hell?

Oh, dear.

Oh, what am I gonna do?

My gosh.

Look at this mess.

Oh, dear.

I'm so sorry.

Let me help you.

Jeez, that's sweet of you.

If I mess up my boss' report,

he's gonna have a conniption

with a capital K.

- Oh.

- Penelope Snow.

Anton Jackson.

I'm so sorry. Here.

Thanks, Anton.

You're so sweet.

And cute, too.

In a Theo Huxtable kind of way.

Are you new here?

Yeah, it's my first day.

Mine too.

- Really?

- Yeah, I just moved here

bringing nothing by my hopes

and my dreams.

But sometimes the big city

can be so...

...big.

A girl needs friends, Anton.

Would you like to be my friend?

Penelope:

## "We all know" ##

## "That people are the same"

"wherever you go" ##

## There is good and bad ##

## "In everyone... " ##

Hey.

## When we learn

to live ##

## We learn to give each other ##

## What we need

to survive ##

## Together alive ##

Both:

## Ebony and ivory ##

## Live together

in perfect harmony ##

## Side by side

on my piano keyboard ##

## Oh, Lord ##

## Why don't we? ##

Yeah!

Yeah!

## Ivory ##

## Ebony ##

## Oh-oh ##

## Ivory ##

## Ebony. ##

Penelope:
I didn't know you

had such a beautiful voice.

You know, you and I

have tons in common.

I know what it feels like

to be discriminated against.

I mean, just because a girI

has a healthy sexual appetite,

doesn't mean

she can't do her job.

- Uh-huh.

- They look at you

and all they see

is a threatening black man.

And they look at me,

and all they see

are my full breasts

and my narrow waist

that tapers

to my pert backside.

It's just not fair.

Huh-uh.

- Here you go, folks.

- Yum.

- And here's the extra mayonnaise you ordered.

- Yum, yum.

- "Enjoy. "

- This is the best stuff.

Have you eaten

here before, Anton?

No, I haven't.

It's my first time.

Oh, take a bite

of my sandwich.

Come on, Anton.

Just one little bite.

Scrumptious.

Penelope:

Oh, Anton,

I can't wait to see you

in these corduroys.

You're gonna

make me blush.

And you might not see it!

May I help you, sir?

Hello, fellow person of color.

How's it going today?

- What's going down?

- What are you doing with that girl?

- What girl?

- That girl!

- Oh, the white woman.

- Mm-hmm.

I'm undercover.

When you go undercover, you have

to do things you wouldn't normally do.

No matter how difficult,

how dangerous,

how good it might have felt.

Like having sex with white girls?

Damn it, woman,

would you just back off?!

Computerized voice:

Attention angry black man in khakis.

Golly, I must have tripped

or something.

Hi, Ton-ja.

Listen...

I was wondering,

do you have any dickies?

'Cause I couldn't

find them.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

Perhaps we're all "sold out. "

Aw, that's too bad.

Come on, Anton.

I saw a mock turtleneck

at Eddie Bauer

that's perfect for you.

Thanks for all your help.

Bye-bye, Ton-ja.

Bye-bye.

And action!

I want you...

to buy my new

fried chicken, that is.

Sure enough.

I used to work

for the Pentagon,

now I help you to get

your chicken on.

And for a limited time only,

order an eight-piece

Nappy MeaI,

and get a 32-ounce

malt liquor absolutely free.

- ## You be buyin' ##

- ## "Yeah, yeah" ##

- ## We be frying ##

- Woo-woo!

## "General's chicken" ##

## "The best chicken"

"in the 'hood" ##

## Yeah, yeah ##

- ## Legs, breasts and thighs ##

- Mm-hmm.

## "Sweet potato pies" ##

- ## "General's Fried Chicken" ##

- GeneraI:
"Lord have mercy. "

## "General's Fried Chicken" ##

## "It's butt kickin'" ##

## "General's Fried" ##

## "You know it tastes so good" ##

Announcer:

Introducing the Nappy Meal from G.F.C.

This chicken is the bomb.

At the General's,

we do chicken right-on!

Will you look at that?

The General's lost

his damn mind.

He's making a fool

out of himself over this crap.

Lance:

## "General's Fried Chicken" ##

## "It's butt kickin'" ##

## Hey, hey ##

What?

It's catchy.

Reminds me

of the Fresh Prince.

I like him.

He raps happy.

Chief:
Excuse me, sir. This is a restricted

- good God!

- Heya, Chiefster. Lance.

- Nice pants.

- Undercover Brother?

- Undercover Brother?

- What happened to you?

- He had sex with a white girl, that's what!

Was it everything I

dreamed of? It was good.

She had pink nipples?

Big ones.

- Yeah, big ones.

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