Undercover Brother Page #6

You see what's happening?

You see how we're

being corrupted by their

hip-and-now fashion,

and their cool slang

you can't help but use.

"Don't be dissing me!"

- No!

- "It's all that!"

You go, girI!

What's the dillio?

Who let the dogs out?

Hoo-hoo-hoo!

Whatcha talk about,

Willis?

- You know what I'm saying?!

- Uh...

Little by little we're blending

and merging until one day

we're all going to be

one united people

living and working

and dancing together,

like the news or "Ally McBeal,"

or the people that work at Saturn!

And we've got to stop it

before it's too late!

You heard The Man.

As of now,

Operation Whitewash

goes global.

Chief:
Jay-Z is doing

Lawrence Welk's Greatest Hits?!

John Singleton to remake

"Driving Miss Daisy"?!

Terry McMillan? "How Stella

Got Her White Man Back"?

Double damn it!

Black people all over

the world are losing their damn minds.

And look-

they've all been exposed

to the General's fried chicken.

Smart Brother, how's it coming

with this antidote?

I found one. But it only

works on one person at a time.

We have to stop

this thing at the source.

Undercover Brother,

you're back!

Hi.

Hell's wrong with you bringing

a white girl in my house?

She's working

with us now, Chief.

With my extensive

and intimate knowledge

of The Man's organization,

I can help you stop his evil plan.

Okay.

Smart Brother,

take White She-Devil to the lab

and find out exactly

what she knows.

You know, you're cute in

a Theo Huxtable kind of way.

Really? Usually

I get Al Roker.

"Here's what's happening

in your neck of the woods. "

Chief,

various brother agents,

I owe all of you

a huge apology.

I just watched this show...

"Roots"?

Maybe you've heard of it?

It taught me such

a profound lesson about bigotry.

I have sat on the sidelines

of race relations long enough.

I want to march down

that field of oppression

and kick that ball of bigotry

right over the goalpost

of intolerance.

Son, you talk a lot of sh*t. Yes, I do.

But you down.

What?

Are you kidding?

You're going to let the white boy

join just like that?

I was in secret agent school

for three years!

Three years.

I paid for them classes myself.

- You made me.

- Smart Brother:
"Chief. Chief. "

I performed a full range

spectral analysis

on Miss White She-Devil's

brain waves.

Then, I unlocked

her subconscious

using a special form

of hypnosis.

Then, I gently brushed

her hair.

Then, I reached

deep within

her tight little pockets

and I found a list

of The Man's targets.

Good Lord.

They're going after

James Brown

tomorrow night

at the Grammys.

We need to stop him.

Find the General and give him the antidote.

That's right.

It's goin' to the streets. Hey, y'all!

It's revolution

up in this b*tch!

Set the alarm

to def-con five!

It's on, baby. It's on.

- "Good work, White She-Devil. "

- Thanks.

Oh, you in too.

What the f***?! Chief!

I never see that b*tch

in my secret agent classes!

I'm still paying

the loans off, man!

I sleep

on a pissy mattress.

I ain't got

good food to eat!

I borrow money

for my weed!

I quit.

That's it.

Y'all don't got Conspiracy Brother

Jones to kick around anymore!

Give me a pillow case!

I'm joining the Klan.

Brother, we all love

your solo enthusiasm,

but this is about

working together.

Now, I've been a solo star

shooting the shots

that I thought

would win the game.

But in workin' with y'all,

I've come to realize

that only a team wins

a championship.

Chief:

Teamwork! That's right.

That's right.

I'm sorry, everybody.

Teamwork!

Now, let's go!

Hustle, hustle!

Come on, white girI!

Sistah Girl:

Best of luck tonight.

Have a great time.

We know The Man plans

to make his move tonight.

Now, Lance,

we're counting on you.

Don't get distracted,

be focused.

Stick close to the target

at all times.

Roger. Will do.

Boo.

Ah.

Announcer:

Ladies and gentlemen, James Brown.

- How you doing?

- "James Brown. "

- "I want to see my fans. "

- No, it's okay.

Wait a minute.

What's going on?

Perimeter search.

I'm on it.

What is that boy doing?

- "What's going on here?"

- Hey, Jimmy.

What?

Now, "I" feeI good.

God, man!

Sistah Girl:

Lance. Lance!

Announcer:
The hardest

working man in show business.

Go get him.

Announcer:

Thank you, James Brown.

No! Hey!

I just got promoted!

Mr. Feather:

Hello, Mr. James Brown.

Hello-ooo, Mr. James Brown.

Ah!

Good God!

You will soon be administered

a drug that will make you...

The signal's stopped.

It's James Brown touchdown!

- That's James Brown?

- That's mustard.

I can't believe I let him

get away. I am so stupid.

Hey!

Hey, hey, hey!

You got to stop

beating yourself up.

We got to work together

as a team, okay?

Yeah, man.

Let the team do it.

I'm playin' with him.

Stop playin'.

Hey!

Damn.

Hey, dawg. Hey.

You need to lighten up.

You know what I'm sayin'?

Just be carefuI with this.

If you smoke too much,

it's going to have you

all paranoid and sh*t.

It takes time to build up

a tolerance like mine-

What? Did you hear that?

Shh. Shh.

Hey, y'all,

did you hear something?

Shh, quiet!

There it goes again.

Guard:

Incoming vehicle!

- Don't you move!

- Hold it!

Don't you move!

- Identify yourself!

- I'm with Island Fortress Cleaning Service, sir.

Oh, okay.

Thank you.

- You so sweet.

- "Just the janitors. "

Let 'em through!

Smart Brother:

Lance. Lance!

So, Mr. Godfather of SouI-

- life as you've known it

will soon cease to exist.

Sorry.

Any final requests?

Say it loud.

Say it loud!

What's he doing?

Say it loud!

Say it loud!

Say it loud!

- Say it loud!

- I'm black and I'm proud!

Hey, man, I want to get up

and do my thing now.

## So good ##

## I got you... ##

Oh.

Hey!

I feel good.

It's time for the big payback.

Very clever,

Mr. Undercover Brother.

- Whoa.

- Sistah Girl:
"Can you dig it?"

Everything we'll need

to take it to The Man.

Hey, this isn't Taco Bell.

Can you find out

where the General is?

Just give me 10 minutes.

Conspiracy Brother: "Oh, sh*t!"

You've got one.

Mr. Elias:

Intruders.

The Brotherhood has breached

the communications room!

Everything's a party over here

with you people, isn't it?

That's not all.

The Man is on his way here.

Mr. Feather:

What? Now?

His helicopter will be here

in five minutes.

Mr. Elias,

would you kindly take care

of the nuisance

in the communication room?

Yes, sir.

Come on, let's go!

Yes, sir.

Right away.

- What have you done with the General?

- General?

Could you come

in here, please?

General, if it's not

too much of a bother,

would you mind terribly,

killing this man?

Thank you.

So I can always have something

to remember you by.

Come on, hurry up.

I wouldn't move

if I were you.

Damn!

Oh, sh*t.

Get off of me.

Sorry.

Excellent work,

White She-DeviI.

Come here, baby.

Damn, that girl

gets around.

How can you do this to me?

Once you've

had Undercover Brother,

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