Undercover Grandpa

1

Yeah, feel me

Yo, come on

It's your homeboy Preach

in the building

And we vibing

And we having

a reef good time

Sing for me, girl

Gonna have a good time

Ain't gonna worry today

Let the sun shine

on my smile

Hope you can come my way

Gonna have a good time

Ain't gonna worry today

Let the sun shine

on my smile

Hope you can come my way

OK, yeah

You and I, we could

rule the work!

Spend the most paper

Kiss all of the pretty girls

It takes belief

in your one self

That's more powerful

than anything

You pullout

your one belt

- Hi! Bye!

Super late.

- Wait! I forgot

to make you lunch.

- No, I have history!

I gotta get a good seal.

- You want history.

Check this out!

- Ontario, where

General Vladekh Komenkho

was caught hiding in what

appears to be pigs manure.

- Oh, that's gross!

- World's most feared tyrant,

in his day,

as was his father.

- General Komenkho

vanished a decade ago

during a global initiative

to end his reign of terror.

- OK, gotta go!

- No, no! Lunch!

- Mom, you gotta

slop doing this, OK?

I'm not a kid.

You're smothering me!

- Ta-la-la, la-la!

Don't forget

to wear your helmet!

- Yeah, yeah!

Don't worry!

Let the sun shine

on my smile

Hope you can come my way

Gonna have a good time

Ain't gonna worry today

Let the sun shine

on my smile

Hope you can come my way

- The 3rd Canadian Division had

penetrated deeper into France

than the British

or American troops

and overcome greater resistance

than any other beachhead.

Except Omaha Beach.

Now turn to page 69.

This is crossing

into creepy territory, Jake.

- Oh, that's good!

I gotta get that.

- Let me know when you start

collecting her fingernails

and used tissues.

- So, instead of learning.

Mr. Bouchard would rather draw

pretty pictures of fair damsels.

Mr. Bouchard, me thinks

you would be better served

taking notes

than sketching portraits.

Me thinks old people

should be seen and not heard.

- Mr. Bernstein?

- Sir, yes, sir!

I asked my mom to give me

a note to skip this class.

But; "No! Exercise

is good for you!

"It'll help build

your muscles."

What muscles?

I have the muscles of a guy

who spent too much time...

- Whoa! 63.8 miles per hour!

New high school record!

- Hello! Earth to Jake!

Why don't you just put

us both out of our misery

and ask Angie out?

- Ask her out?

What are you, nuts?

I grew up with her.

I've known her since I was 4.

- Even better!

It'd be like dating

your own sister.

In not a creepy-dating-your-

own-sister kind of way.

- What? No! Forget it. I...

I haven't talked

to her in years.

She won't even...

notice me.

- You can start by

developing a personality.

- I have a personality.

- "Moody loner" is a red flag,

not a personality.

- Shut up!

- Craig's throwing this

huge party tonight!

Ask her to go with you.

- No, I can't.

- Why not?

- That is why not.

Todd Tomzak.

- You guys ready?

- You ever see

that guy play football?

He's like a human

killer machine.

- "Human Killer Machine"?

That's a good name for a band.

You've been blackmailed

You see that?

She cold-shouldered Todd!

You tried to be a superstar

Didn't work

You went way too far

Next time, listen to me

- Jake?

- Hey, Angie!

Oh, no, no, no!

Please, keep it!

- I'm not really hungry, so...

Um. so. earlier.

In Sterning's class.

That was me, right,

in the... that picture?

- Uh...

You know what?

It's funny that you act-ask me

that, actually, because, um...

Yeah.

- Um. can I see it?

- Yeah, yeah!

Uh, sorry. Um...

Um, here.

Wow! This is, um...

This is really good.

- You think so?

- Yeah. Can I keep this?

- Yeah, sure. Totally!

Uh... You really

like that?

- Well, I mean, it's...

It's no Picasso, but...

- Well, that's because

all of your body parts

are in the right place,

or so I assume.

Uh...

- Um...

- Yeah.

Uh, speaking of body pans

being in their right place,

you probably shouldn't tell

Todd where you got that.

- Todd? Oh, we broke up.

Like, 2 weeks ago.

- Does he know that?

Just because on the field

earlier, he seemed really...

- Oh, um, yeah, you know.

He's been trying to get me back,

but I'm not interested.

- Really? Really...

Angie, you know, uh, Craig is

having this big party tonight.

And I know this is

really late notice,

and I'm sure you have

plans with your peeps.

'Cause you probably have peeps.

But I was wondering if...

- Are you asking me

out on a dale?

- You're right.

That was a stupid idea.

Shouldn't have done it.

Why ruin our friendship, right?

- I mean, we haven't

really been friends

since we were 4 years old.

- You're right.

But something like

this could ruin it

for, like, another

13 years, so, I...

- Um, how about you.

Uh, pick me up? 8:00?

- Wha... Really?

- Yeah, 8:
00. Does that

work for you?

- Yeah. 8:
00 is good.

8:
00 works.

- OK. I Will

see you at 8:
00.

- Yeah.

- Um, Picasso, you are

cute when you're confident.

- Uh... Confident. Got it!

- OK!

- So, how did it go?

Did she reject you?

- What? I...

She said yes, man.

I mean...

- You're kidding!

I'm headed up

Hit it up

Hit it up

Hit it up

Hit it up

Hit it up

Hit it up, up

I'm headed up

Live it up

Live it

Live it up

Live it up

[have brought peace to a nation

that was racked by civil wan.

- What can you about the

thousands of civilians

that you had executed?

- It is a lie. That is a lie!

All of that is a lie!

AH of you, that is a He!

Your accusations... Ah! Uh...

- Mr. Komenkho,

are you all right?

It's a heart attack!

- Jakey, is that you?

- Yeah, it's me!

- It looks like Ge-

- I've been home for an hour!

Where have you been?

- Sorry, I was getting ready.

What do you think?

- Very handsome.

Thank you for remembering.

- Remembering what?

- About tonight.

- What are you talking about?

- Second and last Friday

of every month:

dinner with Grandpa.

- No. No, no, no.

Not tonight.

- Why not tonight?

- I have a date tonight.

- You can see Wendell

another time.

- It's not with Wendell.

It's with a girl!

Please don't laugh.

- Sorry.

Seriously.

Who's it with?

- You know her.

Angie Wagner.

- Little Angie Wagner?

How is she?

- She's a hard 10.

That's how she is.

And I'm like a soft 6.

- Seven.

- If I blow her off.

She'll never talk to me.

- Grandpa only gels out of

that awful old-folks home

twice a month

for dinner with us.

- We can do it tomorrow night.

Any other night. Please!

- No, no, no! Twice

a month. no canceling.

Old people need consistency.

Otherwise they get confused.

- He's already confused.

He thinks he's being watched.

- Being in the armed forces

has made Grandpa a little...

- Crazy?

- Jake Bouchard!

You can see little

Angie Wagner aflerwards.

Your dad's here with Grandpa.

- Yay!

- Be nice.

- So, what tall tales is Grandpa

gonna tell us tonight, huh?

Nazi zombies?

Communist garden gnomes?

- They were suspicious-looking

garden gnomes.

- Yeah, 'cause in this house.

That's totally normal.

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