Undercover Grandpa Page #2

Hey, Dad, what's Grandpa doing?

- Oh, you know, there is

a van parked by the Grossbergs,

and he won't get out of the car

because he thinks

it's a surveillance van.

- Are the Grossbergs

having a circumcision?

- Jake, cover the TV, oh,

and the... the... the blinds.

- Blinds.

- Blinds.

I can't

Believe we still do this.

- The televisions are covered?

- They sure are!

- The one in the kitchen loo?

- Yep!

- Well...

That, uh, surveillance

truck finally moved.

- Yeah, of course, Dad.

- Hi. son!

- Hi!

- Let's eat.

- Let's do it!

- OK...

Are you enjoying

your chicken, Dad?

- Yes.

- OK.

- Did I ever tell you

that Sanders, right.

He was the worst cook

our unit had.

- You knew Colonel

Sanders, Grandpa?

- Are you kidding?

You know, during the

Second Occupation of Cuba,

Private Sanders, he used to

shovel mule poop, right?

So, there was no, "Finger

lickin' good," you know?

Trust me!

And, um, basically.

I kind of invented the style

of Kentucky Fried Chicken.

- Hmm! Here we go...

- Me and my men...

Not my men.

A special unit I had.

We called them

Devil's Scum, right?

We decided we were gonna

ambush this supply truck.

It was right off

the coast of, uh, Cuba.

It was right off

the shores there.

So, we go hi! it.

Right? Nothing in it.

But the cab was

full of chickens.

We're starving to death, right?

So, I tell Sanders;

"Hey, get that spice rack!"

"Throw them in there," right?

So 13 spices

and, uh, herbs later.

History was being cooked!

Hmm...

You know, on the box here.

It says 11 secret

herbs and spices.

- Jake...

- No, he is correct.

Sanders look out one herb

and one spice, so that's 11.

And that's why I don't get one

royalty out of the whole deal.

- You know what?

Can we spend a little

more time eating

and a little less time

in fantasy land?

- Jake Michael Bouchard! Shhh!

I'm sorry, Dad.

Jake's anxious because

he has a dale tonight.

- Oh.

- Really?

Like, with a girl, or...

- Why is that so...

- Hatch yourself

a little hot chick?

- Yes, actually.

- Anxious to get out...

- Mom!

- Dad...

- OK. All right.

Listen. You have

some protection?

' Mom!

- Dad!

- What the heck!

What's the matter?

What? Are you ashamed?

Is there something

to be ashamed about that?

Well, that was awful.

- Mom, he's nuts!

He lives in a fantasy

world, and you guys...

He's doing it again!

He thinks the house

is full of microphones.

He's pulling Xs all over

the wall. It looks awful!

- I expect you to

offer him a full apology

when you drive him

to the nursing home.

- Drive him? No.

I'm not doing that.

I gotta take Angie!

- Your dad and I

are going to the airport.

I still have a

million things to pack.

- He's gonna ruin my dale

before it even starts!

- You're the only one

who can do it.

And you know your

grandpa won't take a taxi.

- Could we FedEx him?

Look, Angie.

I am so sorry.

I had no idea this

was happening tonight.

- It's fine.

It's nice that you

and your grandpa are close.

- Are you sure you're OK

to get to the party?

- Yes, totally! It's fine.

I'll meet you there.

- OK, great! Hey, try not to

have loo much fun without me.

- OK. Well.

No promises. Picasso.

- OK, bye.

- Hey, Grandpa, I just

wanted to, um, apologize

for what happened at dinner.

Tonight means a lot

to me, and I, uh...

I didn't mean to dis you...

Disrespect you.

- We getting hi!

Or something?

- Hello?

- Hey, Picasso!

Guess what? My ride died on me.

It's leaking oil or something.

- Yeah? Are you, uh, you OK?

- Uh, yeah. I look a shortcut

and ended up on Rambler Street,

right in front of the old

abandoned sock factory, so...

Not the best neighbourhood

to be stuck in.

Can you, uh, pick me up?

- Um... You know what?

I actually still have to

drop my grandfather off.

Could you give me.

Like, uh, 30 minutes?

- I can call Todd.

He's got a full set of tools.

- No! No, no, no!

No, no, no!

I'll, uh...

I'll be there.

Just, um...

Just don't move.

- Ah, that's my boy!

Battle of the Bulge, huh?

- Mmm... OK.

You know what, Grandpa?

When Angie gels in the car.

I need you to

just not talk. OK?

I just need you to be

my normal grandfather,

like everybody else's

normal grandfather.

Just for, like.

A few minutes. Please.

Grandpa, do you hear me?

- Uh, yeah, normal, uh...

normal grandfather.

- International reaction

to Krakhovian warlord

Vladekh Komenkho's

sudden death is mixed.

French president Jacques Dum...

- Komenkho, man.

I knew his father.

He was a terrible dresser. man.

But he had some

nice teeth, but, you know...

- This is where

she said she was.

- You sure about that?

- Yeah.

Yeah, there's

the old sock factory.

OK, let me call her.

What are you...

Oh God!

- This her phone?

- Yeah, it is.

Hmm... She must have

called the Auto Club.

And then dropped it somehow

when they picked her up.

- Yeah, here.

Hmm. Perfume...

gasoline...

and manure.

- What does manure

have to do with finding...

What are you doing?

- Looking for footprints.

Ah, there's more

than one of them too.

That's not good.

- What is that stuff?

- It's called luminol, kid.

Hey! Hey, where are you going?

Grand...

Grandpa!

- Over here!

- Crazy old man.

Hey! What are

you doing?

You can't just wander off

like that, all right?

- What are these

lire tracks doing here?

- Who cares?

- These are Goodyear EV330s.

Issued to government

vehicles only!

The same ones were

on the ambulance

and the SUV that

passed us earlier.

- OK. So, they're EV 30...

whatevers. Can we go now?

- I think your girlfriend

got herself mixed up

in something really bad.

- For the last time, Grandpa...

- Really bad.

- She's not my girlfriend.

And if I don't

get to that party,

she never will be, OK?

OK...

- What are you doing?

- Calling Wendell.

He's at the party. He's gonna

tell me that Angie is there.

- Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Wait a minute.

I'll tell you what:

If she is at the party,

you take me to the home.

Feed me a tuna-fish sandwich.

Pa! me on the head.

And we're done!

If she's not there.

We do things my way.

Deal?

- Fine.

- Not fine, "deal."

- Deal.

- Yellow!

- Wendell! Are you at

the party? ls Angie there?

- No, she isn't.

Craig's folks didn't leave town.

Party's cancelled.

- What, are you

serious? Wha...

Do you... do you know

where she could be?

- I've got more

important things to do

than survey the whereabouts

of your girlfriend.

- She's not my

girlfriend, man, OK?

I'll (ilk to you later.

- Let's go!

- Where are we? And what

are we doing here?

- It's an underground

arms dealer.

These guys may

help us figure out

where they look your girlfriend.

- Yep, whatever

you say, Grandpa.

- You know what this is?

This is a spent shell from

a Tokarev automatic handgun.

- Where'd you get that?

- The ambulance lire tracks.

We're right there. Let's go.

- What's the password?

- The moon landing was a fake.

Automatics on this side.

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