Undercover Grandpa Page #3

Pack 'em up over there!

OK, close this one up.

- Don't touch that, kid.

Those are MID 69

super-EX mines.

Unless you'd like to be

barbecued to a crisp.

Boom!

- Come in!

Have a seal.

- Thank you.

- So, what can I do for you?

- Um...

You ever seen

any of these before?

- You a cop?

- Uh, military intelligence.

- Your kid?

- Grandson.

- Hello!

- Let me see that.

Tokarev, 7.6 mm.

Hmm. Nothing new.

- Did you unload

any of those lately?

- What's it to you?

- Well, you see.

My grandson here.

His, uh, girlfriend

got kidnapped

and, uh, I found that

right at the place

where we believe she got taken.

- And why should I care?

- Well, because in

about 10 seconds.

I'm gonna take down

this big gorilla of yours,

put the other goon away

and put this one in a coma.

Then when I ask you

the question again.

You'll be in a world of hurt.

- You know what I think?

- No.

- I think you should play nice

and go home with your grandson.

- Grandpa?

- OK.

See, I'll be! that

you're thinking:

"Who is this old man

standing in from of me

'Who's not afraid?"

Am I right?

And you're also thinking.

"What does this guy know

that makes him so fearless?

"He's crazy," right?

That's what most people

think:
"He's crazy!"

But then again.

Maybe he's not so crazy.

Maybe he knows exactly...

what he's doing.

- All right, enough.

- Ah!

- Holy!

- Help the boss!

- Come on!

- Tell 'em to put them down.

- Put your guns down.

- Get up.

On the ground, boys.

Don't move anywhere.

Come here.

Now I'm gonna

ask you that question:

Did you move any

of those shells lately?

- Um, just last week, buyers

from out of town wanted some.

- And?

- And they took full crates of

automatics and weapons and ammo.

- You wouldn't happen to know.

Uh, anybody's name, would you?

- No, uh, some mercenary

from "Krishkrash." I don't know.

- Krakhovians?

- Yeah.

- Komenkho.

- Mm-hmm.

- The guy from the news?

- Son, you slay right behind me.

Boys, face the

other way and walk.

Don't look back.

Just keep walking.

Come on.

- Police! Everybody.

Hands where we can see them!

- Hands in the air!

- Hands in the air! Don't move!

- Sir, please

put your weapon down.

- Leave those two alone!

These... are "friendlies."

Good evening.

Major Crawford.

- How you been?

- Meh.

- Hey! You're the rabbi that...

- Mr. Bouchard...

I'm Captain Steinberg

with ASPIC.

Well, one might wonder

why we should find you here.

This is very unexpected.

- I want to talk

to Maddy Harcourt.

- Who's Harcourt?

- She's wailing for you.

Please. follow me.

- Come on. let's

follow protocol.

- Take off the cuffs.

Please leave us.

Mr. Bouchard...

- Oh, please, call me

Jake, or Jakey.

My grandpa calls me Jakey.

Um, where is my grandfather?

- Don't worry,

Mr. Bouchard. He's close.

I'm an old friend of his.

Madeleine Harcourt.

Your grandfather and I

served together.

- Oh. Uh, were you

one of the Devil's Scum?

- Excuse me?

- The Devil's Scum.

Uh, Grandpa's old

special forces unit.

- He told you he was

in a special forces unit?

- Oh, I... I won't,

like, say anything.

I'll... I'll keep it

to myself, I promise. Shhh!

- Uh, Mr. Bouchard, what else

did your grandfather tell you?

- Uh, where

do I start? Uh...

Let's see... He told me

about North Korea.

He told me about Mao

and how that Argo movie

was all wrong or something.

Uh, what are you guys

doing about Angie?

- Angie?

- Yeah, she's my...

Uh, we were supposed

to pick up a girl.

Her car broke down.

And then we got there.

She wasn't.

Grandpa thinks she's

mixed up in something.

She was kidnapped.

- Mr. Bouchard, did your

grandfather ever mention to you

that he received a Section B

from the military?

- Uh, I don't understand.

- Your grandfather hasn't been

on the active-duly

roster since 2005.

He was found

mentally incompetent.

- But he's not ment-

- Perhaps it was stress.

Maybe shell shock.

We had him on desk duly

for a few years.

But sometimes an idea pops into

his head and he runs with it

without realizing

how insane the idea is.

It's actually quite impressive

how detailed the fantasy world

is he can create.

- OK. But what about Angie?

She's still missing.

- You don't know where she is.

Doesn't mean she's missing.

We'll look into it.

I'm sure she's fine.

- I... The... the...

The shell casings!

He found 2 shell casings

at the place

she was supposed to be.

- Did you happen to see him

pick up those shell casings?

- Well. no.

- Part of your

grandfathers dementia

is that he collects all sorts

of odd bits of military junk:

spent shells, old scraps

of enemy uniforms...

He's probably been carrying

those shell casings around

for the last 20 years.

- So, he didn't lead

a raid on Mao's villa?

The French Foreign Legion.

The-the affair

with the double agent...

- All fantasies.

- Ah! I mean...

Wait. No, no, no!

He look down that big guy

at the garage where

the rabbi picked us up.

That guy was huge.

He used his bare hands.

You should have seen it!

It was amazing!

- Even old people.

When they have to.

When they need to, they can

turn it on for one last mission.

I know this is hard for you.

Your grandfather

loves you very much.

But he can no longer

function by himself.

Well, not until we get him

back on his medication.

- So, what happens to him?

- We're going to move him

to a veterans hospital.

In a few months, you'll

be able to see him again.

We've left word

for your parents.

I'm sure once they get it,

they'll come straight back.

Everything's going to be fine.

- Yeah, sure.

Take good care of him.

Mr. Bouchard...

- Hey! Hey, you guys, in there!

Hey! Look at me!

Look at me!

I am not moving. OK?

You get Madeleine Harcourt

to come in here.

I am not moving!

Take a look right here.

I'm gonna stand here like

a rock, OK, until I see her.

You got me?

Hey! Maddy.

I, uh...

- What? No salute for

a superior officer?

I'm a commander now.

- Oh! Then, um.

There you go, Commander.

Uh... You always did like

being on lop anyway, huh?

- My, oh my!

- Where, um...

Where is my grandson?

- We're taking good care of him.

- Well, I'm sure you are.

And the Angie Wagner situation?

- Uh, yes.

Jake's girlfriend.

We found her car in a garage

where she had it lowed.

She's probably having

a great time with her friends.

Sorry she stood up

your grandson.

He looks like a nice kid.

- He is.

Come on!

No, no, no, no!

- 911. What is the nature

of your emergency?

- Hello. My name

is Angie Wagner.

And I've been kidnapped.

Um... My car broke down.

And there was an ambulance

and these SUVs.

And they shot 2 people!

He did! That man from the TV.

- OK, Angie, calm down.

Tell me where you are.

- He... he... he saw me.

And he look me to, um...

I don't know. It's-it's...

It's somewhere by the water.

Look, I got out of the room

they were holding me in

and I got this phone.

But I don't know when

they're gonna be back...

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