Underdog

[# Underdog theme]

[Man] Ladies and gentlemen,

this is Simon Barsinister,

the wickedest man in the world.

He was evil and crazy.

Simon and his wacky henchman, Cad,

schemed to rule the universe.

But each time they were foiled by me,

the greatest superhero

who ever lived... Underdog!

[Man] Ladies and gentlemen,

I come to you this evening

to discuss the growing problem

of crime in our city.

Here in front of me

are files of unsolved cases.

[Underdog] We're getting

ahead of ourselves.

That's me in the uniform.

I was raised, since I was just

a little puppy, to fight crime.

Never had a family

or a place to call home.

I was raised with one purpose

and one purpose only:

To help people, to keep them safe.

Nothing was going to stand in my way.

[Barks]

- [Man stops speaking]

- Easy, boy.

- HoWever, to the families involved...

- You got something, boy?

- [Barking]

- What Was that?

Alpha Dog has got a lock on the stage.

I think it's the boxes.

Criminals should not be alloWed

to keep their freedom.

- [HoWling]

- Clear the building!

[Man] We need SWAT here, now!

Please hurry, your honor.

[Man 2] Everybody out!

Blue team, go, go! Move!

[Electronic beeping]

No radiation.

No metal.

TWeezers, and We'll lift.

Easy. Right doWn the side.

Yeah. SloW. And slide.

I bet you didn't know

a beagle's sense of smell

is 55 times stronger than a human's.

[Sneezes]

Well, mine's not.

It's a gift from

the American Pork Association.

[Laughter]

I Want a full debrief, now.

[Laughter continues]

[Dogs barking]

[Dogs laughing]

Nice Work, rookie.

You found an exploding ham.

Quiet, I smell a bomb.

You! You should just

turn in your tags.

[Dogs continue laughing]

All right, I'll be honest with you.

I wasn't the best dog on the force.

In fact, I was probably the worst.

The ham was just

the latest of my mistakes.

Like the time I chewed the extension

cord and it was plugged in.

Or when I met that cute poodle

and it turned out to be a guy.

It's hard to feel destined for greatness

when you keep messing up.

But, destiny's a funny thing.

It'll creep up on you

when you least expect it.

Gotcha.

Last one for tonight.

[Dogs barking]

Excuse me.

Uh, there's been a big mistake.

I'm not a stray.

I shouldn't be in the pound.

This ain't no pound, son.

This place makes the pound

look like the dog park.

By day it's OK, but at night,

once everyone's left,

that's When the freaky stuff happens.

What kind of "freaky stuff?"

- What did they do to your hair?

- What's Wrong With my hair?

[Stammers] Nothing. Nothing at all.

You Were saying about

the "freaky stuff. "

All I'm saying is When the guy

in the White lab coat

pulls out the giant needle, run!

[Laughs maniacally]

[Whistling]

Hey.

Welcome to the graveyard.

Yeah, nice and quiet,

just like I like it.

Uh, sir, excuse me.

We're not open right now.

There's no access to the labs.

Oh, really? I'm sorry.

That's all right. Don't Worry.

Oh, Wait. What's this?

What does this say?

Uh... "All Access. " Sorry.

It's OK. You all make mistakes.

But I forgive you.

Because that's the kind

of person I am... humble.

A humble genius.

[Man] It's OK.

Let him in.

Please.

Again, I'm sorry, Dr. Barsinister.

- I'm terribly sorry.

- It's OK. HoW Were you to know

that I am the most important scientist

this company has?

You couldn't have.

[Elevator bell dings]

- [Barsinister] Who's the neW hire?

- Him? He, uh, used to be a cop.

I was thinking that maybe

We should take it easy

on the after-hours stuff.

You know? Clandestine.

A three-syllable Word? I'm impressed.

I bought a, uh...

[mispronouncing]... thesaurus.

Good for you.

But even if he is an ex-cop, We don't

have time to skulk about. Look.

"Police Dog Training. "

It's a great idea.

Why didn't you think of that?

Because training is a fool's process.

I've met With the mayor,

and I told him hoW We could

take this city to neW heights

through genetic manipulation.

[MeoWing]

- Yeah? What did he say?

- The fool actually laughed at me.

That happened to me once.

I had my pants on inside out.

Nobody told me for the entire day.

- Stop talking now.

- Oh, right. Right.

I'll be the silent partner.

Just because you're the only one here,

Cad, does not make us partners.

WoW. A real-life mad scientist.

Yeah, and he ain't even mad yet.

All right. Bring me the neW dog.

Your lucky day.

[Barsinister] And now,

the most important DNA.

- [Whimpers]

- [Barsinister] Oh.

Don't Worry, little guy.

It Will only hurt... a lot.

OK, let's do it, partner.

[Sneezes]

Gross! Your mouth was open!

Just hold him.

- [Barking]

- [Screaming]

[Cad] Hey, Doc! Get him!

Get in the game, Doc.

He's right there.

No, no! No, no!

My research!

- The serum.

- [Cad] He's going for the door!

Run, boy. Run, run!

Bring me a cheW toy from the outside.

And maybe some hair gel!

[Gasps] It Works.

- [Screaming]

- Doc!

[Indistinct chatter on police radio]

I'm pulling the security tapes

and running a computer sWeep

- of Dr. Barsinister's research.

- Dan, We'll handle it from here.

When there's a crime, they call a cop.

When someone Wants to

sign into the building, they call you.

- [Laughter]

- Right.

That's Why you're the chief.

With a big filing cabinet

marked "unsolved crimes. "

Hey, guys...

Yeah, that was some night.

I was homeless and hungry.

And just when I thought

it couldn't get any worse,

these numbskulls show up.

[Male dog] Hey, runt. You lost?

- The name's Riff Raff.

- He's Riff Raff.

- I've marked this territory.

- Yeah, he marked it.

Look, I don't Want any trouble, OK?

Well, then today's your lucky day, mutt.

I'd rip you to pieces,

but I don't Want to get my paWs dirty.

Yeah. You're not

Worth his time, fleabag.

- [Chuckles] Fleabag. Yes.

- Get him!

SWeet. We're going to get him.

Come back here!

That mutt dumped my trash.

Come on. Get him, boys.

- He thinks he's a greyhound.

- Look at him go.

[Riff Raff] I'll eat

that runt for dinner.

Dibs on leftovers.

- [Tires screeching]

- Oh! Speed bump.

- What a Way to go.

- I'm With you, boss.

Let's get out of here.

[Dog Whimpering]

Hello?

[Whimpering]

Hey, I thought I clipped you.

What are you doing? [laughing]

You're a funny little dog.

Come here. Come here.

Let me see. Where's your collar?

Oh, is that a kiss?

Where's your collar?

You don't have a home?

Why don't you come home With me? Huh?

We got a nice home, just for you.

- [Engine starts]

- What are you doing out that WindoW?

I know what you're thinking.

He just hit me with his car,

and I climb in the front seat.

Look, I may not be able

to smell a bomb,

but I can smell a good person.

- [Keyboard clicking]

- [Boy] Please excuse Jack Unger

from any and all activity

because he has a bad cold.

No, too simplistic.

He has shingles.

No, I already used that.

Come on, Jack. Dig deep.

[Sighs] I got one.

Perfect.

[Dan] Hey, Jack,

you ready for school yet?

- Yeah.

- Come on out back.

Rate this script:4.3 / 3 votes