Unfaithfully Yours

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j&j& [ Classical ]

2

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I tell you, you've got nothing

to worry about.

3

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- The plane is perfectly safe.

- Can I have -

4

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- It ran a little low on gas when it got

into all that fog, that's all.

- Thank you.

5

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So they had to set down in -

Give me that one again, Max.

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A rooster? Oh, Aroostook.

7

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Aroostook. And where is Aroostook

supposing to be it shouldn't happen?

8

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It's in the general neighborhood

of Nova Scotia.

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And from this general neighborhood,

maybe you can tell me...

10

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how tonight at philharmonic

he is a concert conducting?

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By "telewision, " I am presuming.

12

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Is it a very bad fog?

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- Make him tell me the truth, Hugo.

- Of course it ain't.

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- Don't worry, honey.

-[ Man ] It's hardly a fog at all, madam.

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It's - It's more of a mist, really.

More of a -

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- Yes, Max?

-Just something to make the engines run better.

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- Don't worry, darling.

- Correction, please.

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- [ Woman ] What is it?

- It was not Aroostook. It was Antigonish.

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And where is this mudhole,

if I ain't too optimistic?

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In the general neighborhood

of Nova Scotia, I believe.

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- [ Hugo ] What a neighborhood.

- Hugo, do try to find out.

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- Correction, please.

- Shh.

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It turns out it wasn't Antigonish after all.

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It was Apohaqui.

And it didn't get there, it left there.

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- Apohaqui!

- Then where is it now?

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In the general neighborhood of Nova Scotia.

Where else?

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[ Man ]

Far, far from it, my friend.

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As a matter of fact, there it is, coming in...

29

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- Hooray!

- directly behind you right now.

30

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- What an airline.

- There is one reassuring thing about airplanes...

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- they always come down.

- Come on, stupid.

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[ Bell Dings ]

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[ Hugo ] Am I glad to see you, Alfie .

Again Wolfgang is sick.

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So our concert got to be shoved up.

Tonight we are giving it yet.

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Did you think of me every night?

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Of course I did, my love.

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Did you take my picture to bed with you?

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Of course I did, my darling.

39

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Are they kidding? If she wasn't my own sister,

I'd have a name for her that'd make -

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Dream of me after you went to sleep?

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Every single night, my love.

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- Only I - I didn't sleep very well.

- Will somebody get me an ice pack?

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Put 'em back on your nose

and learn something.

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At least did you get some rest

on the plane last night?

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- Frankly, not a particle.

- Oh.

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Then I'm going to take you

right straight home...

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put you into a nice hot tub -

48

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I really don't think

they ought to do this in public.

49

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Of course, it's better to do it in public

than not to do it at all.

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[ Woman ]

And then we'll have our little nap.

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And then I'll wake you up with a nice

frosted bottle of brut champagne.

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I found same Pol Roger '34.

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- And then-

- You see, some men just naturally...

54

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make you think of brut champagne.

55

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- With others, you think of prune juice.

- [ Laughs ]

56

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You have nothing to laugh at.

57

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So then you'll go down

and rehearse your men.

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- Oughtn't that to be time enough, Hugo?

- Look...

59

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it ain't as if you was

a rehearser anyway.

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He's a hypnotist. Out of what dogs

have I seen him coax it out of.

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Of course it'll be soon enough.

It's the men who really count.

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All I do is wave a little wand a little,

and out comes the music.

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A little magic wand, darling,

dipped in a little stardust.

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[ Bell Dings ]

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j&j& [ "Jingle Bells'' ]

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- j&j& [ Cranks, Stops ]

- [ Speaks Foreign Language ]

67

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Don't that drive you nuts, always leaving

you hanging up on the meat hook like that?

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[ Man ]

I confess, it is quite irritating, sir.

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I suppose I ought to wake him up

if he's gonna see anyone before the concerts.

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Oh, give him a couple of minutes.

Ain't you ever been in love?

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j& Da, da, da, da, da, dee j&

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j& Da, da, da, dee j&

73

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- j&j& [ Piano Continues ]

- [ Knocking ]

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- I'm so sorry.

- Oh, isn't it customary to knock

before coming into a bedroom?

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- Or am I just old-fashioned?

- I did knock, Sir Alfred.

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- Extremely sorry. I didn't hear you.

- I just wanted to make sure you were awake...

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and ask you what to do about

the morning delegation of crackpots.

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Oh, dear.

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Among them a lady reporter who wants

to know why you conduct with a stick.

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What's she expect me to use,

an umbrella?

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- She says Stokie uses just his hands.

- Ah, but they're so beautiful.

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So large. So white. So free and easy on the draw.

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