Unfaithfully Yours Page #2

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Mine look more like nutcrackers.

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- Here, darling.

- Thank you, sweetheart.

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She also wants to know why

you conduct from a score.

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Because I can actually read music.

I also play an instrument, the flageolet.

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- Don't forget to tell her that.

- Certainly, Sir Alfred.

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- I'll get you a light.

- Thanks.

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Also, Mr. Pedasta, your concert master,

would like to discuss with you...

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the fingering in the fourth, fifth

and sixth bars before letter "H"...

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in the Tannhuser overture.

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Oh, dear. The fingering's standard.

What's the matter with him?

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He says because it's the Paris version

with the Venusberg music.

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- Do you want the French fingering?

- That old story.

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Tell Mr. Pedasta I'll walk with him

to the rehearsal and discuss it on the way.

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- I've got to get dressed now.

- Certainly, Sir Alfred.

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Then there is a citizen

who wants you to endow...

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the De Carter Foundation

for the Diffusion of Serious Music.

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Well, throw him out.

Nothing serious about music.

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It should be enjoyed flat on the back

with a sandwich in one hand...

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and a bucket of beer in the other

and as many pretty girls around as possible.

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- Oh, Tony, if you repeat one word of this stuff.

- I won't.

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You know, the only trouble with you is

I never feel like getting up...

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I never feel like getting dressed...

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I never feel like going out into the world

to wrestle it and bring it to its knees.

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I think the successful, energetic men must all

have been married to women who looked like -

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Oh. Well, I will now leap

into a cold shower.

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- [ Doorbell Buzzes ]

- I'll take it.

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Some flowers for Lady de Carter.

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- Oh, how nice.

-[ Hugo ] I'll take 'em.

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Say- Oh, there you are.

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- Give him a dollar, Hugo.

- A dollar?

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Well, it's only 62 and one-half cents,

you know, at the moment.

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- There's 62 and a half cents for you.

- Thank you, Sir Alfred.

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I'll pretend it's a dollar.

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- [ Speaking Foreign Language ]

- I wonder who sent her these.

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Why don't you grab yourself a look

and treat yourself to a surprise?

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'Cause it's none of my business.

They're probably from some poor devil...

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who was madly in love with her,

nearly perished when she married me...

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and once a year, on the anniversary

of their last farewell...

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sends her this little bunch of snapdragons.

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- Or could they be hollyhocks?

- In this box it could be a skeleton.

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- He could've sent himself.

- Don't be gruesome, Hugo.

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- Oh, I see they came, Sir Alfred.

- Hmm?

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I tried to get all long-stemmed roses...

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but they must have filled out

with a few chrysanthemums.

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Oh, these are the flowers that I - Lovely!

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That you asked me to send

on the way in this morning.

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- Of course.

- I scratched out the name on one of your cards...

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and wrote instead, " For my love.''

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Remarkably efficient.

Thank you very much.

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And have this razor honed for me, will you?

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- It's duller than one of my brother-in-law's jokes.

- Certainly, Sir Alfred.

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- Mr. Henschler is on his way up, by the way.

- Oh, what does he want?

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- He did not inform me.

- I've already seen him once today.

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I mean,just 'cause he's married

to my wife's sister doesn't entitle him to -

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- Really, what a bore he is.

- Look, he's got one hundred million dollars.

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Don't be expecting also Mickey Mouse.

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I have a few million myself, you know.

It doesn't entitle me to -

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You ain't got a hundred million.

It's that last zither that cooks the goose.

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That miser. Every fur coat he gives his wife

he inherited from his grandmother.

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Every pearl from his aunt.

Every diamond from his blasted -

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- Stop. You're breaking my heart.

- It's silly of me to allow him to annoy me so...

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but do I haunt his hotel constantly

sending messages I'm on my way up to see him?

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Do I use the vaguest of all relationships...

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two strangers who marry sisters,

as a wedge for the purpose of-

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Mr. August Henschler, sir.

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Good morning again, August.

I've never seen you looking better.

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- Well, I, uh -

- Do you want to see me alone or in committee?

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Or is it really necessary

for you to see me at all?

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Well, if it wouldn't be too much trouble-

Good morning.

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How do you do?

Remember, you have a lot of other jerks...

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waiting for you in front room

after you get through in here.

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I'll take the razor down to the barbershop.

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Now, my dear August,

what happy updraft wafts you hither?

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Thank you.

Now let me see. How to begin.

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- At the beginning.

- [ Chuckles ] Yes, quite so.

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