Unforgettable: The Sweeney

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Carter, what d'you reckon?

Nice bit of glass?

Yeah, it's a nice ring.

Just don't feel the same way about you,

Miller. Sorry, mate.

Yeah, it's for Sue.

Cost me two months' wages.

I'm gonna pop the question.

- Oh, Miller.

- What's up? I thought you'd be happy.

Problem is she's a six out of ten, man.

- Right, Sim?

- Yeah, a six.

Six and a half.

And I'm being generous there, mate.

You what?

If you're gonna tie the knot with someone,

make sure they're a nine or a three.

A stunner or a complete shitter.

If you fall in the middle you're f***ed, mate.

It's never gonna last.

- That's bollocks, man.

- I'm talking bollocks, yeah?

All right, we'll ask the others.

Text Clarkey. Ask her.

Back up, back up! Go!

- Everyone on the floor now!

- Don't move!

You, move over in there!

- Get over to the wall!

- Get on the floor!

Don't f***ing look at me!

Keep your hands high!

You, get over here!

Look at the f***ing floor!

Sixty seconds.

Look at that gold!

Got a text from Carter. Wants us to

score Miller's girlfriend out of 10.

Don't know. I ain't slept with her.

It's based on looks.

Four and a half in a balaclava.

- What about you, Lewis?

- Don't know her.

What about me, then?

What would you rate me?

Well, if it was prick size I'd give you a

two, but since we're talking about faces,

I'll give you a two.

Thirty seconds!

Stay down there!

Average.

- Average?

- Yep.

Not low enough to be grateful to you

and not high enough

to make you grateful to her.

F***ing recipe for disaster.

What about your girl then?

What does she score?

We're not married.

- Armed police!

- Police! Get on the floor!

Can you get out of the car for me?

Get out of the f***ing car now!

You all right, Miller?

Armed police! Get on the f***ing floor!

Come here!

- You okay?

- Yeah, go, go, go.

- Get on your f***ing front!

- Come here!

Don't move! On your front, yeah?

Don't f***ing move!

Get over here now!

F***!

We're the Sweeney, shithead. You're nicked.

Yeah, nice work, Regan.

But did you really have to

destroy the whole place in the process?

We got the villains, didn't we?

Well, I got the headache of explaining

why you smashed their heads in

and wrecked the whole depot.

You know we'll have Internal Affairs

on our back again.

We got the villains, didn't we?

Sh*t always rolls downhill, Jack, to me.

Yeah, well, I'm sorry about the mess,

but there just happened to be

an armed robbery in progress.

Listen, if we wanna stay operational,

we gotta play the game.

It ain't a game when you've got a G3

sticking in the back of your nut.

You get Internal Affairs off my f***ing

case and I'll get you results.

Remember who runs this

unit, Jack, all right?

Yeah, well, you know how we go to work.

Deal with it.

Yeah, who put it all together

in the first place?

- Who keeps the wolves from your door?

- Yeah, all right.

- Well done, kid.

- All right.

What was the estimate?

Half a mill plus. Krugerrands and ingots.

Everyone's okay?

Yeah, Miller took one,

but he'll live to fight another day.

The world's running out

of men like you, Jack.

Yeah, yeah, f*** you!

Hey, a toast. A toast to the new boy.

Popped his cherry on the pavement!

Raise a f***ing glass.

- Go on, the Sweeney!

- Go on, Paddy.

Yeah, yeah, and maybe next time

Regan will give you a weapon to hold!

F*** that.

I became a copper because I'm Irish.

All right, well, I became a copper

because I'm black.

- What about you, Wex?

- I become a copper 'cause I'm black!

What about you, pretty boy?

As pretty as my face is,

I obviously don't give a f*** about it

that much, as you can see.

As far as I'm concerned,

there ain't any other job in the world

that gives me the kind

of buzz this one does.

Good boy.

So if this pretty little face of mine has to

take a couple more beatings from time to time,

so f***ing be it, right, Sim?

Got you, boy.

- To Carter's face!

- To Carter's face!

It's an improvement on when you left

the house this morning, darling.

Yeah? Yeah?

I'm only kidding.

You're better looking than this lot!

- When you gonna leave him?

- When you gonna ask me?

I don't like the fact you

go home and f*** him.

I haven't f***ed him in over a year,

you know that.

Please.

He hasn't made me laugh in over two.

- Duty calls.

- Yeah.

It always does.

All right, Harry?

- How's your luck?

- Okay. Yourself?

Well, still in with a shot.

- How's your leg?

- Still giving me agg.

I hear the work went off well?

Yeah, it was just like you said,

almost fell in our laps.

Word is, one of them got a good hiding.

George did it.

Have you got anything else for me?

Heard about a private bank

on Trafalgar Square?

Apparently it's being looked at.

Nah. No one's that f***ing silly any more.

They say it's a sitting duck.

I'll swing past it tomorrow with George.

How is he?

Who, George? George is George, isn't he?

What about you, Jack?

Seeing anyone special?

Schtum. What's the matter with you?

You're getting a nosy old bastard.

I'd better get back in there.

Make sure Carter's behaving himself.

Sweeney!

Sweeney! Sweeney!

- Uncle Jack, what are you doing?

- What are you doing?

Looking for a cigarette.

Give us one.

Ta.

- Anyway, you shouldn't be smoking.

- Why?

Because you're training

for your sports day.

Looks like you should

be in training as well.

Saucy little sod. Go on.

And don't listen to George,

he's a bad influence.

Are you listening, Neil?

Your stepdad's a bad seed.

You can talk, can't you, mate?

Very romantic, toilets.

God, is that the time?

- We gotta go.

- When was you gonna tell me?

We've gotta flop on that jug

that Harry was talking about.

- How long you been banging her for, Jack?

- And Haskins has called for a briefing.

You do know she's married, don't you?

I've known you half my life

and you didn't think to tell me?

What you don't know won't kill you.

- Do you know her husband?

- Yeah, we knock about together, don't we?

- I mean, do you know who he is?

- Armchair Old Bill.

And he knows about you and her?

What? Me banging her?

Yeah. Thinks it's a great idea.

Nice bloke, then?

- Couldn't roll downhill.

- He what?

He's a f***ing square!

Right. You've got 30 seconds

to tell me how you'd rob this bank.

I wouldn't worry about the CCTV

'cause they don't feed out externally.

Getting your hands on a tape

shouldn't be a problem.

It's a private bank, innit?

Private security.

And this lot ain't got a license

to carry firearms,

so, what? Pistols and cable ties

would keep them quiet.

Driver out the front,

two to three through the door,

neutralise the desk

clerk, dominate the room

and disorientate the security.

You'll need one geezer to hold the floor,

while the other two take the lift

up to the strong room.

But only after collecting all mobiles

and depositing them over there.

Got London Underground

situated conveniently close by.

Again, if it all goes tits up out the front,

I'd definitely use that as a possible route.

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