Unicorn City Page #2

Bok Choy?

Hey. Hey, bro.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Hey, there he is.

Hey...

do you feel all tingly?

Uh-Huh.

I love that.

Yah! Yah!

Yah!

Thanks.

I have to tell you

something serious.

I haven't been honest...

About my feelings.

I'm in love with someone else.

Very real.

Okay. Um, I'm sorry

That I led you on

At the Tavern of the Green Dragon.

It's not you. It's me.

We can still...

fight together,

Just... not as often.

Tanick. Tanick.

Tanick?

Ohh!

Yah!

Tanick?

Tanick?

I'm an awful person.

Hi.

What's wrong?

I want to create a love

interest for Rashanna

To experience for

the duration of this campaign,

And I really like the idea of her

falling in love with your character.

And I've already created

a backstory

How she lost her husband to

a freak white dragon accident

And is now in tremendous

mental turmoil

Because of her sudden rebound,

So she's very vulnerable

And she needs somebody

to protect her.

But Magmald went celibate.

We can work around that.

Handwritten resum.

Never seen one in calligraphy.

Thanks.

You realize this job requires you to

move to our headquarters in Seattle?

I'm not at liberty to tell you

too much about the project

Other than it's an A.R.G.,

Alternative Reality Game,

- A blend of online and offline gaming.

- Epic.

The game director position

is not gonna be an easy one.

You are gonna have to

manage a team of over 15 people

And... I'm not seeing

anything on your resum.

Look, I'm, uh, I'm the

leader of a... of a guild.

My main character

actually has a full set

- Of fifth tier heroic level-

- Yeah.

- I've also spent more than 3900 hours...

- Look...

I've seen over 50 people

for this position,

And they're all saying the same

thing over and over again.

- Tier five...

- If you want this job,

You need to stand out and prove to

me that you're the complete package.

Gamer? Yeah.

Leader...?

I can lead people, sir.

Look, I'm not gonna make a

decision for another week.

Can you put together something

in the next day or two

That will prove to me

that you can lead people?

Yeah.

I look forward to seeing

what you bring back.

Me too.

Why can't I do that?

It doesn't make any sense.

Why can't I go through

the high plains pass?

Voss, it's your brother! You were

supposed to be here 17 minutes ago!

Where are you?! If you are

not here in five minutes,

I swear to you

I am doubling your rent,

And if I see you,

I will choke you out!

- It wasn't snowing.

- What the hell are you talkin' about?!

You said it was fall, not winter!

Well, let's see. The turtlebuds

haven't bloomed yet,

All the rabbits have gone south,

ss well as the plains wolves,

Which is the only food source

for the Beast Lord.

So that would make it, I think...

Uh, yeah... Winter.

It's bullcrap.

Bullcrap! Right?

- Right? Am I right?

- Hi.

Right? Right? Yeah!

Come on, fantasy pants,

what are you gonna change now?

I'm incredibly unsatisfied with the

particular inconsistencies of this game.

I'm just sayin'.

I have a vote I'd like to

bring before the guild.

I have a lot of friends that

would like to join this game,

But unfortunately,

it sucks three things:

Turkey balls, troll, and ass.

I would like to propose that

I become the new game master

And manage

the rest of this campaign.

I can promise you by next friday

We'll have at least

a dozen new people involved.

That includes healers.

Who agrees?

It's settled, then.

I'll run the guild this week.

This is my campaign.

No, it's not!

We took a vote!

Voss!

It's the role-Playing.

My character's a barbarian,

Has some control issues.

Thanks.

Well...

I think I could give it a go

under one condition:

That you...

Destroy... the Beast Lord.

Bring it, weak sauce.

And if you lose, Magmald dies,

Never to be resurrected,

And you have to leave

the guild forever.

Don't do it.

Don't do it.

Don't do it.

Let's do it.

Fine. Do it.

I cast righteous indignation.

That's a 15-Foot barrier of

protection against projectiles.

I'll also be drinking

my potion of bull strength.

Don't forget fire.

Resistance to fire.

I come down from

the astral plane...

Which I was never in...

Ah ah... Ah...

And raise my sword to heronius,

Adding plus-Three

to my hit and damage.

Yes, yes, yes.

Well...

That's... pretty hot stuff.

Why don't you roll a saving throw

Against the Beast Lord's psyonic

death stare while you're at it?

Come on, man! When did the

Beast Lord get psyonics?!

When he was a baby Beast Lord?

Whatever. Let's do this.

A critical failure.

Unless you roll something greater

than eight, you will die.

Thank you.

Five, five, five, five, five.

Well...

the dice don't lie.

It's just a game.

What, your pegasus get ringworm?

Have to be put down?

Shut up.

Heronius!

Ahh....

Ahhhhhh....

Aaaaaahhh....

I was born in the wrong universe.

Phhht. That...

Was horrible.

This is a play about

forbidden love.

It's in the words.

Feel it in your loins.

Yes, sir.

Let's try again, shall we?

Yes, sir.

Okay. Places.

Okay, yeah.

Action.

Unh!

Four ages shall pass...

But I will be patient...

Hoping for the day

When I shall again see you

face-To-Face...

My darling little sushi roll.

Our love shall be

Like a disgraced samurai...

yes? What?

Impaled with his own sword.

Oh.

Well... Everyone out.

Off the stage! Let's go.

Hmm.

Of all the invitations

I've given you,

For what reason do you grace

this pleasant stage?

After we find the brain juice,

What if Rashanna goes

to the hills of monyar

And finds a rod of resurrection

to bring Magmald back?

That would divert too much

attention from the narrative.

More important than

Voss's tattered ego

Is that you've come

to see my play.

It's an unlikely love story

About a woman...

Who loves a man.

Is there... Is there anything

that the guild can do for Voss?

The only ointment for someone feeling

sorry for themselves, my darling,

Is to help them realize

that they suck.

Morning, sunshine. What

happened with that interview?

It's really close

between me and one other guy.

I got you set up monday morning.

Taco shop. Be there.

It's Marsha.

Sorry.

Hey, Marsha.

Would you like to come over

for breakfast chicken?

Hello.

I made you something.

It's a cape, and, uh,

it has flannel on the inside

So it can double as a blanket

and keep you warm.

Oh. Thank you,

Marsha.

Absolutely.

Oh, wow.

Clancy.

He's... total...

He's here. This is so

unexpectedly awesome.

This is so great.

That's a pretty dress.

Thanks.

Mmm.

I think that we should start

our very own campaign.

Um, I was mulling some story

points around just this morning.

"a wicked hobgoblin king

"Enslaves a village

of egg-Laying gnomes,

Forcing them to hard labor

and into the swamps."

I mean, I could see our

combined sacrifice to save them

As being just shy of legendary.

And also, the...

Love interest idea, which I

mentioned the other day,

Between Magmald and Rashanna...

Could easily be folded

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes