Unidentified Flying Oddball Page #5

Don't eat it!

There'll be feathers all over the place!

Let me go!

Where is she?

- I know not, sire.

I was told that she would meet you here.

She wanted to hear some of your... LPs.

Thanks.

(WHISTLES TO HIMSELF)

Fiendishly clever, the American.

Who else would've thought to hide it there?

But he did not reckon with the clairvoyant

powers of the invincible Merlin!

Will it make a big noise again?

- Hope not.

I had the cotton packed too tightly last time.

That's why it exploded.

He's trying to get thrust to propel the craft

into the air. Can't you see that?

Very good, Hermes.

- ( BLEEPS) Where's Sandi?

Forget about her. I cooled my heels for three

hours waiting for her. She and I are through.

You put her out of your mind, too.

- (BLEEPS) That's not easy.

OK, here goes.

(HIGH-PITCHED WHINE)

Hey!

I'm terribly sorry.

Use that dagger when Mordred attacks.

- I think I can fix it.

(SQUAWKING)

Hey, what have you got there?

- It's a goose, as anyone can plainly see.

It's a gander. Where did you find him?

- It was on the moat.

Then it flew up to the parapet.

He'll make a splendid supper.

No, he won't. Keep him in protective custody.

And... not that I care, but...

where was the girl?

There was no girl about, just him.

I did hear a woman scream from yon wood.

- I saw her with Oaf, going to Merlin's room.

That quack?

King, I think we're in trouble.

You haven't misplaced her there?

- The laser gun's gone.

Who'd take it?

- Merlin!

He lured me out

by saying Sandi would meet me.

Merlin and Mordred?

- Absolutely! They're in cahoots!

Where?

- They're partners. Where'd he take her?

The seaside is awfully nice this time of year.

Please!

- This is serious!

Mordred's camp, no doubt.

- We've got to do something!

Don't look at me.

- I'll take care of it myself.

You're not going after the wench?

- The poor kid needs help!

I got it! King, I need your armour.

Oh, really!

You keep forgetting you're a prisoner. I don't

lend prisoners my armour. The answer is no.

Then Mordred will reduce Camelot to dust.

Well, perhaps my workaday armour.

No, your Sunday go-to-meeting armour,

the shiniest you've got!

Page, fetch it.

Sounds like some monstrous cat.

- Like none I've ever heard.

(ENGINE DRONES)

What has it coughed up now?

It's a fine cart, but where do the oxen go?

- King, this is a battery-powered lunar rover.

This is the soil sampler... I'll explain later.

Clarence, buff me up.

I can't understand this fuss over a girl. I can

find you five girls more comely than that one.

But not as dingy. Lower the drawbridge!

- I saw when the bridge is to be lowered!

I told you that.

- I'm sorry, but I'm in a hurry.

Lower the bridge!

Hold the fort until I get back.

Alas, we won't see him again.

This passageway

will give us access to the castle.

At dawn, you will engage the defenders

until the drawbridge can be lowered.

Won't this passage be defended?

- It is my secret passage.

The King has no knowledge of it.

- We'll do our best.

Have your men present in force

when the portcullis is raised.

Enough to crush all resistance!

- Sire!

Sire, something approaches the camp.

- Something?

It has two eyes that light up the night

and makes strange breathing sounds.

Call out the guards!

It is the American. He has taken the bait.

It's King Arthur himself.

- No, it's Tom Trimble.

I've come for Alisande.

- You shouldn't have come! They'll kill you!

With your choice of weapons!

- Get behind me.

That will serve little purpose. We have seen

the awesome power of the magic candle.

It will annihilate you both in a flash.

Now, Mordred, do the honours.

Any parting words, American?

- I'd like to speak to Sandi for a second.

Be brief.

- All right.

Sandi, I just want you to know

that I groove on you.

My idea of heaven would be to split a pizza

and a 6-pack while watching the Super Bowl,

maybe smooch a little at the half.

Well, what do you think?

- Any news of Father?

Didn't you hear? I told you I loved you!

- I'm not going all through that again.

On the other hand,

if it's between you and Oaf...

.. I'll take you.

- Great! Pull down my visor. Get behind me.

Yes.

(TOM) Fire at will, Mordred!

Mordred, cease before you destroy

your entire force.

He has bewitched it!

Stop them!

Oaf, hold these two! I'll settle with them later!

On to the tunnel!

(COCK CROWS)

Six o'clock and all's well!

(WHISPERS) Come on!

Oaf... Oaf... look.

To eat. You... eat.

(WHIRRING)

Sit on my lap!

- No!

Sit on my lap!

Put your arm around me. It's safer.

Are you taking me to your nest?

- No, Camelot.

I hope it's got the same landlord

when we get there!

Capture the gatehouse!

Look, sire, it's Tom!

- Ahhhhhh!

Well done!

Once more! The gatehouse!

Ahhhhh!

Come on!

Stand to!

(MORDRED) Lower the drawbridge!

Raise the portcullis!

Thank you, Tom. Well done.

Thank you. Well done.

Never have so many owed so much

to one man.

What a nice thought.

Hah!

Look out!

Stop those bowmen!

Oh, really! I've told you before, never turn

your back on the enemy. It's dangerous.

It's no way to be found after the battle.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Clarence! Sandi! The winch!

Come, Clarence, hurry!

Free the winch!

No, no! No, no, no!

OK, lower me down to the ledge.

We're to lower him to the ledge.

Make them pay dearly for every inch!

Hermes...

.. activate all systems.

Fire rocket engines one, two and three.

This American's wings must be clipped

if we are to save the day.

Do not fear the contrivance! It has no power!

(TOM) Engage left thruster.

Activate thrusters as your sensors

warn of approaching danger.

Whoa! Take me back up to the ledge!

- You're too heavy!

# Oh, say can you see... #

Hermes, close the hatch.

Not so fast!

Destroy the American! He is our nemesis!

Hermes, set both magnetic fields on pulse.

(HUMMING)

He must be destroyed! Get him!

- Go on!

Get him!

A purse for the man who finishes him!

Increase power of magnetic fields.

(HUMMING INCREASES)

Clarence, it's getting heavier!

The King said this armour was solid gold.

It's not.

I think he's in trouble.

- What kind?

It's difficult to say, but don't look, Sandi.

Ahhhhhhh!

Hermes, cut the power!

Come on, Father.

King, take 'em downtown and book 'em.

- Thank you, Tom.

We owe you our kingdom.

Victory!

(CHEERING)

Hooray! Hooray!

(CHEERING)

Gee, I don't know what to say.

Such distinguished company.

King Arthur, Sir Lancelot, Sir Galahad...

Sir Gawain.

- Sir Gawain.

I will retire this chair and if ever you return,

your place at the Round Table will be here.

Boy, they're never gonna believe this

at the Cape! Yes, they will!

Everybody, group up there

for the photograph.

The what?

- I'll show you in a minute.

Bunch in. Sandi, you and your father get over

here. Clarence, scrunch in next to the king.

Put your arm around him, King.

Hurry up! And everybody say cheese!

(ALL) Cheese?

Now, King, this is what I mean

by a photograph.

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