Up in Smoke

Put me down. Stop it.

Say, Daisy Lou,

would you like to hear a little tune?

Cousin.

Oh, Blackie,

you're wonderful.

Sweetheart, I'll talk to him.

Son, your mother and me would like for you

to cozy up to the Finkelstein boy.

He's a bright kid,

and he's going to military school and...

Remember, he was an Eagle Scout and...

- Arnold...

- Will you shut up?

We're not going to have a family brawl.

...and a retard.

We put up with a hell of a lot.

Can this wait?

Build your goddamn muscles, huh?

You know, you could build your muscles

picking strawberries.

You know, bend and scoop,

like the Mexicans.

Sh*t, maybe I could get you

a job with United Fruit.

I got a buddy with United Fruit.

Get you started. Start with strawberries,

you might work your way up

to these goddamn bananas.

When, boy?

When are you going to

get your act together?

Gross.

Oh, good God almighty me.

I think he's the Antichrist.

Anthony, I want to talk to you.

Now, listen.

Don't walk away from me

when I'm talking to you.

You get a goddamn job before sundown,

or we're shipping you off

to military school

with that goddamn Finkelstein sh*t kid.

Son of a b*tch.

Up in smoke

That's where my money goes

In my lungs

Sometimes up my nose

When troubled times

Begin to bother me

I take a toke

And all my cares go up in smoke

You girls need a ride?

- No.

- No.

- You sure?

- Yeah.

I'm going that way.

- No.

- Later for you, you little jailbaits.

What's that? She's hitchhiking.

Watch out. Coming over. Geronimo!

Hey, double bubble.

Come on, baby. I'll give you a ride.

Let's go.

Yeah, bend over.

I'll drive you home, baby.

- Hey, you ain't a chick.

- Yeah, I know.

But listen, that's the only way

I can get anybody to stop, man.

Hey, that's false advertising, that, man.

Yeah, I know, but listen,

I slept in a ditch last night, man.

I almost froze my balls off, man.

I didn't even think you had any, man.

I wouldn't even have stopped.

Oh, wow. Hey, I really like your car, man.

- Oh, you do?

- Wow. Did you do this yourself?

Yeah, I customized it myself, man.

Wow. Looks fantastic, man.

Yeah, I guess it does.

Well, I'll give you a ride.

- Come on, let's go.

- Okay, just a minute, man.

I gotta get my stuff.

Okay, well, hurry up,

'cause I got a lot of things to do.

Sh*t. Sh*t.

- Okay. Let's go.

- Hey, just a minute, man.

I got a few more things

I gotta get, okay? I'll be right back.

- Just a minute.

- Hurry up, man.

What are you going to do, move in, man?

Put her in first gear.

Here we go. Hey, hey!

Second gear. Hey!

Third gear. Here we go!

Hey, man, how far you going, man?

Right here would be fine, man.

You ain't scared of a little speed,

are you, man?

Oh, you got some speed, man?

Speed? No, I don't got no speed, man.

Hey, you know what I do got, though, man?

I got a joint, man.

Oh, wow. All right.

Come on, light it up.

Let's get Chinese eyes, man.

Hey, what kind of joint is this, man?

It's a heavy-duty joint, man.

It looks like a toothpick, man.

- No, it's not a toothpick, man.

- No, hey, it is a toothpick, man.

No, man, it's just...

It is a toothpick.

I must've got it in the other pocket, man.

Hold on, man.

I got the real sh*t right here, man.

Oh, that's my dick. Yeah, there we go.

Hey, there you go, man.

Light that sucker up, man.

We'll go to the moon.

Jeez, I hope your dick's

bigger than this, man.

Hey, man, you want to

get out and walk, man?

Hey, you want to get high, man?

Does Howdy Doody got wooden balls, man?

I got a joint here, man,

I've been saving for a special occasion.

Go on, fire it up.

Hey, I hope the drums don't mess up

your upholstery, man.

No, I'm in a band, too, man.

- Oh, are you?

- Yeah, I'm a lead singer, man.

- Wow, that's hip, man.

- Yeah, we play everything

from, like, Santana to El Chicano, man.

You know, like, everything.

Hey, I'm just a love machine

And I don't work for nobody but you

I'm just a love machine

And I don't work for nobody but you

Woman, when my temperature rise

And then I go for her thighs

And then I see guacamole in my shoes

Guacamole in my shoe

Is that a joint, man?

Looks like a Quarter Pounder, man.

Led Zeppelin.

Hey, be careful with that sh*t, man.

What, is it heavy stuff, man?

Will it blow me away?

Better put your seatbelt on, man.

I'll tell you that much.

Sh*t, I been smoking

since I was born, man.

I can smoke anything, man.

Like I smoke that Michoacn, man,

Acapulco Gold, man.

I even smoke that tied stick, you know?

Tied stick?

Yeah, you know. That stuff,

it's tied to a stick, you know.

Oh, Thai stick.

Yeah, that didn't even

do nothing to me, man.

I could probably smoke this whole joint,

man, and still walk away, man.

It wouldn't be no problem at all, man.

Toke. Toke it up, man.

Dude, that's...

Kind of grabs you

by the boo-boo, don't it?

- Hey, man.

- What?

What?

Hey, what's in this sh*t, man?

Mostly Maui Wowie, man.

- Yeah?

- But it's got some Labrador in it.

- What's Labrador?

- It's dog sh*t.

- What?

- Yeah, my dog ate my stash, man.

Had it on the table,

and the little mother f***er ate it, man.

Yeah?

So I had to follow him around

with a little baggie

for three days before I got it back.

Really blew the dog's mind.

You mean we're smoking dog sh*t, man?

Gets you high, don't it?

I think it's even better than before,

you know?

Damn, I wonder

what Great Dane tastes like, man.

Wow, man.

That's some heavy sh*t, man.

Yeah.

Hey, man, am I driving okay?

I think we're parked, man.

Oh, sh*t.

God damn, what was in that sh*t, man?

I never had no dope like that

before in my life, man.

That's the heaviest sh*t

I ever smoked, man.

I mean, I smoked a lot

of sh*t before, man,

but, God damn, man, that's heavy sh*t.

You okay?

I can't breathe.

What's the matter?

I can't breathe, man.

Well, just... Well, here. Hey, man.

Hey, hey, I got something

that will mellow you out, man.

You're just freaking out. Here.

- Here.

- I never smoked no sh*t like that before.

- Take these, man. Take these.

- What?

- This will mellow you out, man.

- What is this?

- What is this, man?

- Just take them, man.

Hey, don't take those, man.

What?

I almost gave you the wrong sh*t, man.

Hey, man, I already took them, man.

Hey, what do you mean?

Wow, man.

Hey, what was that sh*t, man?

You just ate the most acid

I've ever seen anybody eat in my life.

Hey, man, I never had no acid before, man.

Jeez, I hope you're not busy

for about a month.

Sh*t, I'm going to die, man.

That stuff's going to make me die, man.

- Oh, man. No, that's good acid, man.

- Hey, man, I never had it before, man.

- It won't hurt you, man.

- It's going to make me freak out, man.

I seen those guys

that walk around my neighborhood

- that had too many acid, man.

- Oh, dude...

Their heads look like a pumpkin,

like that, man.

No, you're okay. Mellow out. Relax, man.

Hey, mellow out, man!

Nowjust go, "Om. "

- What?

- Do it, man.

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