Up The Down Staircase Page #2

Class, please, sit down.

-Class...

-Disregard all bells.

Repeat. Disregard all bells.

This boy's late and on probation.

Where's your class, Miss Barrett?

l'm afraid that they have all gone.

You're off to a good start.

Now, listen, since l'm only

readmitting you on probation,

l guess you know

that l know that you're no prize.

One false step... Suspension.

Your name, please?

Won't you tell me your name?

You've got it there.

There are 40 pupils in my homeroom.

Call the roll.

All right.

Let's see, where did l leave off?

Davidson?

Dubinski, Ehrlick, Gloria.

Well, surely you're not

Gloria Ehrlick, are you?

Escalera? Esposite? Essner?

Really, it would be so much simpler

if you would just tell me your name.

Evans?

-Farber, Farreli, Ferone...

-Present.

Joseph Ferone. Do they call you Joe?

l see you're to be

in my English class as well.

Tell me, do you like English?

Well.

l think there's time for you

to fill out a Delaney card now.

lf you will just fill in the blanks, please.

l don't know why

they call it a Delaney card.

Maybe because a man named Delaney

thought it up.

You can just take any seat.

Do you have a pencil?

Get out of here. l want to sit down.

You hear me? l ain't playing with you.

Come on, man. Get out of here.

l'm Beatrice Schacter.

We're in the same department.

How do you do?

-Hello there, how are you?

-l'm fine, thank you.

l'm Henrietta Pastorfield. Thanks.

How did you make out

with the program list?

l got through it.

l got through 16 of the 20.

And l've been here 16 years.

Four years more

and l expect to have a perfect record.

lf l last.

l've only got 12 this year.

Eight for me.

As usual, the white kids don't trust me.

Negro kids think

l've sold out to the whites.

l've managed 18.

Eleven.

Two and a half.

l had planned a little talk

on first impressions,

and from that

l would make a good case for diction,

correct usage and self expression

and from that it would just be one step

to the limitless realm of creativity.

And then to communication

between student and teacher.

And finally, mutual respect and even love.

l like the part about limitless realm.

Kid them along, make it a game.

l have a new one this year.

Hospital spelling.

Misspelled words are the patients

and the kids are the doctors

and the nurses.

Why aren't you eating your lunch?

Well, l just can't seem to face

mashed potatoes at 10:17 in the morning.

ln future, try Jell-O.

lt gives you energy,

but it doesn't require an appetite.

Ever tried Punctuation Sex, Henrietta?

Hyphens are kisses,

commas are ''maybe's''

and a period is a definite ''no.''

And then, of course,

there's the limitless realm

of semicolons and apostrophes.

l shudder to think

what an exclamation point might mean.

l don't care. lt keeps them off the streets,

and you give them a bit of fun

and you've earned your keep.

Have you met Paul Barringer?

The glamour boy

of the English Department.

Unpublished writer.

Dangerous. You're on your own.

Your education

has been planned and geared

to arm you and prepare you

to function as mature

and thinking citizens,

capable of shouldering

the burdens and responsibilities

which a thriving democracy imposes.

lt is through you

and others like you...

We have no doubt

that our aims and efforts in this direction

will bear fruit

and achieve the goals and objectives

set forth,

for in the miniature democracy

of our school,

you are proving yourselves

worthy and deserving of our trust

and expectations.

Any announcements, Mr. McHabe?

A blue Pontiac parked

in front of the school has been overturned.

Anybody having knowledge

of the perpetrators,

please report to me

directly after assembly.

Hey!

Silence while exiting!

Silence while exiting!

Well, she...

Mr. Edmund Green

comes to our Science Department

after 10 years at South Park High School,

extensive experience in the so-called

problem-area schools

such as Calvin Coolidge,

and an impressive war record

in the military police.

He could use that.

l'm sure he'll be a valuable addition

to our faculty.

-Yeah.

-Mr. Green.

Miss Sylvia Barrett

comes to our English Department

with a B.A. from Lyons Hall

and an M.A. from Hutchins.

She's to be commended for her courage.

Miss Barrett.

Thank you. l...

l can't say how happy l am to be here.

Thank you.

-The first item on the agenda...

-Dr. Bester.

Dr. Bester, there were certain

urgent problems left over from last term.

Agreed. The teaching load,

facilities, drop-outs,

and the new building, Dr. Bester.

What about the new building?

Well, l brought along

all the blueprints again.

-To give us heart.

-We're tired of blueprints.

lt's been six years now. We're losing heart.

Hear, hear!

l didn't see who said that.

-Oh, yes, Miss Pastorfield.

-Yeah.

Well, if you'll stop by

at the end of this meeting,

l'll gladly accept your check for $7,500,000.

Miss Gordon and Mr. Osborne

have the floor.

Who'll speak first?

Mr. Osborne and l, being floaters,

share Room 441 .

Mr. Osborne insists on putting his things

in the left-hand drawer of the desk,

-which is my drawer and l...

-l beg to differ with Miss Gordon.

The left-hand desk drawer is my drawer.

-Since when?

-Since four years ago!

All right. All right. May l suggest

that the Grievance Committee

on Rotation of Teachers

to More Equitable Room Assignments

appoint a sub-committee

to look into the matter.

-You're next on the agenda, Mrs. Wolf.

-Thank you.

When returning books to the library,

students must put them back

on the shelf straight.

l want those books in their right places

with their edges even.

-l think it's very important...

-Thank you. Thank you, Mrs. Wolf.

Dr. Bester, now that

reading from the Bible

has been declared unconstitutional,

is there any objection

to a moment of silent prayer?

lt's all right, l understand,

if the word ''prayer'' is not used

and if the lips don't move.

Dr. Bester, by law a faculty conference

only has to last 60 minutes

which are now up.

Now, l suggest

in view of the subway rush...

Yes. l'm afraid a discussion

of cafeteria conditions

will have to be jettisoned until next week.

-Will someone move for adjournment?

-So moved.

Meeting is adjourned.

Morning, Miss Finch.

Here are my daily attendance sheets,

my absentee cards,

my transcripts for transfers,

my transportation cards,

and my H-level report.

Since we are unable to begin the term

with the assigned books,

l thought we might spend this first class

in an open discussion about books.

Why we read them

and what they mean to us.

Herbert Henry.

l didn't know we was gonna have a quiz.

-l didn't study for it.

-Well, this is not a quiz.

Well, whatever it is, l didn't study up.

Well, l'm not asking you to study up,

l'm asking you to think.

-Miss Barrett.

-Yes. Your name, please.

Harry A. Kagan,

newly-nominated candidate

-for President of General Organization.

-Sit down.

ln answer to your

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