Up the River

---

[Ship Horn Blooing]

- [Buoy Bell Ringing]

- [Ship Horn Blooing]

Look at this, a roadster.

And the gang promised me a limousine.

- It's piecrust to you, ain't it?

- Shut up, you sap.

We ain't out of danger yet.

It's 10 miles to town. Well, so long.

I hope I never see you again.

- Boy, I hate these country prisons.

- I hate all prisons.

- The food is bad.

- Well, listen. Next time-

There ain't gonna be any next time.

Not for me.

- No? What are you gonna do for a livin'?

- Start a chicken farm.

You can start with 100 eggs,

and by saving the pullets...

at the end of the year

you'll have 10,000 eggs.

- Yeah? Listen. Get out and fix that.

- What's the matter?

- I think we got a flat tire.

- Flat tire?

That's luck for you.

I don't see any flat tire.

No? Well, buy a mirror!

- Hey, there!

- [Alarm Sounding]

? [Marching Band]

[No Audible Dialogue]

- ?? [Ends]

- Friends, we will hear from Brother Dan...

once lost in the sea of sin...

but now safe on the shores of love.

[All]

Praise be! Praise be! Praise be!

Friends, you wouldn't "tink" to look at me

now that I once was as wicked as you.

But, yea, verily, there's no sinner

among you what I can't call "brudder."

You know how I got lost in crime and sin?

Bad company.

But I found the error of my ways.

I found that crime don't pay.

Now I'm happy in the light

and love the whole world.

- [Drum Banging]

- [All] Praise be! Praise be!

Yeah, even the-the depraved

wretch what led me into sin...

even him I love and forgive.

And remember, "brudders,"

crime don't pay.

[Horn Honks]

No, sir.

Crime don't pay.

And verily, I say to you...

even the depraved wr-

louse... what led me into sin...

even him I love and forgive.

And there is a blow of vengeance coming what-

on all sinners what knows no mercy.

There is retribution for all. And there

is "tunderbolts" comin' from the sky...

on your head, unexpected.

And verily I say to you, the wages of sin

is a punch in the jaw, you louse!

[Crowd Shouting]

What are you pinchin' me for?

He's the one that did it!

? [March]

[Man]

Twenty-four, 26...

- 28, 30, 32...

- [Siren Sounds]

34, 36, 38, 40, 42.

[Gate Clinking Open]

Another one?

Hello, Al. Another load?

- Howdy, Joe. Yeah.

- Got another load for you.

[Men Jeering]

- Oh, look at the mug on that guy.

- Look at that pan!

[Jeering Continues]

Say, is there a piccolo player in the crowd?

Why, no, sir.

But I can play a saxophone.

So that's what you're in for.

For three months, I been tryin' to get a piccolo

player, and all they send up is saxophones.

Just a lot of punks.

That's all.

[Man]

Oh, noo that's a shame.

What'd you do, boy,

rob your mama's bank?

Poor kids.

What do you think of that?

- Ain't that a dirty shame?

- Get the pan on this guy.

[Men Jeering]

I been in this jail 40 years...

and the saps they send up here

gets worse and worse.

It's gettin' to be a day nursery.

They wouldn't even allow

those kind of guys in here in my time.

How'd they keep 'em out?

Blackball 'em?

- You know what they'd have called

Big Pete in my day?

- What?

- A sissy.

- [Laughter]

Yeah, there was men in those days-

men with needles in their chests,

men like meself.

[Bones Crack]

Come on over and play ball.

[Chattering]

Just one week before the big game,

and they had to go and pardon the pitcher.

It's politics.

That's what it is- politics.

- Somebody higher up don't want us to win.

- You know who it is?

The governor.

- Jessell!

- Well, if it ain't little Morris. So you're here!

Yes, I'm here.

And you're here too, where you belong.

You got me all wrong, kid.

I lost more money on that horse than you did.

Did you, Jessell? Did you lose

your position and money and friends?

And mother?

She died at my trial. You killed her.

- If it hadn't been for you-

- Shut up, you little soine.

- You were a thief long before I knew you.

- That's a lie! Take it back!

Cut it out!

Go on. Scram!

Don't do that. Come on.

Don't take it so hard.

I can't help it.

How did your family feel?

Well, they don't know.

I changed my name.

They think I'm in China.

- How'd you do that?

- Well, I got friends out there.

They forward my letters home

and cable my folks once a month.

[Bell Rings]

I'll see you around.

I work in the office there.

Got a lot of new fish coming in.

You know, associates, inmates.

Come on, son.

Buck up, boy.

[Man]

Come on, you fellas, oill you? Come on.

All right, Pop.

What's the hurry?

- I got plenty of time- 30 years.

- Nix, only 20 for me.

Say, do you think they'd mind

if I was to join in?

- Can you play ball?

- Why, sure.

Go on and get over there then.

Pop'll plaster you with kisses. Hurry up.

And this is the men's yard.

Aren't you afraid here with

all these dreadful characters?

Oh, dear, no.

They're just like little children to me.

In fact, to all the welfare workers.

Watch it.

Oh, how do you do, Mrs. Massey?

- How do you do?

- So jolly to see you again.

Uh, I missed you terribly last Thursday.

Had some friends up from the city.

Charming people.

They were very disappointed

not to meet you.

Well, cheerio.

See you again.

- You see?

- And who is he?

Electrical genius.

Wiretapper.

[Jeo's Harp Toangs]

Hi, Dooley.

- Famous strangler.

- [Gasps]

Now we go over to the welfare rooms.

You see? They're right over there.

- [Shrieks]

- [Massey] Don't be afraid.

He's just amusing littleJean...

the warden's daughter.

Jean, say hello to my friends.

- How do you do?

- How do you do, dear?

Have you a kiss for Mrs. Massey?

- Yes, Mrs. Massey. I gave it to Rex.

- The dog?

[Clears Throat]

Let's go over to the welfare room.

- Okay, what's next, Eddie?

- Try this one, Jean.

[Men]

That-a-boy, Eddie.

- Oh, I can do that!

- No, you can't.

- Geez, that-a-girl!

- Here's one you can't do.

Walk on your ear, Jean.

No.

Of course not!

- ? [Bass Drum]

- ? [Marching Band]

? [Band Continues]

I got him.

- [Man, Indistinct]

- [Man] Look this oay please.

Keep smilin'noo.

[Man]

Big smile, St. Louis.

All right, one oith your laoyer,

St. Louis.

Come on.

Get over here, Marvin.

- [Man] Thanks!

- Thank you.

- [No Audible Dialogue]

- Come on, buddy. Move up.

Guy oith the camera, move up.

?? [March]

[Chattering]

Through here.

Number one, right here please.

- Number two, right here.

- Well, hello, Sophie.

- Number three-

- Hello, Kitty. Glad to see you back again.

Lemme see. I ain't seen you

in about a month, ain't it?

- I know.

- Well, come on.

I'm gonna take care of you two myself.

Lovely. By golly, you girls- I'm going

to check these two girls in personally.

- [Woman] Hoo's it been?

- Everything is lovely.

We've got a neo oing on the place.

The mockingbirds

are singing just the same.

- [Man] Name?

- Judith Fields.

- Age?

- Twenty-one.

- Your first offense?

- The first time they caught me.

- Fraud?

- I told fortunes.

And they gave you

three years for that?

Well, after I'd finished

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