Up the River Page #5

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Oh, we certainly knocked them

cold out there tonight.

- Boy, they're laughin' out there yet.

- Mi, mi, mi-mi-mi-mi.

Mi, mi, mi.

Come on, kid.

Knock 'em in the aisles. You're a cinch.

- They're a pushover.

- Gee, but I'm scared.

Go on out and look 'em in the eye

and sing, kid.

They can't walk out

on you anyway, kid.

?? [Orchestral]

?? [Singing]

- ?? [Singing Continues]

- ?? [Humming]

?? [Ends]

[Applause]

- Well?

- Well, I ain't goin' through with it, I tell you.

Now, listen.

I never break my word.

And I gave my word toJudy. And we're goin'

to New England, and we're goin' tonight.

I can't go to New England, not tonight.

I'm in the finale.

- [Man] Oh, ohat's the use, St. Louis?

- Say, listen.

If you don't do like I tell you,

it's gonna be your finale.

All right, I'll go.

What's that got to do with the act?

- It's part of my plan, you sap.

- Oh.

- What do I do when I get on the stage?

- You just stand there.

- Don't I sing or dance or do nothin'?

- Yeah. You do nothin'.

I'm gettin' smart.

There's somethin' screwy about this.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

our next act will hardly need an introduction.

Allow me to present

St. Louis and Company.

[Cheering]

Thanks very much.

Ladies and gentlemen, they've asked me to do

my little bit for the entertainment tonight.

I can't sing, and I can't dance.

But I'll tell you what I will do.

I'll do an act that I used to do when I was

a little kid and ran away with the circus.

This is a knife-throwing act,

and I use a human target.

And the gentleman that's kindly

consented to act as my target tonight...

is none other than my old

partner and pal, Dannemora Dan.

?? [Orchestral]

Right over there, Danny.

Right over there.

Listen, you guys wanna be quiet out there.

I gotta have absolute quiet.

Are all the lights in this theater controlled

from that switchboard right there?

- [Man] That's right, sir.

- Thanks very much.

- Throw a little more light on Danny's head.

- [Man] All right, sir.

Listen, you wanna remember that

I haven't done this act for a long time.

I'm liable to make a few slips.

You've got to overlook that.

I'll do my best though to go through

the act without any serious injury.

Now, Danny, Danny-

? [Drum Roll]

He missed him!

? [Drum Roll]

[Cheering]

[Cheering Continues]

?? [March]

?? [All Singing]

- ?? [Fades]

- [Screaming]

[Warden]

Quiet, quiet. Everybody, noo-

Quiet, now. Quiet, boys.

Every man stay in his own place.

No commotion, please.

Miss Massey, will you leave by the side door?

Joe, open that door.

[Excited Chatter]

- [Chattering]

- ? [Singing Resumes]

?? [Ends]

Thanks, boys. Thanks.

I'm proud of you.

Come on, boys.

Give the warden a great big cheer.

[Cheering]

- I guess they made it.

- Yeah.

[Engine Puffing]

[Whistle Bloos]

Frosby. You'd tell everybody

that I was an ex-convict.

- But now that you've started

to swindle my mother-

- Swindle?

She told me all about you. She told me

about every crooked deal you ever pulled.

- Well, what do you want me to do?

- I want you to get out of town.

Well, I won't get out of town.

And I'll tell your mother that you

weren't in China- that you were in jail.

- An ex-convict!

- You'd do that?

Well, you won't have to,

because I'll tell her myself.

- Now, listen, you little jailbird-

- All right, I am a jailbird!

But in jail, I learned how

to handle crooks like you!

You've been threatening me!

Now, I'll threaten you!

If you don't get out of this town

by tonight, I'll kill you!

We're not intruding, are we?

Oh, no, not at all, gentlemen.

Would you sit down?

Our business can wait.

Glad to know you, Mr. Jones.

- Well, ohat can I do for you?

- I wanted to have a little business talk with ya.

Well, you'll have to make it pretty short,

because he's leaving town.

- That's too bad.

I'll see you when you come back.

- He won't be back.

Oh. Well, that's-

that's tough.

Oh, say, by the way,

which is the best hotel in town?

Well, there isn't any best.

They're all terrible.

But I'd like very much

to have you stay at my house.

Oh, no. I don't wanna

put you to all that trouble.

[Slams Door]

Why, it won't be any trouble at all.

Really, I'd like to have you

meet my mother and my sister.

Give you a nice room,

and put him in the garage.

- Swell.

- And I know how you traveling men...

like to get a good home-cooked meal.

Ah, boy, now you're talkin'. Say,

I haven't had a home-cooked meal in year-

Uh, it's been quite some time now.

Okay, then.

Suppose we go right over?

Fine and dandy.

Come along there, brains.

There are millions

to be made in this stock.

Wrap that up and save it for me.

I'll be back later.

[Steve] Frosby, be doon at the train

tonight to make sure you don't miss it.

- Bye-bye.

- Good-bye.

[Slams]

- Say, listen, Frosby, what are you trying to do?

- Huh?

Those two guns from New York-

What about them?

I never saw them before.

- Say, have you got some new game

you're not gonna cut us in?

- Now, listen, cutie.

- As long as you're as pretty as you are-

- Oh!

Listen, if you even try

to double-cross us...

you know what will happen to you.

Aw, shut up!

Get out of my way! I'm busy.

Come on in, fellas.

- Oh.

- Hello, Mother.

- Hello, dear.

- Say, listen, Mother...

I brought a couple of friends home

to spend the weekend with me.

- You don't mind, do you?

- Oh, no, of course not. Bring them right in.

All right.

Come on in, boys.

Mother, I want you to meet Mr. -

- Jones.

- Do you belong to the Salem Joneses

or New Bedford Joneses?

Well, I'll tell you, ma'am,

I come from New York State.

Yes, you see, and this is Mr. -

- Dannemora.

- Oh.

- Say, where's baby?

- Danny Mora. I think she's upstairs.

Hello, Sis. Sis, I want you

to meet a couple of friends of mine.

This is my sister.

This is Mr. Jones and Mr. Mora.

- How do you do? How do you do?

- Thank you.

Now, come right in, children,

and make yourselves perfectly at home.

- Won't you sit down?

- Thanks.

- You sit here, will you?

- Thank you very much.

I'll take your hat. And I'll take your hat.

You can sit right here.

I hope you'll make yourselves

perfectly at home.

And you may smoke if you like.

Steve smokes.

I caught him once smoking corn silk

when he was a little boy.

Gee, Steve, that was wrong.

Well, anyway, he's grown up

to be a fine young boy.

I'll help Sophie get supper.

- Could I help you, ma'am?

- Oh, no, thank you, dear. Sophie's here.

Gee, Steve, this is great.

This is swell.

Boy, your mother and-

This is great.

- [Coughs]

- Do you like our home?

Sure.

And your mother's nice.

Pretty.

Who's his nobs here, your father?

Oh, no.

That's Abraham Lincoln.

Oh.

Is that him? I know.

The father of this country.

Come along, children.

Our dinner is served.

Now, let me see.

How am I going to seat you?

Mr. Sterling dines with us

about once a month...

so I'll put our newest guest,

Mr. Jones, at my right.

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