Uptown Saturday Night Page #3

See how bloodshot it is?

Know how it got that way?

From sleeping with one eye open, baby.

Life ain't easy. Always on the move...

people after me with guns. Looking

under the hood of your car for bombs...

peeking out windows,

peering down hallways.

ln the movies, right?

The movies always got some super n*gger

killing some white boy in the Mafia...

beating up the crooked police.

That's not true and it don't help me either.

And women. They all got women.

Black detective in the movies

always got a woman.

Watch yourself.

I ain't had a woman in how long? Months!

I might as well be a monk,

and that's what it's like being a detective.

That's the real truth of it.

It's always steady on the case.

I'm getting my thing together, too, baby,

because I'm Sharp Eye Washington.

Steady on the case.

We give you $50 down

and the rest when you find our property.

You got a deal. Just write your name,

address and phone number.

Like I said, you got nothing to worry about

because I'm going to find your property.

The address and the phone number.

$50.

But we ain't told you what we lost.

I was about to bring that up.

It's something very valuable.

Yeah.

-And it's more precious than gold?

-That's right.

-It's a....

-Wallet.

I thought so. What's in it?

Some family pictures...

and some...sentimental souvenirs.

I thought it was something like that.

Well, steady on the case.

Say, man. Hey!

It's just my way of staying one step ahead

of the thieves and hustlers.

Wait.

I know. A wallet.

Listen. Look, wait a minute!

What's that?

I'd like to get 300 tickets

to the policeman's ball.

Your con days are over, Washington.

-He stole our money.

-He stole a lot of people's money, fella.

-We've been on your trail a long time.

-I was framed.

You said that in Des Moines, lowa...

where you were Cleophus Washington,

a preacher.

You escaped from custody.

You said it in Jersey City where...

you were Henry Hawthorne Washington,

a bogus lawyer. You jumped bail.

Your clients are still waiting

for you to handle their cases.

That's my cousin Clarence Washington.

That's not me.

Damn, man, we trusted you.

I mean, why us?

-Why not you, brother?

-Take him away.

Wait a minute. He stole our money.

What do we do about that?

I advise you to go to file a complaint

for the return of the money...

but let me warn you,

you'll be waiting in a long line.

Is the Governor in town?

Get him down here. I want to see him.

-Yes, may I help you?

-We'd like to see Congressman Lincoln.

Excuse me, Congressman Lincoln, there

are two gentlemen waiting to see you.

-Yes, of course, from the Mayor's office.

-No, sir.

Then perhaps the press.

I think not, sir.

They look, well, rather ordinary.

-Constituents?

-Yes, sir.

-Show them in.

-Yes, sir.

-Quick, their names.

-Mr. Franklin. Mr. Jackson.

-Right.

-Show them in.

Yes, sir.

Gentlemen.

Brothers, brothers.

I am so glad to see you.

Mr. Jackson, how do you do?

And Mr. Franklin, I'm delighted to see you.

-I'm Jackson, he's Franklin.

-I'm sorry about that.

Brothers.

Have a seat.

-Now, then, Mr. Wilson--

-Jackson.

Oh, yes, of course.

You see, I am so glad to see you.

lt isn't often I'm privileged to see

our more common folk...

the real salt-of-the-earth folk, you know.

As I was just saying to my beloved wife...

it is because of knowing the ordinary folk

in our daily lives...

that we can keep in touch

with the pulse of the grassroots.

Now, brothers, what can I do for you?

We have this problem--

Problem? Your problems

are my problems...

and our problems are the problems

of all black people.

-We were robbed, Congressman Lincoln.

-No.

-Yes, at gunpoint.

-Gunpoint?

What a shame.

lt wasn't brothers, was it?

They were wearing masks,

but we are sure they were black.

My people.

How long?

Why do we do this to one another?

-Now you were saying you were robbed.

-The other night.

Our wallets, our jewelry...

and some very valuable mementos

that we kept....

Never fear.

Just one simple phone call...

to my good friend Lieutenant Hardcastle

down at police headquarters...

ought to go a long way

in capturing this traitor to our race.

Where did you say

this robbery took place?

Madame Zenobia.

-ls the line busy?

-Madame Zenobia?

You know the place?

Yes.

That is...

l've heard...

of that illegal...

after-hours club.

A den of iniquity.

Yes, a lot of hip people go by there,

people from all different sides of the track.

lrresponsible ingrates, brothers.

You would be well advised not to venture

down that dark path.

Just last week,

I was saying to my beloved wife...

that I would not be caught dead

in such a place.

Hi, how you doing today, sugar?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't realize you were in a conference.

Brother man, what's happening?

-Peggy Leggy.

-No.

Around here, folks call me Mrs. Lincoln.

You know, in spite of

that whole rip-off thing...

child, I had me a ball, I want to tell you!

Peg, dear, must you always speak dialect?

It's so condescending.

We must rid ourselves

of these linguistic shackles.

Honey, hush.

You all have got to forgive my husband.

I love his sweet seIf to death...

but ever since he got a bit of position,

he thinks he's into something.

There was a time

when he still liked fried chicken.

I get so tired

of going to them corny dances...

corny dinners we keep getting invited to...

where you be the token one

and everybody standing around...

looking at you

like you something in the zoo.

I got tired!

About six months ago,

I got old Super Black over here...

to take me to where my folks is.

I figure he'd take me to a dinner,

take me dancing or something...

and, child, he come taking me

to Zenobia's.

He knew all the bouncers,

all the waitresses by their first names...

and come to find out,

he a charter member!

Damn near blew my mind.

This n*gger's something else, honey.

You see, I discovered

that a great number of my constituents....

Honey, that ain't nothing

for you to be ashamed of.

Them politicians

you be hanging out with in Washington...

be getting into their pleasures

a whole lot worse of ways than that.

Right, brothers?

How can one work

for the good of one's people...

if one's wife continually airs in public

one's dirty laundry?

The phrase is

"putting one's business in the street."

You see what I mean?

So, what brings

you all around here visiting?

We're trying to get some help...

to track down them stick-up fellas...

'cause we lost some very valuable

property the other night.

I'm sorry to hear that.

And them n*ggers

interrupted the best roll...

I ever had!

Listen, there's a big-time hood named

Geechie Dan Beauford you should see.

Also, get a rundown on a local hustler

named Little Seymour.

Personally, I think Seymour

is the one who done it, but be careful.

Little Seymour travels with a bodyguard

named Big Percy, who can get real ugly.

-You sure this is the place?

-Yes, I'm sure.

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