Urban Legend Page #2

but an urban legend.

Professor!

He's gonna explode!

Somebody call 911! Go!

Thank you for your help.

Brilliant. He's brilliant.

He is such a moron.

Yeah, but who fell for it?

Hey, what's going on?

Excuse me, young man.

Can't read these.

She just left the campus.

- She went to Pendleton?

- You have got to be kidding me.

I knew I should've gone to N.Y.U.

Tragic, huh?

Hi.

Is this true?

I certainly hope so.

Otherwise I'm gonna have

one hell of a retraction on my hands.

What do you think you're doin'?

You can't just come

and take every copy here.

You're the one that wrote

this inflammatory piece of rubbish.

Actually, the fatuous quotes about

being deeply shocked and heartsick...

are yours, Dean Adams.

Let me tell you something,

young man.

The only lunatic

on this campus is you.

I'm flattered.

Can I quote you on that?

I have a quote for ya.

"U.S. News and World Report"...

named Pendleton the safest university

in this country.

And you best believe,

I intend to keep it that way.

Thank you, Reese.

I'll make sure...

and stick that in the special

school safety edition.

Hold on a second.

How about some interviews, you know?

Students react to

the tragedy on campus.

I am saddened and moved by-

This was someone's life.

Did you even spend one minute

thinking about that?

No, I didn't.

But because of my story,

I think that's enough

to help me sleep at night.

Come on. Let's go.

The decapitated body

of 20-year-old...

Pendleton student, Michelle Mancini...

was found in her car.

Police suspect her assailant

was probably hiding in the back seat.

In the meantime, the search continues

for Michael McDonald...

the proprietor of this gas station

where she was last seen.

Police are asking anyone with

any information on his whereabouts...

to contact them immediately.

This is David McAree

reporting live.

That's horrible.

Someone told me that she was listening

to my show when it happened.

My voice was probably

the last thing she heard.

- Can you imagine?

- What if there is a lunatic on campus?

That's fine with me. I'm hitting the

half pipe at Kellington this weekend.

Did anyone here know her?

She roomed in Daley.

- No.

- No.

Hello?

Space cadet.

Oh, no, I didn't know her.

Actually, you know,

I did know her.

- You did?

- Yeah.

I'll miss her, too, because...

that girl gave great head.

You get it?

She gave great head.

- Come on!

- That was good.

Hey, Tash.

- Sorry about last night.

- Yeah?

Well, don't let it happen again.

Here. You dropped these.

Excuse me?

This is my phone line too.

Hey, it's Brenda.

You seemed kind of weird this afternoon.

You okay, hon? Call me.

Natalie, it's Mom.

Listen, sweetie, I'm just calling

to make sure you're okay.

Isn't it horrible about Michelle?

Please call, okay?

I love you.

Hey! I was just

in the neighborhood.

Thought I'd drop by,

see if you wanted to go to the house.

Parker said he's gonna

pierce Hootie's nose.

Hootie's a dog.

Yeah, there's no reason

he can't be hip.

No, that's okay, Damon.

What's up? You all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Listen, we don't have to go hang out

with a bunch of drunken frat boys.

We could just

go someplace and talk.

I don't really want this

to get out around campus...

but I can actually be a pretty good

listener every once in a while.

- A little something to warm you up?

- Sure.

It's a slight process.

Oh, God.

So you and Michelle

were friends then?

Yeah.

So what happened?

I'd really rather not

talk about it anymore.

It's completely understandable.

If you don't want to open up,

that's fine.

I want you to know that...

I know exactly

what you're going through.

- You do?

- Sure.

I lost somebody close to me.

My girlfriend, she's-

- She's dead.

- Oh, I'm so sorry.

No, it's okay.

She was sick for awhile.

She had...

a syndrome...

and after that...

I was afraid to get close to anybody

for a long time, but then...

it hit me, you know.

Why am I being so selfish?

I still have so much love

inside of me left to give.

- You do?

- Yeah, and Natalie...

you're in need of loving.

- I am?

- Yeah.

You're lonely.

You're repressed.

You're aching to break loose.

Those are the type of problems

that only a man can fix.

And, I suppose,

you're that man.

Well, you know-

Nice try. That was a fairly good

impersonation of a human being.

I understand, you're afraid.

But you don't

have to be afraid anymore.

You don't have to

be afraid to love.

Start the car right now.

Okay, that hurt. I'm just trying

to help you out here.

You don't have to act

like such a b*tch.

It's not an act.

Believe me.

You sure you don't wanna

think this over?

because I'm all about healing.

One black eye or two?

You decide.

All right, fine.

I'm gonna take a piss.

I'll be right back.

Pig.

Shake it and let's go.

Come on!

Don't start the car.

This is the end of your rotten life,

you motherfuckin' dope pusher!

It was easy for him because he really

didn't believe it was coming.

But it ain't gonna be easy for you

because you better believe this coming.

Girl, what's wrong with you?

They killed him!

Somebody killed him!

It's right past this bridge.

I don't see nothing.

Are you sure this is it?

- I don't get it. The car was-

- Here, huh?

You don't mind me asking-

What the hell are you on?

Nothing! The car was right here.

- Right here.

- I saw his body. I touched it.

It's probably the same person

who killed Michelle Mancini.

That's impossible, baby.

The police arrested that gas station

attendant this afternoon.

It was a mannequin.

Damon uses it all the time

to scare pledges during hazing.

He also has this

life-size blow-up doll.

- But you don't wanna know about that.

- It wasn't a mannequin.

- Damon was dead.

- Come on.

Damon is the best practical joker

on this campus, all right?

He once convinced a freshman he was

the middle Hanson brother to get laid.

- Shouldn't he be enjoying his handiwork?

- Weekend snowboarding trip.

Some last-fling bachelor party

with some high school buddies.

Come on.

Whoa, wait a minute.

Scratching on the roof

of the car.

Don't you guys get it?

Come on.

Just like that urban legend.

- What are you talking about?

- Come on.

Wexler talks about it

every semester in class.

You know? Guy and a girl

parked out in the woods, making out.

- You made out with him?

- Guy steps out of the car...

and the girl starts to hear

these scratching noises on the roof.

It's her dead boyfriend,

hung from a tree.

Damon's in the class.

He knew the myth.

He must've just planned

the whole thing out.

Well, I thought it was the only way

a girl would ever say he was hung.

Conniving bastard.

Wait a second.

Isn't there another story...

about a guy with an axe

hiding in a woman's back seat?

Hello? My mom still checks the back seat

before getting into a car.

That's how Michelle Mancini died.

Oh, my God.

What are you trying to say?

It's like someone out there

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