Urbania Page #3

I don't know.

- I'll let you go now.

- No, no.

I'll stay for a little while.

Let's watch

"Women In Love."

No.

I'm going to lie here and tell

myself stories about you

and the cold night,

looking for your man.

Don't worry.

In my version you'll always

come out on top.

Hearing your voice

on the message

doesn't cut it anymore.

I need you to talk to me.

I finally figured out

what I need to do.

Please pick up.

Look, I'm going to be

a second, okay?

You have to be able

to talk to me.

Just... What?!

I gotta call you back.

Yeah, somebody here

needs an ambulance.

I'm sorry.

Oh God.

That's $5.

Hey, charlie.

Matt.

No sign yet.

Thanks.

Be patient, my friend.

That's my middle name.

God rewards the patient.

I thought he rewarded the meek,

or something.

Both.

That's good.

It will be my night

after all then.

See ya.

No, I've got my heart set.

Are you kidding me?

Did you see that guy?

I don't know if I could

kick him out of my ass.

Oh, he's not.

Go, get out of here.

If your guy comes,

he'll stay a while.

The blindfold,

for, you know,

before you get on the plane.

I start to think he's trying

to sell me into white slavery,

but no, St. Bart's!

I'm think Barry has gotten well.

First day on the beach,

fabulous.

Aw, see?

But then, you know,

we go back to the room,

and the room

when we had been out,

had been

completely ransacked.

Somebody, you know,

like, the help... the natives...

oh, I'm sorry...

but somebody had gone through

and stolen everything.

My clothes, everything.

But the camera, thank God.

And, you know,

all the bathroom junk

like the contact lens stuff,

the toothbrush... is still there.

Okay, so Gary asks me,

"What do we do?"

Well, I will not be moved.

I will not start the rest

of my life with this violation.

Sh*t happens, the saying goes.

So,

Barry and I just took

the best damn pictures we could.

Look at this one.

I'll be getting lots

of multiples of these.

Night.

- How much is that?

- $40.

- Thank you.

- Oh my God!

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

- Here you go.

- Leave it!

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Wow.

I guess

sh*t really does happen.

I'm...

Third time's a charm.

Second floor.

Hello?

Television:

But now everything's changed.

- I don't know you anymore.

- Hello?

The accident's turned you

into something else,

someone I don't know.

These arms were made

to hold you.

No, stop.

Tomorrow.

It's from my reel.

I want to make sure

it taped okay.

Soaps suck.

My agent's trying

to get me off it.

You don't give a sh*t.

That's cool.

What can I do

to impress you?

I'm fine.

You like acting?

Oh, yeah.

You get to be other people...

if you're good.

You get to scream and shout,

let the demons out.

You get noticed,

which makes having demons

almost worthwhile.

I love that I go over,

you go under.

Didn't we just do that?

Move.

You're on my side.

Let's find out

how the other half sleeps.

Scared of waking up

on the wrong side of the bed?

You think you're so brave.

No, I don't.

I just hoped that if I sleep

in your space

you'll be in my dreams.

Want one?

- Thanks, no.

- It'll make you happy.

I don't look happy?

You seem, uh...

you seem a little tense,

mystery man.

How'd you get that?

Bar brawl.

I love scars on a guy.

They make them

look dangerous.

That's why

I picked you up tonight.

So you think I'm dangerous?

I might as well take my chances

and find out.

Something about

those eyes...

and that.

So you like dangerous guys?

I don't know.

It livens things up.

I get bored easily.

For a while,

I went to sex clubs.

I didn't let anyone

touch me,

I'm not some sort of freak,

but uh...

I went to just walk around,

watch people do sh*t,

get noticed,

get asked to do things.

You wouldn't believe the kind

of sh*t people are into.

I mean, the things that

they wanted me to do to them,

but that got boring, too.

Yeah, I'm not really into

the whole queer scene.

I don't even know any guys

who are, like, totally gay.

Excuse me?

Well, my friends.

My guy friends are straight.

I consider myself bisexual.

There was this gal

at school.

She was short, she was pretty.

She was a hell of an actress

and we were engaged for a while.

I really like girls,

but...

Well?

You can't help yourself, right?

Your libidinous nature is just

a mask that you f*** everything.

Yeah.

Hey, listen, uh...

- charlie.

- Charlie...

charlie,

if I didn't like you

in my place.

Oh, in your place.

I'm breathing

the very same air.

What more

could a girl wish?

I guess whatever happens

after this will be gravy, right?

Come on, let's f***.

It's cold.

Okay, okay.

Look, I don't

get f***ed, okay?

It's just...

I don't allow it.

Really?

Sh*t, because that's all I do.

I f***.

What's so funny?

You're a weird guy, charlie.

Why do you say that?

Ron.

Ron. I'm serious, Ron.

That's why you brought me here,

isn't it?

All right! Okay, okay.

All right.

Maybe this was

a mistake, okay?

This isn't going

to work out.

So...

- Yeah, what?

- Maybe you should just leave.

Maybe you should

just make me, okay?

- What?

- You're the man, right?

You like danger.

- Just go.

- I'm dismissed.

- I didn't pass muster.

- This is my place.

You can say that all night.

Look, I mean it.

Get out of here.

You get the f*** out of here.

I mean it.

Let's go.

So do I.

What the f***

are you gonna do?

You bring a guy here,

up to your place,

with presumably every intention

on your part

and his, to f***,

somebody you don't even know,

and here he is.

Maybe he takes offense

at something you said.

Maybe he takes offense

at any number of things.

And sure, you can claim

territorial imperative.

It is your place.

Maybe he just doesn't

give a sh*t.

What the f*** are you

going to do?

You going to come over here

and call the cops?

See if you get that far.

You want me to f*** you?

Huh, c*nt?

You want me to?

I'll give you a scar

you really don't want, a**hole.

F*ggot!

Chuck.

I did not.

F***!

Woman:

No, I made a couple of hints...

Honey, I think

we've got company.

I hope I'm not interrupting.

- Chuck, right?

- Yeah?

How are you doing?

Not bad.

That's good.

You don't remember me,

do you?

Yeah, no...

I'm trying to place the...

chuck's real bad with names

and faces and everything.

- That's too bad.

- But he's so cute and charming,

so we gotta forgive him.

Woman:
Chuck, table for two.

Oh, I'll walk you.

- I'm Deedee.

- I'm charlie.

- Nice to meet you, charlie.

- Nice to meet you, Deedee.

Oh no, no no, I got it.

You played baseball against us

in the park, right?

Grey, right?

Right?

Honey, Grey Advertising.

At the park?

Baseball Saturday,

isn't it the best?

You and me and Don and Bob

and all us guys.

Scratching our nuts

inside our jocks,

swinging our hunks of wood,

reaching into the Igloo cooler

and downing some coors,

getting buzzed.

Oh, and then some babes

walk by

and we say things

to get their attention.

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