Used Cars Page #6

Today is the tenth... and you know

what time it was when i found the dime?

Ten after ten!

I can't lose, so i bet ten bucks.

That's the dumbest f***ing sh*t

i ever heard in my life.

Superstitious crap... i'm gonna push you

under a ladder on friday the 13th.

Why don't you just go ahead and call her?

She knows you belong on that lot.

Just call her.

Okay, okay, okay...

mr russo?

This is mr caldwell, the party chairman.

The machine has to present its slate

of candidates the day after tomorrow.

We'll need your contribution.

You do have it, don't you?

- Yeah, i got it.

- Very good.

Put it out! Put it out!

Here's the script, boss.

You're sure this is the one they're

filming over there now?

- I swiped it right off the truck.

- Well, this stinks.

I wouldn't buy a car from anybody

who put this kind of sh*t on tv.

- Would you?

- I wouldn't.

That's what i keep telling you.

She don't know what the hell she's doing.

She hasn't sold a car in four days. At this

rate she'll be bankrupt in three weeks.

Roy? Sam. Any progress with your niece?

No, she's as stubborn as her old man.

She won't sell dick.

But i'll just bide my time.

She'll be bankrupt in two weeks.

You haven't any time to bide.

The mayor's going to announce

the new freeway the day after tomorrow.

You'd better find some sucker

to buy your lot.

Roy?

A**hole mayor!

We know anybody over at channel 7?

Now watch this.

See the... style of cars

we have to choose from. We have...

you see where she said "style"?

See the... style of cars

we have to choose from...

further on down she says this:

west of...

a mile. I took the word mile

and i put it over style.

Now watch this.

Come on down and see the mile

of cars we have to choose from.

Son of a b*tch!

Let me see that again.

See the... mile of cars...

we have to choose from...

goddam, that's terrific!

What do you think, sam?

Most blatant case of false advertising.

I could have her convicted

- When are they going to show that?

- During tonight's game.

Why don't you come on down and see

the mile of cars we have to choose from?

She said she had a mile of cars.

Can you believe that?

That's the most blatant claim

of false advertising i ever heard.

She sure looks good, though, doesn't she?

Russo, i've been looking

all over for you.

I'm about to lose my job

because of you.

I've got more than 250 sophomores who

aren't going to pass driver education -

- because your frigging cars won't run.

You got an auto-shop class. Enrol your

sophomores and teach them something.

I'll teach you something.

What did i tell you, rudy?

Denver!

When i get a feeling, i get a feeling.

Hell of a game!

You should have put some money on it.

- I did.

- Great!

On kansas city.

Kansas city?

How much did you put down?

All of it.

All of it?

Everything i own.

Forty gs?!

You dope! You just threw it

right down the tubes!

Don't you get it? The only way

you can win is if... if i lose.

I wouldn't worry about that.

I think your money's in the bag.

A minute to go... i think denver would

have to run into some pretty bad luck.

...denver would have to run

into some pretty bad luck...

he fumbled the ball!

It's recovered...

i got the ball...

i got it.

Hold this stuff,

i gotta turn this contest around.

I got the ball, jim.

I got a chance, babe.

- More salt!

- Please god...

...no one seemed to hit him, and yet,

the ball squirted, just like magic...

black magic, more like it, danny...

pass the ball...

is there a black cat in the house?

How about a ladder?

What the hell are you trying to do?

Duck!

Touchdown!

I don't believe it!

I made it!

You got the money, russo?

Or should i say "senator russo"?

Mr tucker, i gotta tell you,

i'm a little bit nervous about...

about what i'm supposed to do. What sort

of policies are you guys trying to push?

The party shares the concern of the

american taxpayer, the working man.

Here's the new freeway we're announcing.

My son-in-law got that contract.

Fine boy!

We're also in favour of public facilities.

We're going to tear down

that old hospital on the east side -

- and put in a nice golf course.

Chairman caldwell really likes to play

golf. Wins every tournament he plays in.

He's got a 48 handicap, fine golfer.

And we're in favour of lowering taxes.

Didn't you use to work there?

Closed?

The party's

looking out for the consumer.

Last night, the proprietor made a

false claim on a television commercial.

One of our constituents

brought it to our attention.

The case goes before a judge in about

five minutes. Justice can be swift.

What the hell do you mean

you got hanging judge harrison?

He's not on our take, he's legit!

Remember that coloured kid

found guilty for stealing a case of beer?

Hanging judge harrison gave him

You need someone to throw

the book at this broad.

I've paid off all the witnesses, i even

have her attorney on my payroll.

I can win this case, roy. Trust me.

She's a first offender. That's a

$500 fine, even if they do convict her.

She's gonna be convicted and i'm afraid

the fine is going to be real severe.

Jesus...

there's only one thing she can do:

Sell that lot.

Jesus christ!

Wait a minute, russo!

Hold it! Wait a minute!

Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye!

The honourable h. h. Harrison presiding.

Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye!

The honourable h. h. Harrison presiding.

All rise!

This court -

- is now in session.

Do you solemnly swear to tell

the whole truth, so help you god?

I do.

Excuse me...

excuse me... pardon me... sorry.

Mr slaton?

Will you commence the questioning?

Please state your name and occupation.

Barbara jane fuchs. I'm the owner

of the new deal car lot.

We have heard testimony

from four qualified experts, -

- right here in this courtroom, to the

fact that the commercial in question -

- was authorised by you

and was not tampered with in any way.

I put it to you, miss fuchs: Do you

have a mile of cars to sell on your lot?

Yes! Lie!

Could you repeat the question, please?

Do you have a mile of cars

for sale on your lot?

When placed end to end, will the cars

on your lot total one mile in length, -

- and may i remind you

you are under oath?

- I don't know...

- speak up, miss fuchs!

Yes.

Order!

Order! Order!

Miss fuchs?

Are you absolutely certain that you

understood the gentleman's question?

You realise, miss fuchs,

that one mile of cars is over 250 cars?

Are you aware that you've opened

yourself up to a charge of perjury?

What?

I can produce a number of witnesses who

will testify to the fact that she is lying.

That she has, in fact,

only 25 cars on her lot at this time.

Why don't see for yourself, judge?

Order!

- I have no objection to that.

- Neither do i.

Miss fuchs, i'm gonna release you

on your own recognizance.

Court will reconvene at 2.45 p. m.

At the new deal used car lot, -

- where i am going to

settle this matter once and for all.

But you've brought no transport trucks.

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