Valentino Page #5

He's sort of retired.

Anyway, be kind of a mouthful to say

during the big rape scene, don't you think?

You couldn't by any chance

be kidding me, could you?

I've never been more serious.

You've got to be careful now.

The Four Horsemen and Camille

made you a star.

They were quality movies.

You shouldn't be wasting your talent

on this sheik stuff.

- Meselope's bones?

- No, my own.

- Your bones told me to leave Metro.

- And you doubled your salary.

The next step is script approval.

- What if Lasky refuses?

- Kiss him goodbye.

Become independent

and produce your own films.

Nazimova did it.

Do you think any of the majors would've

backed a work of art like Salome?

Those shoe pedlars think "ars gratia artis"

means "a great piece of ass".

How is Salome?

I finished my set designs last week,

and now I'm teaching Nazimova

the Dance Of The Seven Veils.

You should be playing Salome yourself.

You like it then?

I would give half my kingdom

for you to finish it.

Well, where is it?

- Where is what?

- Half your kingdom.

Natasha, you know I love you.

Promises, promises,

you're as bad as Herod.

He wouldn't pay up either.

I meant I will give you anything.

Yes, I know what you were planning

to give me.

Can you blame me?

Yes, but you were cheating.

You can't give me half your kingdom

because it already belongs to your wife.

Wife?

You know my marriage to Jean

is no marriage at all.

I know she's suing you

for separate maintenance.

The whole thing was a disaster.

Yes, I heard about the honeymoon fiasco.

They say that when it got right down to it,

you couldn't even pay the bill.

I was down on my luck.

Yes, and when your luck changed,

you walked out on her.

She did the walking, not me.

Then you should file a cross complaint...

...for divorce.

I couldn't.

Last time I got mixed up in a divorce,

somebody got hurt.

Besides, it's not honourable to sully

a woman's reputation in the courts.

A court, a tent, what's the difference?

If I sue for divorce,

would you accept it?

- Accept what?

- Half my kingdom.

I never do anything halfway, darling.

That's one thing you should

learn about me right now...

...if I'm going to become your wife.

Natasha!

You make me the happiest of men.

Just look at that costume!

And you promised to fold it away neatly

for the big rape scene tomorrow.

Now, would you get dressed?

You look silly lying there

in nothing but a turban.

(# CHRIS ELLIS:
"The Sheik Of Araby")

# I'm the Sheik of Araby

# Your love belongs to me

# At night when you're asleep

# Into your tent I'll creep

# The stars that shine above

# Will light our way to love

# You'll rule this land with me

# The Sheik of Araby

# Over the desert wild and free

# Rides the bold Sheik of Araby

# His Arab band

# At his command

# Follow his love's caravan

# Under the shadow of the palms

# He sings to call her to his arms #

Natasha... Pazhalsta! No, please!

Darling, darling.

Oh, Natasha, please. Dyevushka...

Neat trick!

You talk us into doing a storyboard

for the next movie,

then you sell it to the press

as pornography.

Oh, but I did not plan it that way.

Please, believe me, dyevushka.

Oh, we will still make the dance film, yes?

We will still make the dance film, no!

Meselope says

it's time to change partners.

- I'm getting married.

- Oh, but you can't!

Spaghetti's divorce is not final.

This is bigamy.

Not in Mexico it's not.

And his name is Rudolph.

Oh... gavno!

(Car engine starts)

Hmm.

(Screaming)

(Swears in Russian) Let me go!

Oh, get her in and shut up.

Someone who hates us,

that's who did it.

Courva Nazimova.

You're not very lucky

in your choice of friends.

You're not very lucky

with your wedding nights, are you?

- June, are you there?

- Hi, George. What are you doing here?

Look, I'm... I'm sorry to bother you,

but it's important.

It must be to tear you away

from Sunday brunch.

- Rudy is in big trouble.

- What's the matter? Is he hurt?

No, no, no, nothing like that.

He's in jail.

- Jail?

- Yes, in jail.

The cops are holding him

on a bigamy charge.

He and Natasha got antsy,

you see,

so they skipped across the border

for a Mexican marriage

and they got caught

on the way back.

Now, June, if he's convicted,

it's good for one to five years,

and the D.A. has set the bail

at $10,000 on a Sunday, the bastard!

- Have you tried Lasky?

- Yes, yes, but he's not taking any calls.

Then we'd better make a call on him -

in person.

Ah, I've got my car right outside.

Hurry. Hurry, George. We don't want them

to spend the night in jail.

Afternoon, Mr Lasky.

Er... it's very good of you to see us.

Naturally it's pretty important,

or we'd never dream of bothering you.

What are you doing about

getting Valentino out ofjail?

Nothing.

But he's your biggest star!

$10,000 is chicken feed to the studio.

You made a fortune out of him.

Why spend $10,000 to get him out,

when we're getting a million dollar's worth

of free publicity with him on the inside?

How do I explain that to the stockholders?

That's inhuman!

Nonsense! It's strictly business.

The more the press knocks the boy,

the bigger the box office. Goodbye.

Goodbye, sir.

(Whimpering)

- And thanks anyway.

- You're welcome, I'm sure.

He thinks more of that damned monkey

than he does of Rudy.

A lousy ten grand!

Makes me wanna spit.

Have you tried Natasha's father?

He's a big shot in the cosmetics business

or something, isn't he?

Richard Hudnut, June,

is the cosmetics business.

Well, he sprang for Natasha all right,

but bail for resisting arrest

isn't a hell of a lot more

than that guy drops in a restaurant,

but Rudy he didn't want to know about.

Damnit, I'd lay out the dough myself,

but I'm between pictures.

Well, I'm not between pictures.

Call my lawyer just as soon as

the bank's open tomorrow, George.

Hey June, come on,

you haven't got that kind of money.

I've got a few buck tucked away.

what do you think I spend it on?

Champagne, baths

and black silk formals?

Just don't tell Rudy where it came from.

He'd never take it.

Are you sure you won't change your mind

and come along? I know he'd appreciate it.

Just drop me off at the studio, George.

It's a shame that he won't know that you're

the one pal who pulled for him in a pinch.

Oh, come on.

Cut the hearts and flowers, George.

He's my bread and butter.

(George) Rudy!

They've got you in the tank.

Thank God it's you, George.

I thought I would be here all night.

I'm sorry, Rudy.

Natasha's out for $500,

but your ten grand have been

too much of a stickler.

What about Lasky? The studio?

What can I say?

I guess they're scared of public opinion.

A charge of bigamy is a lot more serious

than just er... biting a policeman.

(Valentino) But I am legally divorced.

(George) Not in California you're not.

In California it takes a year

for a divorce to become final.

That's why we got married in Mexico

where they don't have that law.

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