Valiant Page #3

Oh, just like home.

[shouting]

[groaning]

- I've had enough.

- [gasping]

Speak!

Lieutenant Mercury,

Royal Homing Pigeon Service,

Oh. Bring me the truth serum.

Coming up. Right away.

- [laughing]

- Come on, come on, come on.

One shot of this,

and we will know everything.

I'll never talk.

Never! Never!

[snoring]

- [Bugsy snores]

- [flies wheeze]

Wakey, wakey!

You birdbrains are Squad F.

You know what that means?

Squad fantastic?

- Squad formidable?

- No.

- Philosophical?

- No!

- It means you are the flyers...

- [whooping]

...of the future.

[whooping, grunting]

The far future.

But my job, somehow, is to make you

the carrier pigeons of today.

Ooh. Ha, ha, ha.

[groans]

Good maneuver.

It might help if you kept

your eyes open.

Better get you back

to your nursing dove.

Thanks, Bugsy.

You must really like it here,

because this is the third time

this week you've been to see me.

- I wish you'd be more careful.

- Don't you worry.

Where I come from, danger

is our business. Oh, yeah.

We spit danger in the eye.

If they can dish it out,

well, I can take it.

- And where do you come from?

- West Nestington.

That's near Nestington.

It's, um...

- It's to the west of it, actually.

- [giggling]

Oh, Valiant.

Well, I have to...

...return to my duties, so...

Goodbye.

- [Victoria] Valiant, wait.

- [screaming]

[groans]

As homing pigeons, it's our duty

to transport messages...

...in the worst of conditions:

wind, rain, sleet, snow.

Bombs exploding, bullets flying.

As if that weren't enough,

Mother Nature has the audacity

to create a little something called...

-...the falcon.

- [gasping]

Twenty pounds of pigeon-eating muscle,

measuring five of your wingspans.

They like to blindside their prey

at speeds in excess

of 200 miles per hour.

But not to bite, not yet.

The first strike is merely for impact.

They'll let you drop a bit,

making sure you're defenseless,

then scoop you up

in their razor-sharp talons.

[grunts]

And in the dark of the night,

you'll have but a split second

to recognize friend from foe.

- Friend or foe?

- Foe!

No, you idiots. It's a pigeon.

- Friend or foe?

- Foe. No, friend.

- Friend, or maybe...

- No! It's a foe.

- [Bugsy] Ah, yes, yes.

- Friend or foe?

- Friend, friend.

- Oh, yes, my friend.

[laughter]

Ninety-nine, one hundred.

- [groaning]

- One hundred and one.

-[grunting]

- One hundred and two.

[grunting]

[Sarge] To survive his mission,

a pigeon must have the strength

to carry his message capsule.

[Sarge] He must have the speed

to fly like the wind.

[screaming]

[whooping]

- Evasive action.

- [Sarge] He must have the agility...

- Circle.

-...to outmaneuver the enemy.

Figure eight.

[sighing]

[Sarge] And he must have

the endurance to battle the elements,

flying long distances

over raging seas.

Whoa!

- [humming]

- [clearing throat] Me again.

Valiant.

Oh! Oh, my favorite.

How did you know?

Mmm.

The parrot says,

"How about we do a loop the loop?"

I said, "l can't do a loop the loop."

[laughing]

He says, "Why ever not?

I say, "Why, I'm afraid of heights."

He says, "You?

- Afraid of heights? That's ridiculous."

- [growling]

- "Maybe to you, mate, but not to me."

- [snoring]

[Mercury laughing]

- That's it, that's it.

- Come on. Go on.

Afternoon, Monty.

- Hello, Guts. What news?

- Not good, I'm afraid.

- We just lost Squadron E over Belgium.

- [sighs]

That means these new recruits

are our only chance.

Whoa!

- They'll have to leave tomorrow.

- You can't be serious.

They haven't even finished

their training.

- Attack formation accomplished, sir.

- [cheering]

Yes! Whoa...

- [screaming]

- [thud]

- Ooh.

- [groaning]

Sorry, but those are the orders.

Have them ready at 1 800 tomorrow,

Monty, old boy.

Cheers.

Commander Gutsy's here, so...

So... I suppose

you'll be shipping out soon.

[nasal voice] I know, I know.

I can't wait.

This is the moment

I've been waiting for.

Well...

I'd like to be part

of what you come home to.

I don't care if you're a hero.

Just concentrate on the getting back.

[sighing]

Ow!

You need to understand

something, lads.

Our losses have been heavy.

Catastrophic.

You're all we've got.

And so, today,

we fight for our country.

Tomorrow our feathers may be plucked

from our lifeless bodies,

our innards spread like jam on toast

and our bones fed to rabid weasels.

But never mind that.

On this day, in this place,

Iet it forever be known

that you pigeons did your part

in the heroic battle for...

- S...

- Seeds!

- Freedom!

- Right.

You will be Commander Gutsy's

support wing.

- [gasping]

- I expect you to do whatever it takes

to ensure the success

of his mission.

Chaps, the message

we have been sent to carry

is of the utmost importance.

The outcome of the war

could well depend on it.

We pigeons have never been entrusted

with a more critical

or dangerous mission.

May you fly straight,

and may your instinct guide you home.

What did Gutsy mean

by "highly dangerous"?

I don't know, but I can tell you this.

[belches] I am a bird of principle.

[slurping]

And my number one principle is,

don't get involved with anything

called "highly dangerous."

[slurping]

And I will never violate

my core beliefs.

Do not ask me to violate

my core beliefs.

You're talking to the wrong pigeon.

[belches]

Sir, point of clarification, please.

Regarding the dangerous mission.

- I've got a doctor's note.

- Zip it, stinky.

Yeah, sure, I understand.

And I truly regret that I have

but one life to give for my country.

I'd love to die. Love to die.

- Can't. Not Sunday. Bad for me.

- Are you finished?

Not quite. Listen, maybe I'm not

that conscientious, but I do object.

Get back to the barracks!

Now!

Do I still have to go

on the dangerous mission?

- Now!

- Yep.

- I'll take that as a, "Yes, I do."

- Now!

[Valiant] Hey? Hey!

- Where are you going?

- Shh. Keep it down, mate.

- I got some serious flying ahead.

- Flying?

What do you mean?

Flying to where?

Back to old Trafalgar Square.

You're not leaving.

You'll break up the team.

Team? I'm not a team player.

Old Bug Buster plays solo.

Bigger question

is why are you staying?

- Why am I stay...

- Because it's my duty. It's our duty.

Oh, whoa, whoa.

Hold on. Sorry.

Have I missed something?

Did we start this? No.

Did we make those?

Or those?

I've seen them fall, mate,

and it's not a pretty sight.

The truth is...

...I'm scared, all right?

Don't tell them that,

'cause I'll deny it.

Well, I'm scared too.

Then come with me, yeah?

Trafalgar Square'll be ours.

Come on.

We didn't make

Trafalgar Square either.

Where do we go when

they start dropping bombs there?

No, no, I'm staying.

I'm doing my bit.

Yeah. They're lucky

to have you, mate.

Anyway, keep your wings dry, yeah?

- [banging]

- Ow! Ow!

- Ow! Ow!

- [Tailfeather] What's happening?

- Shh.

- [Toughwood] What's going on?

It's time for me to fly the coop,

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