Varsity Blues Page #2

Kilmer's gonna eat his ass.

- Jesus, Moxon, what are you doing ?

- It's a secret.

Your dummies can't run a simple draw,

and you got secret formations ?

- This ain't no f***ing sandlot.

- It's called an Oop-dee-oop.

Overload the defense on one side,

burn them one-on-one on the other.

You got a bad attitude

and you don't listen !

We do things around here my way !

You think you're in some fancy school ?

I wonder if you know the difference

between a sneeze and a wet fart !

- You'll be second-string all your life !

- Kilmer loves to bang on your boy.

- Been on him all season.

- Oop-dee-oop, give me a break !

I stood up to it, so will he.

We're holding our Troy back a year,

so he'll be bigger for frosh tryouts.

- Eighth grade ain't so bad, is it ?

- Our Kyle's dying to be a Coyote.

Had that ankle injury, but he's ready

to go now. Ain't that right, son ?

Kyle ?

Kyle !

He's very spiritual.

It's a shame nobody had the mind

to hold us back when we was kids.

Hell, I didn't fare so bad.

Lance ! Toss me one, son.

Let's show them your old pop's still

got it. Button hook right, on three !

- Slow enough he could've mailed it.

- Well, there you go, Sammy boy.

- Let's see it.

- Let's show them how it's done.

Dad, you're gonna fall in the barbecue.

Slant right, on three.

Don't talk back to your father.

Hit it !

- I guess bad hands run in the family.

- What's that supposed to mean ?

Don't get your panties in a bunch.

If Kilmer weren't such a prick,

my boy would be starting quarterback.

Is that a fact ?

And you think he's first-string ?

- That's right.

- I smell a challenge.

How about you, Johnny ?

You think you're better than my boy ?

Hell, it ain't multiple choice.

Let's settle this once and for all.

You all remember William Tell. Let's

show them what it takes to be a starter.

- Stop it, Dad. This isn't funny.

- Show them what you're made of.

Nail it, Lance !

- You're up, Sammy boy.

- Dad, come on, this is stupid.

Throw it.

- Sporting some 'tude now !

- Be a winner, throw the ball !

- You can do it !

- Sit on the bench !

- Show us what you do best !

- He's chicken !

- Throw that damn ball !

- You feel like chicken tonight ?

I raised you to be a winner, so win !

Fire that f***ing pigskin.

- Nice shot !

- Not ice, get him a beer.

Oh, my God.

Ladies and gentlemen...

We are adults.

I think it's necessary we move beyond

the common nomenclature

commonly associated

with sexual reproduction.

Now, I want everybody together

to go ahead and say :

Penis, penis, penis.

Vagina, vagina, vagina.

Come on, y'all, say it.

Penis, penis, penis.

Vagina, vagina, vagina.

Good !

I think it's also very important

that we discuss, and discard,

any slang terms

for different sex organs... Please.

Because today we are going to begin

our study of...

...the male erection.

Hand down, Billy Bob.

What are a few slang expressions

for the male erection

we want to identify and discard ?

- Elliot ?

- "Boner" ?

- Is boner one of them ?

- Yes, boner is good...

- Boner is... What, Billy Bob ?

- Can I go to the bathroom ?

Does anybody have any others

before we move on ?

Mr Moxon,

will you share with us ?

The male erection ?

Pitching a tent, sporting a wood.

Icicles formed. The march is on.

Stiffy. Mr Mortis.

Rigor mortis has set in. Flesh rocket.

Jack's magic beanstalk.

Tall Tommy. Mushroom on a stick.

Purple-headed yoghurt-slinger.

And... Pedro.

Pedro ?

- Billy Bob, are you okay ?

- Yes, ma'am.

Call the nurse.

Go on now.

- How are you feeling, son ?

- I can't hold down any chow.

Must be nerves. Don't you worry.

You'll play every minute of that game.

The nurse doesn't think I should play.

- Oh, she doesn't, does she ?

- 'Cause I whacked my head last week.

She don't have

no division title to win.

I'm gonna ask you, son...

Are you ready to go ?

- Yes, sir.

- That's my soldier. See you at practice.

Yes, sir.

Fourth down, 1:
49 to play.

Greenville leading 21-17.

If they hope to win the ball game,

they've got to stop Greenville here.

Hornets come to the line of scrimmage.

And Terry's stopped in his tracks !

Our ball ! We got the bastards !

It's ours to win now. Get out

and win this ball game. 4-95, go !

- Come on, Lance !

- Let's go !

Billy Bob, I need you

for one more series. Get in there.

Are you all right to play ?

If you're not, say something.

Moxon, get your ass on that bench !

Let's go, boys. It's ours to win.

Door's open, let's go !

Lord, don't do this to me.

Stub, I've hardly ever

heard this stadium this quiet.

Lance Harbor laying there...

Can you see his future

going down the drain ?

And what must this do

to the Coyotes'football plans ?

Please be okay, Lance !

I'm sorry, man.

- Now you've got Moxon coming in.

- You've taken more snaps than him.

Let's go.

We've got a game to win, let's go.

Watch me for the signals.

Stay focused. And don't worry...

...I'm behind you.

Let's go !

That Moxon ain't worth the Charmin

Extra-soft he wipes his butt with.

He's hurt bad, Mox.

It's all my fault.

I-right, 494, Z-post, on one.

I-right, 494, Z-post, on one.

Ready ? Break !

- Here we go, Moxon at quarterback.

- He scratches better than he throws.

- Jon Moxon with a 40-yard pass !

- Where'd this kid come from ?

That's my boy !

- Everybody on the ball !

- He's got to stop the clock !

The clock's still running !

I can't... F*** it.

I don't know what play they're calling.

How's your arm ?

Last chance for the Coyotes.

Moxon at quarterback.

This is not the formation !

Moxon hands off to Brown.

Throwback pass... complete !

Moxon has the football, heading for

the end zone. Touchdown !

Good grief ! Bud Kilmer pulls off

another one ! Unbelievable !

Holy sh*t...

- Mr Harbor, Lance is out of surgery.

- How long is he out ?

- Any chance for this season ?

- Lance tore every ligament he's got.

- He'll need several surgeries.

- How long ?

Minimum a year and a half, if ever.

Oh, no...

Lance's ride...

His scholarship to Florida State.

Jesus...

I'm amazed he lasted this long.

I removed scar tissue from his knee.

- He shouldn't even have been playing.

- He never said anything to me.

Moxon, get some shut-eye.

The Harbors appreciate your being

here, but there's nothing you can do.

- You go home, I'll stay with them.

- All right. I'll call you.

Well, I guess I should be going, too,

this being a family thing and all.

- Thanks again for the ride, Mox.

- No problem.

- What the hell are you doing ?

- Changing.

I'm wearing underwear. It covers up

the same as a bathing suit.

- Does it really bother you ?

- Whatever...

I can handle it.

This has been the worst night

of my life.

You really aren't looking.

You're sweet.

- Lance is gonna be all right.

- His career's probably over.

You guys are gonna be all right.

You love each other.

Things change, Mox.

I don't wanna think about it right now.

- I'm sorry.

- It's okay.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes