Vegas Vacation

4:
22 on a sunny Thursday afternoon...

here in Chicago on K-LITE.

Now here's one

for all you rush-hour rockers.

The Beach Boys, Good Vibrations.

Honey, I'm home!

Hi, honey.

Smells good.

- Can I have...

- Don't, don't!

Come in here and gather around!

- I must show you something!

- My new car?

Keep dreaming.

Here, eat these.

- They're chocolate chip.

- They're delicious.

They're four years old.

Anyone for milk?

Eight years old.

It's my long-life food preservative.

It's been approved!

I got my big bonus!

- Congratulations.

- Isn't it great?

And...

that's not all.

Mr. Turner thinks a guy like...

Clark Griswold deserves a few days off.

And Clark Griswold thinks

he should take those days off and...

take his family on a fabulous vacation to...

fantastic Las Vegas!

There's nothing to do there.

Clark, I don't think that Las Vegas

is the kind of place you take a family.

Oh, come on.

Las Vegas has changed, Ellen.

It's the number-one family

destination in America.

I'm not going.

The people there are so phony.

Is there legalized prostitution?

Not within the city limits.

But there is...

first-class entertainment,

beautiful scenery...

and all the shrimp cocktail you can eat.

Listen, everybody...

how many more chances will we get

to do something as a family?

Ellen and I are always working.

And you guys are growing up so fast

I hardly recognize you anymore.

Okay. There's one more reason

why you should all go.

I'm remarrying your mom...

if she'll have me.

Really, Sparky?

What do you say? My 20th anniversary.

I could use a best man.

Have a bridesmaid in mind?

- How about Audrey?

- Audrey who?

Dad!

What do you say? Let's do it!

I think this is going to be

the greatest vacation ever.

You know you look

really beautiful right now?

You know, honey...

the guys at work tell me there's

this club we can join if we...

meet in the bathroom.

Clark, are you serious?

You love me, don't you?

I do, but here?

Now?

We've been married 20 years.

How do we do it?

Go first, I'll be behind you.

Are you okay? You look red.

Just going to the restroom.

Excuse me.

Where're you going?

Your mother's got something in her eye.

I'm going to...

help her get it out.

Maybe we should...

join...

some other kind of club.

I just want time with you.

I just think there's...

- a better time...

- This will be our best one.

Foot, foot!

I got it. I got it.

I'll never fly again.

The pilot was helpful.

The whole plane applauded.

If you want to use these bathrooms,

we'll wait.

Is this ours?

- A limo?

- We're the Griswolds.

Sorry, my pen burst in the altitude.

- I'm sorry.

- No problem.

Come this way, please.

This is it. This is it.

Look at this.

Wayne Newton.

It's beautiful!

You must see this.

Daddy!

Help!

I'm stuck!

Vegas, Vegas, Vegas.

Look! I think you'll want to see this!

Is this it?

Welcome to the fabulous Mirage.

Don't worry,

it won't leave a permanent line.

Come on, there's a lot to do.

There's a lot to do.

Welcome. Your credit card.

Yes, indeed.

Griswold, four.

We have an excellent dry-cleaning service,

if you're so inclined.

It's a birthmark.

To get to your room,

go through the casino, veer to the left.

Take a right at the first palm tree.

You'll see a group of blackjack tables.

Not baccarat, not craps. Blackjack.

Turn right and wind around left.

If you get to the pool, you've gone too far.

You'll see elevators.

They aren't yours, stay away from them.

Keep walking, you'll see

more elevators, the gold ones.

Those are yours. Go to the 10th floor.

You'll find your room.

Any questions?

No, not really.

Russ!

Did you get that?

Well, let's go then. Thanks.

Good luck!

What's this?

Look at these people. Blinded

by glitter and the almighty dollar.

The elevators are there.

Hold on, honey.

They always put the machines

that pay the most in front.

$5?

Here we go!

You see, Las Vegas is already

bringing us closer together.

Let's go to the room.

Honey, call up the kids.

See how they like this.

Rusty and Audrey Griswold, please.

We're right next door.

Can't we get our own rooms?

Please don't spoil your daddy's fun.

Dad, we're too old for this.

Sit down.

Kids...

remember when you were babies?

It was a wonderful time.

We had your cribs right in our room.

We'd wrap you up in little blankets...

and roll you back and forth

across the bed into each other.

Those days...

they're almost over.

So...

To close out that wonderful chapter,

I got tickets to Siegfried and Roy.

Best show on the planet?

Masters of the impossible?

We're going because we're the Griswolds!

Can't you just wrap me up in a blanket

and roll me across the bed?

No, Russ. Get dressed.

Want to try some blackjack?

What do you know about blackjack, Clark?

You forget I was in the Army.

You weren't in the Army.

Not in the Army, but I have

played cards with men in uniform.

Just don't want you to lose

all your money.

When a man can come to Las Vegas

with a few extra bucks in his pocket...

throw a ten-spot down on a table...

pay an extra dollar

for a steak with his eggs...

that's a happy day for that man.

When his woman is at his side...

Is that Wayne Newton?

Why, you want his autograph?

I think he's staring at me.

No, no, no. I must be tired.

Maybe I'll go find the kids.

I think they want a little time

away from Mama and Papa Bear.

Let's let them get in trouble.

- I'm asking for $5!

- What'll you do if you win?

You're boring to travel with.

Fine, you want $5?

Here, you're a big man. Here's $5.

Get a wallet.

- Hi.

- Good evening.

Would the two of you have any ID?

We left our IDs upstairs, actually.

We're on our honeymoon.

Wait here for two minutes.

I'll go upstairs and get the ID.

I'll be right back.

My friend...

$200 in chips.

Good evening. Changing $200!

In blackjack, a smart player has

a mathematical advantage over the house.

Are you a professional?

Me? No, not really.

Are you?

Place your bet, sir.

Yes, the bet.

What the hell.

- Hit me.

- It's a bust!

Las Vegas Fun Police.

Hand over your chips.

- Eddie?

- Twenty-two.

Player busts.

Oh, man, it is a blazer out there.

You're lucky you got air conditioning

in here like mother nature intended.

Clark Griswold, did you think

you could come to Las Vegas...

and not see your favorite cousin?

Your bet.

There.

Why're you in Las Vegas?

Where else can you wear shorts

I am on fire!

What?

Shuffling!

Here's the best part.

Thanks to that defective plate

in my head...

the V.A. Gave me a huge plot of land

just north of town.

Every time I belch,

the plate shifts and my legs give out.

But what a view!

Nineteen.

Twenty!

Oh, he's good!

He's good!

- Another $100 in chips, please.

- Changing $100!

That's it, Clark.

Show them who's boss.

It's people who blow the family

nest egg here that built this town.

Not this pretty boy.

Oh, gee!

I can't believe it.

I've lost $300 in 15 minutes?

I'm okay. I'm okay.

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