Vice Versa Page #2

- See you.

- See you later, Charlie.

This is the hotel we're staying in

if there's any kind of problem.

He eats Nerds for breakfast,

not croissants.

Help him with homework.

He has exams.

You have to see his homeroom teacher

Tuesday afternoon.

Tuesday afternoon? Oh, my God!

I've got to meet with our ad agency.

Cancel it. It won't kill you

to be a parent for a week.

Christ.

Charlie? No, Charlie. Please.

Charlie, no way.

I got a clause in my lease.

Okay, old buddy,

you unload your arsenal...

- Hey, you got a tree!

- Yeah.

Sure. Of course I got you a tree.

Well, Sam got it for you.

Look at the pine needles.

Goddamn it! I told her.

I told her there'd be pine needles

all over the rug.

I'm gonna check my messages.

Hi, Mo.

Did you have a nice ride?

Were you okay in there?

Look, this is my dad's den.

I'm gonna sleep on the bed.

And you're gonna sleep in here.

We won't tell my dad you're staying.

There's probably a clause in his lease.

Why can't you take me to school?

George Ferriera takes his kid to school

on his way to work.

- I go in the opposite direction.

- You don't know Dale.

- He's a real a**hole.

- Charlie!

Language, in front of Sam.

Pasquale.

- Is he a real a**hole?

- Major.

A little Grey Poupon.

Thank you.

I can't take you to school, but I'll

do anything else you want. Deal?

Can we see Malice at the Riviera?

Is that an Agatha Christie movie?

It's a heavy-duty rock band.

I'll get us both a ticket.

- No way. You have tests.

- Music is my life, Dad!

- You had a deal.

- Oh, come on. He has tests this week.

You can't expect me to take him to one

of those drugged-out rock shows.

- Where'd he go?

- He's upset.

- What's he got to be upset about?

- Just lighten up, okay?

Charlie.

What are you doing?

- Mo has escaped.

- Who's Mo?

My frog.

Damn it.

- Pasquale, we have a problem.

- The linguine is not al dente?

My frog! My frog!

- It's a rat!

- It's not a rat! It's my frog!

- It's not the linguine.

- Mo, where are you?

Jesus Christ.

What is this, a rummage sale?

Charlie.

I can't believe you're

this messy at your mom's.

You stay with me a few days,

all hell breaks loose. Look at this.

Charlie!

In the future, eat in the kitchen!

There's granola all over the rug.

Make sure you take that damn frog

back to school.

If I do, they'll dissect him.

That's what a frog is for.

This isn't a wildlife refuge.

People are always trying to save

whales and baby seals and stuff.

- What's wrong with saving a frog?

- He's not staying here.

If we're not wanted here,

we can go stay with Eric.

Oh, really? I guess at Eric's house

there's a frog in every room.

Look, I just can't believe what you did

last night, that's all.

I can't ever go back to that restaurant

after your friend went table-hopping.

- Stop dumping on me, Dad!

- I'm not dumping on you.

I've been up since 6,

and I have a very tough day ahead.

I have a tough day ahead too.

You're going to school,

for God's sake.

School is games, fun and goofing off.

It's the best time of your life.

You mean it gets worse?

Wait till you have to work.

You'll find out how much worse.

- I told you to leave that alone.

- You don't take tests at work.

I bet people don't push you around,

calling you "shrimp" and "microbe."

You know, I wish I could

change places with you.

Yeah? Well, I wish I could too.

Dad!

Charlie! Charlie!

Dad?

Daddy!

Charlie!

Daddy!

You look just like me.

I think I am you...

...Dad.

And you're me.

Holy sh*t!

Dad?

Dad?

- What's happening, Dad?

- Son of a b*tch!

I'm scared.

Don't cry, Charlie. It's a dream.

We're having a dream.

The same dream?

We woke up a half an hour ago!

If we're dreaming,

you won't feel this.

There must be a perfectly

logical explanation for this.

Maybe this happened

all over America.

Invasion of the Body Switchers.

Your mother lets you watch

too much television.

It's some kind of hallucination.

I shouldn't have taken all that Valium.

Hey, this is neat.

It can happen.

People do have nervous breakdowns.

Yeah.

Right.

That was Dale's father.

He's picking you up in 20 minutes.

Oh, my God, this is for real.

It was this.

You were holding it. You said...

I know what I said.

I said I wish we could change places.

Somebody must have thought it was

a pretty good idea, because we have.

So you better get dressed, because

you're going to school in 20 minutes.

Don't be crazy. I can't go to school.

It'd look pretty weird if I go to school.

I must weigh 200 pounds.

A hundred and seventy-six.

Give me that! Give it back!

Give that to me! Give that back!

- Nope!

- Give it back!

You can ride with Dale.

You can look at Mrs. Luttrell.

And you can take my tests.

I'll get straight A's. Awesome!

We are not leaving this apartment.

Try and remember,

I am still your father.

Try and remember,

I'm bigger than you now.

Oh, my God! My report! I was

supposed to get it to Avery today.

Call Marcie. Tell her I'm sick.

You're sick.

- Hey, that's my wallet.

- You'll need some lunch money.

- Look at all this plastic!

- Don't even think it.

It's been a long while

since you went to school, Dad.

- What do you mean?

- It's not like Happy Days anymore.

All I'm saying is...

...be careful out there.

- Hi, how you doing?

- I've known better days, George.

- Excuse me?

- I mean, Mr. Ferriera.

Raccoon turd.

I'm sorry, I didn't catch that.

Son of a b*tch.

Hey, Charlie.

Was Maggot Mouth

giving you a bad time?

He's a depressing indictment

of our educational system.

Oh, you mean he's like a moron?

- So how's it with your dad?

- Why do you ask?

You said you didn't think staying

there would be much fun.

My father is a wonderful person.

People don't realize that he's

under enormous pressure.

Hey, if you guys are interfacing,

that's cool.

- Who are you, anyway?

- You're getting weird, Charlie.

Well, I gotta go.

- Excuse me.

- Yes?

I have a problem. Could you tell me

where I'm supposed to go?

You suppose your amnesia is induced

by piping heavy-metal music...

...into your brain cells?

I asked a perfectly

straightforward question.

I'd appreciate

a straightforward answer.

Keep the change.

- Good morning, Mr. Seymour.

- Morning.

- Good morning, Mr. Seymour.

- Hi.

- Good morning, Mr. Seymour.

- Good morning.

Morning, Mr. Seymour.

Careful! Get back! Get back!

- Yo, Marshall.

- Yo, Marshall.

- Yo, Marshall.

- Hi. I mean, yo.

Boy, did Braverman luck out.

That's his newest temp.

You ever seen such an available

mouth? I bet it's nice in there.

Be a good place to set up camp.

- Tom Sawyer's swimming hole, eh?

- Yeah.

Is my office down here?

It's where it always was,

unless you know something we don't.

Thanks.

- Sneakers.

- I know. He's losing it.

Elliot Webb was like that

right before his breakdown.

Week after that, he was in a window

wearing the new Balenciaga ball gown.

Morning, Marshall.

- Marcie?

- Yes?

Good morning, Marcie.

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