Vice Versa Page #3

I trust you had a pleasant weekend.

Are you all right?

Don't I look all right?

In four years, you've never asked me

about my weekend.

Sorry.

I kept your appointments light

so you could finish your report.

It's finished!

I got it right here!

Good.

If you want me,

I'll be in my office. Okay?

Great.

Good. I need some envelopes...

...and some pencils.

Some pens.

Look, Mo.

Downtown.

It's a big city.

A Jacuzzi for you.

Cool out, pal.

It must have been hot in there, huh?

I was just exercising.

Chair aerobics?

- Yes?

- I need to make a phone call.

You're in the middle of a test.

I finished.

Sit down!

Well, do you have a newspaper?

- Sam!

- I can't have lunch today.

There's too much to catch up on.

Great to see you.

Which is a shame,

because we need to talk.

Is there a problem?

Basically, I just don't know

whether working together...

...and having a relationship

is feasible.

I don't know what "feasible" means.

Nor do I anymore.

That's just the point.

I'll do anything you want, Sam.

Marshall, it's not what I want.

It's what we want as a unit...

...if we are still a unit.

When we get together tomorrow night,

I think we have to be open...

...and candid and re-evaluate

this whole situation.

Okay?

Okay.

Bye.

This is Marshall. Can't come

to the phone. Leave a message.

Oh, my God! He's out!

Hey, kid, I gotta use the phone.

And I need to speak to my secretary.

Do you mind?

Mr. Seymour's office.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

Marcie, thank God!

Who is this?

It's me, Charlie.

Hi, Charlie. Your daddy's told

me so much about you.

- Never mind that. Did my dad show up?

- Sure.

I don't believe it.

How could he do this to me?

Let me speak to him.

He just stepped out to lunch.

If he behaves a little silly today,

it's probably the jet lag.

So don't make any appointments,

and keep Avery off his back.

That was Marshall's kid. The little prick

sounds just like his father.

I don't suppose you have

any Grey Poupon?

What?

Hey, watch it, Dale.

We're sorry about that.

I didn't mean to.

Hey, the a**holes

are taking over the world, man.

Consolation. The Dool has delivered.

What's in there, drugs?

Your concert tickets.

I want cash tomorrow.

Checks will only be accepted when

accompanied by two major credit cards.

- Mrs. Brookmeyer to see you.

- Who?

You made the appointment

yourself on Friday.

Did I?

Come on.

Mr. Seymour, good of you

to find the time.

How you doing?

I wrote a savage letter to the airline

president. I urge you to do the same.

Sure.

I imagine your store will put

a handsome markup on that.

I guess.

So...

...do you have my little objet d'art?

I'm sorry. I don't know

what you're talking about.

Mr. Seymour, when we spoke

on the phone Friday...

...you knew exactly

what I was talking about.

Well, a lot's happened since Friday.

Oh, really?

Really.

I see. Maybe since Friday

you realized what you got.

Maybe you had it valued

and think you can make a few bucks.

- Is that what you're trying to pull?

- You have to talk to my dad.

I didn't fly in from New York

to be jerked around.

And you and your dad

better think about this.

Because let me

tell you something, buster...

...you're dealing with a major

ball-breaker here.

Wow! A ball-breaker.

- I need to make a call.

- There's a pay phone in the cafeteria.

There's a line a mile long,

and this is an emergency.

Yeah, my name is Seymour.

My account number is 4126.

I need a limo at Hemingway

Junior High, ASAP.

Right.

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

- Where are you going, Marshall?

- Nowhere.

- What's with you today?

- Nothing.

You've been acting weird all day.

Go home. Take a pill.

Okay.

Look, we're not going to a funeral.

Peel rubber, pal.

Good afternoon, Mr. Seymour.

Hi.

Coleman, sir.

- That thing is intense.

- State of the art, sir.

- How much does it cost?

- A little under $ 7000.

That's more than a Datsun.

- Pretty hot lick.

- I know.

I play the drums.

Go for it.

Nice fill, Mr. Seymour.

Wait.

- He famous?

- He will be. I'm gonna kill him!

- I know why Marshall's acting so weird.

- It's obvious.

Marshall's out on a limb

over this South China Seas deal.

- No, he's just sucking up to Avery.

- Lf this thing takes a nosedive...

...he'll be lucky to run

the hardware department.

Yeah, in the South China Seas.

Oh, that's right.

- Have you been on the fourth floor?

- No, sir.

Apparently, Marshall is in the music

department playing the drums.

- Don't stop now, we're really wailing!

- It's Mr. Avery, Mr. Seymour.

What's going on?! This is

Vigar & Avery, not a nightclub.

Chill out. I was...

He's a customer.

You're a vice president

of this company, not a salesman.

- Salesperson, Mr. Avery.

- Person.

All those years of hard work

and my career is down the crapper.

- Did you pick out a Christmas present?

- Sylvia!

Stratford! Charles was just saying

at dinner last night...

...we don't see enough of Stratford.

- Was he?

I was at the club Thursday,

but you were in Bermuda.

We're in town for at least a month.

Call us.

- Wrap what he wants and deliver it.

- This will do fine.

Nice jamming with you.

Well done, Marshall. I never

would have recognized the boy.

And you know how much money

his mother spends here.

Business is war, gentlemen.

Gentlepersons.

Without sales, we might as well raise

the white flag and surrender...

...to the forces of Neiman Marcus.

Marshall didn't forget that.

Learn.

Hi, Dad.

What did you do to my nose?

What?

What?

I wish we could change back again.

- Nothing.

- Dad, this is heavy.

- What if we're stuck like this?

- Oh, my God.

I'll have to go through puberty again.

What's gonna happen to you?

You're 6' 2" with the brain

of an 11-year-old.

Maybe the ball-buster

had something to do with it?

- What?

- This lady brought your jar back.

- She said you had something of hers.

- The lady who called me Friday.

- Of course. It belongs to her.

- She was really mad.

- She wanted to bust your balls.

- There's not much to bust, kid.

You'll have to go back to work

tomorrow. She's our only link.

- Yeah?

- Charlie, is that you?

- Oh, my God, it's your mother.

- Well, talk to her. You're me.

Hello? Charlie, you there?

Yo, Mom. How's it going?

Not too good. Cliff forgot

to fasten the mosquito net last night.

- How are things with you and your dad?

- Different.

Anyway, this is an expensive call.

You still my Charlie Bear?

- Oh, come on, tell Mommy.

- I'm still your Charlie Bear. Good night.

I hate it when she pulls

that Charlie Bear stuff.

She gets back this weekend.

If we don't resolve this...

...I'll have to live with her again.

This is the woman I couldn't live with

as a husband.

And now I'm gonna be her son.

It's a Freudian nightmare.

- Good morning, Mr. Seymour.

- Yo.

- Good morning, Marshall.

- Yo. Yo.

- Yo, Marshall.

- Hi, Sam.

The Jingle Bell Moose, Marshall.

We've been getting complaints.

- What's the problem?

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