Victor Crowley Page #3

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- Absolutely not!

- It's real crime stories,

Andrew.

It's primetime

network television.

It's just one more interview.

- I don't care what

show it's for, okay.

I've told you

a thousand times,

I'm never going back

to that swamp.

- It's two hours,

three hours tops.

I mean, maybe five hours,

whatever,

but they take us

and a small camera crew

and a host and they fly us

in the private network jet--

fancy, huh?

And then they have you

looking down on the area,

all you know,

sad and reflective,

and whatever the f***,

and then we land

and they get the exclusive

and then we get paid.

Well, you,

you get paid a f*** ton.

- I'm not doing an interview

at the site of the murders.

- Yes, we are

and we need to hurry up

because we need

to stop at my place

so I can change my outfit again

because I can't meet the

real crime producers in this.

- Stop, Kathleen, okay?

No.

- It's okay.

I have another outfit

in my trunk.

It's perfect.

- Over my dead body

am I going back.

For any amount of money.

- They offered

six-hundred thousand.

But I got them

up to a million.

- I feel sick.

- I didn't realize you

were so scared of flying.

- I'm not scared of flying,

I'm scared of what's in

that swamp.

- You mean the swamp that's

as busy as bourbon street

with all the tours

they do now?

There's nothing left in there

but a bunch of morbid sickos

wanting to see the scene

of a mass murder.

Ugh, people today

are just broken.

Would you like a Xanax,

Ambien, valium,

Vicodin, dilaudid,

Percocet, oxy?

I've got heavier stuff

if you want it.

- I'm good, thanks.

- Okay.

I get migraines

when I do stuff.

Oh, excuse me,

Mr. pilot.

- Yes, ma'am.

- I didn't see the Indiana

Jones plane landing things.

How do we land in the water?

- This aircraft

doesn't do water landings.

- No. We're actually landing

on a private runway

in slidell about two miles

outside of honey island.

- So we do have

to get on a boat?

- We don't.

- I feel so sick.

- Stop it.

I was fixing my shoe.

- Give me that back.

Give me that back.

Sit down.

Relax.

Not in front of the crew.

Could you be professional?

- Child, please.

You aint foolin' no one,

everyone knows

you two are bangin'.

- So who's interviewing me?

- Oh, you know,

probably like ed Bradley

or someone respected.

- Ed Bradley died.

- Ah, would you look at that.

- Ahh, good afternoon.

This is, ahh,

co-pilot Craig borden.

Ahh, flying time

to slidell today,

a, ahh,

quick thirty five minutes.

Ahh, apologies for the delay.

We had, ahh, minor issue

with our right engine,

but we are... all clear

and... ready to go.

Smooth skies today,

though,ahh,

might have some minor turbulence

over, ahhh, Jean lafitte.

Ahh, word from the tower

is that we are...

Second in line for takeoff.

Ahhhhh...

- L just wanna point out

that it's kinda f***ed up

that you could

afford to pay a guy

for a private overnight tour

while I share the same room

in motel hell with you two.

- She didn't have

to pay this guy.

- Oh.

- Stop it.

Turns out one of the

tour guides here

just so happens to be

an aspiring actor,

so I promised him

a part in the movie

and that he'd get

his sag card

if he'd do this

for us for free.

- Already promising actors

things you can't deliver on?

You might make it in

Hollywood after all, Chloe.

- Do you guys see this?

This is disgusting.

Victor crowley dolls.

- There are collectors

that will pay a fortune

for one of gacy's clown

paintings or whatever,

a Victor crowley doll

is nothing.

- Yeah but what kind

of a sick freak

buys something like that

for a child? That's...

- For my niece.

Well alright, pilgrims.

Let's get a movin',

we're losin' daylight.

You lookin' at me?

- It's "talking".

Are you looking at me?

- I think it's "talking to".

Wait 'til they get a load of me.

Hey.

Alright, guess this one.

It's me, Christopher walken.

Christopher walken.

I'm still work shopping

that one.

What's up? I'm Dillon.

Actor.

Tour guide.

But mostly actor.

- A blow job would have

been way less painful.

- Hey, Dillon.

I'm Chloe the director.

- Oh, yeah,

we spoke on the phone.

- Yeah, uh--

- did you check out my...

- Sure.

- Okay.

- This is Alex, my boyfriend,

uh, who's helping out

and playing the role of Benjamin Schafer.

- Great.

- And this is rose,

she's doing makeup effects

and everything else.

- Rose, by any other name.

- I have a dick.

- So where'd you study?

- I went to undergrad

at Salem state.

- No, where'd you study acting?

- Ah, I never studied that.

- Alright,

well don't sweat it, okay.

I'll show you the ropes.

I'm the king of improv

in Jean lafitte parish.

- Awesome.

- Headshots.

I brought em'.

Standard headshot.

Construction worker.

- Sure.

- Army guy.

And then I printed out a regular

headshot but black and white.

I didn't know if this

was a period piece

or anything like that so...

- You know this is just like

a fake trailer though, right?

- Did I tell you that every

character in my script

is named after

an actual victim?

- I got it but I didn't get,

you know, a script...

- Boo!

If we have to get on

a boat anyway,

explain to me again,

why we gotta fly in?

- We're flying in because

we're getting footage of you

looking down at the spot

at magic hour,

you know,

right as the sun sets.

- I wasn't asking you.

- In fact,

we should get you mic'd.

Austin!

Can you please get

a microphone on Mr. yong?

- Copy that.

- Casey.

- Yeah.

- What do you need

to be ready to shoot?

- Just sound, last looks

and I'm ready to roll.

- Oh, did I hear,

"last looks"?

- Hold tight just one second

until audids finished, Jay.

Not much room

to move in here.

- Copy that.

- So no lights for this,

Casey?

- Are you kidding?

No, no, no lights at all.

Unless I can plug

them into your a**hole.

- I heard that.

Hey, pledge, how about

a hot brick standing by?

- Yeah, ten-one.

- It's "copy", Zach.

Ten-one means

you're taking a piss.

- Oh, yeah, sorry.

Copy.

- Oh, Mr. Zach.

Do you happen to know

what a ten-two is?

- Ah, is it, poop?

- Ding, ding, ding, ding,

what do you know,

the pledge knows his sh*t.

You sir, may have

a nice long future

in production after all.

- I thought there

would be tours going.

- Yeah, most tours only run

until midnight on weekends

but after about four years,

business slowed down.

Now there's just not

enough customers

to make weeknight

tours worth it.

- Babe, are you hearing this?

The reviews are in,

Victor crowley's

not relevant anymore.

- Whoa!

Not true, man.

They're shooting like,

five Victor crowley movies

as we speak.

Two are like

straight up slashers,

one's some jump scare

ghost movie thing,

and I think the

other two are remakes.

- Remakes?

- Whatever.

F*** those other movies,

they're all gonna suck.

- How do you know?

- Because they didn't cast me.

- Hey, how you doin', buddy?

I'm Austin.

- Andrew.

- All right.

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