Volta Page #2

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Non-practicing.

Where's your carrot

for the Nationalists?

Okay...

Let's arise from the slumbers

to rule from our Polish chambers!

No.

The old one will do, trust me.

We'll see in a month's time.

- Please! Don't say "in a month's time".

- Why not?

You can't have a month's width

or height. It must be time.

Like I said.

You'll make

a perfect Joe Nice Guy.

The lack of education will help.

Just like the wife.

- My wife?

- Mine.

Excuse me.

This is Viki.

It's a private reception, invite-only.

And so I invited my friend.

You wanted the diary?

Provided it's to be published, Bruno.

Oh! We're on first-name terms!

I must see what it's worth.

Okay, I'll give it back tomorrow.

And buy the flat the next day.

Non sequitur.

Come along then.

Make yourself at home.

Homey? No. Glitzy!

So nice to see you again.

Hello.

Excuse me.

A selfie, if you don't mind...

Speaker of the House,

Ms. Zwaniecki!

Senator Pyzda!

Chairman Ermine!

Representative Rabble!

And our number one...

Casimir Lower!

Hip hip hurray!

Lower on top!

Don't praise your chickens!

You're all invited for

a traditional Polish dinner.

Let's have a word, Cas.

Don't COUNT your chickens...

You're right.

'Cause it's chicken soup.

May 1 5, 1937. Sierra Morena.

We're at the sanctuary

of Santa Maria de la Cabeza.

Pronounced /kabesa/.

We're at the sanctuary

of Santa Maria de la Cabeza.

Santa Maria de la Cabeza

May 15, 1937

Initially I thought we were here

to fight the fascists

and Moroccan dog soldiers,

who burned, looted and raped.

Unfortunately rape occurs

also on our side.

Comrade Commander!

Help!

- What the f*** are you up to?

- We're preparing a feast.

Help yourself, Comrade Commander.

We've picked the cutest.

- Leave these women alone.

- They're not women. They're nuns.

We're here to defend

the Republic, not to rape.

Why not enjoy both?

They're Franco's whores.

Let them go, right now.

It's an order.

Or else?

I'll shoot you down.

Who's next?

You killed him?

Your comrade?

He wasn't my comrade.

Bury him and we're off.

Damn! To shoot your own men?

They were communists. Listen.

I couldn't believe my eyes: the missing

crown of Casimir the Great!

In college we theorized about

its possible re-emergence,

but nobody ever suggested Spain.

Sir, we are very thankful.

You're welcome.

How could we reward you?

I'd like this crown.

- This crown?

- Please.

Yes, of course.

I'll get it!

Let's go!

How come the crown ended up

in that Spanish backcountry?

There must be an explanation.

From Cracow via Spain to Lublin?

Sounds like some third-rate

travel agency's slogan.

Listen,

in Lower's party there's

a historian and academic.

Find her.

Think about it. Nobody will buy it

and my offer expires on arrival.

No deal, Dime.

Jeremi.

Nobody will buy it, Jeremi,

'cause I'm not selling it.

Rather because it'll be too late.

And doing business with me

is sheer pleasure.

Okay.

Don't mess with me, b*tch!

Looking for trouble?

If you insist...

What's Viki going to do

with the crown?

Return it to the owner.

Casimir the Great?

The state.

The people.

Or the family.

We could stage a televised event,

tied in with the elections and

the 700th anniversary of Lublin,

to make everybody happy.

She needs no ballyhoo.

- Because she escaped from jail.

- Here you go again.

We don't need her to be there.

Let her just give

or sell us the crown.

I can talk to her,

but no guarantee.

Am I to raid her

with antiterrorists?

Gee...

Convince her to deposit it...

sell it I mean, without hassle.

You put the crown before the flat?

The crown fits my strategy for

Lower, it'll make him win.

A socio-technical trick.

You'll see, the populice will love it.

How is to know it all?

To get one's drift

like it's your own?

Awfully cool.

Other people are fools, right?

I'll tell you something, kitty.

And read my lips,

because I won't repeat it.

Only 5% of all people are smart.

They set the tone.

The rest just follow.

Statistically I usually deal with

someone of the 95% dimwits,

so I don't give a sh*t.

And my self-assurance gives me

an initial advantage of several moves.

So you kind of run the globe?

Mr. Know-It-All! A genius.

A genius isn't one who knows it all,

but one who knows sooner.

The historian called back at last.

Her name's Elzbieta Dabrowski.

Kitty, I'm off!

What about lunch?

Well, you see...

Lower, the campaign...

What can I do?

Save it for dinner.

Love you!

Lower Casimir

Speak of the devil.

Good to see you, Bruno.

I had a dream

that I need to tell you.

Really? Go ahead.

In my dream I was a king.

Which means you'll be president.

And king later on.

Being just president sucks.

We need to choose a name for me.

You really mean it? Funny enough,

your name would mimeo the town's.

So?

Okay then, let's add "on-Vistula".

Lower Casimir

Oh sh*t!

The town has to be renamed.

- What's your middle name?

- Maria.

Maria was a queen.

Then perhaps King Casimir

Augustus Lower.

Yeah, sure. King Casimir Augustus

the Fifth Lower Molar.

Why fifth?

There've been four Casimirs so far.

Fifth's just great.

Because?

We have the Fifth Republic.

Right. A V-sign can stand

for both the Fifth and Victory.

Presidential victory.

Or for Volkswagen.

- That's neither here nor there.

- Sure. We don't want German words.

Okay, whatever.

Just remember:
you're an ace.

I do remember.

I'd let them all have it.

You sure will. Relax.

When I'm in the mood.

So long.

What's this king thing?

He's off on a power trip.

I let him ride, it's his soft spot.

Who is it?

Bruno Volta.

Come on in.

It traveled far.

Who would have thought?

In brief, is this credible?

And logistically possible?

Casimir the Great did visit Lublin

a couple of times.

He even got sick once.

But there's no mention of the crown.

I have a theory about how it started,

but the rest is guesswork.

We'll appreciate some details.

Let's start at the beginning.

When Casimir the Great died,

who was elected king?

- You asking me?

- Every Pole knows it. Who?

Louis...

Louis the Hungarian?

Very good!

What dynasty?

Angevin.

Let's get it straight:

we're not here for a history test.

We want your opinion on the fact.

What fact?

Whether it's likely that Casimir's

crown was found in Spain.

His regalia disappeared

right after his death in 1370.

His successor's coronation

took place twelve days later.

Then Louis returned to Hungary

with the regalia.

Regalia?

The crown, scepter, orb,

spurs and the ring.

And then

Janko of Czarnkow,

Deputy Chancellor of the Treasury,

who represented the opposition

detesting the Angevins,

resolved to place a Piast

on the throne. A Pole!

Just like our party.

The opposition backed Wladyslaw

the White of Great Poland.

But they needed what?

The crown?

Very good.

Without the insignia the coronation

and coup d'etat were doomed.

And they basked in the Balaton sun.

By the Danube.

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