Volta Page #3

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In Visegrad.

So what did Janko do?

Why not call him simply Jan?

Our forefathers used that form.

You mind?

Sounds gay.

Medieval Poland was the only country

in Europe free of pederasty.

Janko came up with a brilliant idea:

the funeral insignia.

- Placed in the tomb?

- The funeral insignia

were a replica

of the coronation insignia

or the other way round.

Cracow, the Royal Crypt,

November 20, 1370

Both sets were made

at the same time, looked identical

and could be used interchangeably.

But they were buried with the king.

Exactly.

What a stench!

The ring and the spurs!

Sorry.

The lid.

Anybody there?

Open up!

The night guard! Open up

in the name of the king!

You know what to do?

Open the door!

Disobedience will be punished.

Open in the name of the king!

To sum it up, the plot failed...

May I ask you to stop smoking?

Quit, you mean?

In this room.

Or I won't go on.

The stolen insignia were never found.

Probably the monk who took them

fled Poland and died

with his secret undisclosed.

- The crown's secure?

- Yes.

I need some time

to lead them astray.

- You want to get caught?

- I'll surrender to the guards.

You take cover, come back

later to get the crown

and give it over to our men

in Great Poland.

Consider it done.

Run. They're after me.

I'm dying...

Thus nobody ever knew

where the regalia were hidden.

Excuse me.

- Kitty?

- I have tickets for "Machia".

What's that?

A play about Machiavelli.

Comedy?

No. But they say it's cool. 9 PM.

I won't make it.

Take your jailbird instead.

Her name's Viki.

That's right, Viki.

Okay, if you won't...

Stop it!

Dime! You f***ing thief!

You're not at the theater?

What are you doing?!

Hey!

DIGNITY AND PRIDE

Justyna!

Are you Justyna?

- Where's Cas?

- Meditating.

I thought about what you said.

I even checked the legal basis.

I'm meditating on the Passion.

What the f*** is your problem?

There's something poignant

about the crucifix.

Well, yes.

But if the Romans

hadn't crucified people,

if He had died on the stake,

not on the cross,

what symbol would we have?

The urn?

True.

Not much of a logo.

Anyways... I've checked

with the legal office.

Under the new constitution

it's possible to restore the monarchy

through a referendum.

Fantastic!

Or it can be decided by the National

Assembly with a 2/3 majority vote.

Or...

Read my lips...

By presidential decree.

The last one seems the fastest.

- But there's one condition.

- Well?

You must become president.

Yeah, sure.

But I'd opt for a transitory period:

the last president

would become regent.

Here's what I suggest.

That recovered crown...

can't leave this country.

We'll return it to the people.

You'll see to it.

As a patriot.

You'll give it back - as the last

descendant of the Piasts.

Piasts? Why not the Jagiellonians?

We'll trace you back to both.

Get the f*** up.

This chapel was founded by

Casimir the Great in the 1300s.

Look, medieval graffiti.

Wladyslaw Jagiello is... an a**hole?

How so?

Your royal biography will make

Jagiello's a joke, I promise.

Will they buy it?

Repeat a lie a thousand times

and it becomes the truth.

But remember:
presidency first.

Good morning.

- Hi.

- Hi, Viki.

- How are you today?

- Hello.

- Anybody in the swimming pool?

- Nobody.

Awesome!

That's outrageous.

To hit a woman!

I'll fix the son of a b*tch.

- You must get the crown back!

- Go ahead, persuade them.

Let them pay at least.

I want the crown, not money.

And a plastic surgeon.

- You were to ask around.

- I know one.

I said a friend needed a make-over.

He said okay. Even though he's

booked up until next year.

Just a slight correction.

- Did you really escape from prison?

- From jail.

I was naive, got involved

in art theft.

By returning the crown

I'll clean up my record.

You sly b*tch!

At last we can talk freely.

They're both sick,

Bruno and Dime.

One's sickly jealous,

the other sickly in love.

I keep wondering how come

you're with someone like Bruno.

He was so...

So old?

Amusing.

I met him two years ago in Verona.

I was offered a chef job there.

He begged me to return

and start my own business.

Said a chef could be fired,

an owner couldn't.

I fell in love.

He promised to help,

but never did.

I couldn't depend on anybody,

least of all on a guy.

Someday you'll open a restaurant

and I'll decorate it for you.

It's no sh*t, she really wants

to turn it over to the state.

To simply give it back?

She's a simple girl.

For free?

To make up

for what landed her in jail.

I'd rather you broke up

with that jailbird.

I don't want any scandal

before the elections.

Is that why you had Dime

beat her up?

Pardon?

He hit her and stole the crown.

- You're nuts!

- You claim it's not true...

I saw you hide it.

Look, kitty.

The deal was

you mind your business,

I mind mine.

Following the epic charge

of Polish cavalry at Somosierra Pass

Napoleon wants to reward the Poles

with something precious,

rightfully claimed as their own:

the missing crown of Casimir the Great.

Four days after the battle

Commander Krasinski

summons three trustworthy officers.

My dear rascals!

Madrid, Col. Krasinski's quarter,

December 4, 1808

We've won the shortest and the

cheapest battle of the campaign.

We opened the door to Madrid

in eight minutes!

'Cause Polish blood is cheap.

France will always remember us.

'Cause they keep saying

"as drunk as a Pole".

Infantry would've fought for weeks,

with lots of bloodshed.

The Emperor is ecstatic.

But they've written

it was a French charge.

French AND Polish.

But you know and people know

it was a Polish charge!

Under Kozietulski.

The Emperor called us the bravest

of the brave. This has to suffice.

As usual.

Who will remember it in the future?

In any case, the Emperor is willing

to give us something. Give back.

"It sat 200 years in St. Denis

treasury, but I think it's yours" -

that's what he said!

- The missing crown of Casimir the Great.

- You sound like an expert!

How did it end up in France?

He didn't say that.

Anyways...

I have a mission for you.

Early tomorrow I want you on your

way to Poland with this load.

To Warsaw?

Why not. But via Cracow.

Because when we finally

attack Russia...

Attack Russia? When?

When time is ripe.

And then Napoleon, on his way

to Moscow, will stop in Cracow

to be crowned King of Poland.

I want the crown of the last Piast

waiting for him there.

"As drunk as a Pole" not because

only Poles drink. The French drink too.

But the next day they're unsteady

in the saddle, while we,

even hung over, charge uphill,

seizing the pass and sixteen cannons.

That's why he told his troops:

if you must drink,

get as drunk as a Pole.

Long live the Emperor!

If they took the crown to Cracow,

how did it reappear in Spain?

It never made it to Cracow.

No?

Why?

Lubienski's diary says nothing,

but his companion's letters,

published forty years later,

explain what happened.

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