Vote for Huggett Page #4

---

- Don't worry, Mum. He'll never get in.

- Who says?

But nothing like that's ever happened before.

Not even Uncle Stan ever stood for the council.

I think it's a smashing idea.

Well, I'm glad to hear someone does.

Impudent, impertinent, crazy upstart!

Of all the blasted tomfoolery!

What's the matter now? More nationalisation?

No, worse.

That fellow Huggett's standing for the council.

Huggett? But he's only a workman, isn't he?

He'll never get in.

Not if I can prevent it.

It means I shall have to work twice as hard

to get Hinchley elected.

Oh, otherwise, my community scheme is off.

If only I could think of some way

to get Huggett to stand down.

It's really too absurd! Can you imagine that

funny little Mrs Huggett being a councillor's wife?

Funny?

Funny? Mildred, I think you've hit it.

Why didn't I think of it before?

You'll have to make her see.

Tell her she'll be a laughing stock.

Tell her she could never be a councillor's wife.

You can exaggerate the duties a bit,

but for Pete's sake, frighten her so much,

she makes that idiot, fool of a husband of hers

forget the whole idea.

I'd like to see Mrs Huggett.

Will you please tell her?

Oh, I'm Mrs Huggett.

Oh. Oh, how stupid of me

not to have recognised you at once! Of course.

You do remember me, I hope.

- Oh, do I?

- I'm Mrs Hall.

Alderman Hall's wife.

Oh, yes. It was you who gave the...

prizes away at the flower show.

That's right. How clever of you to remember!

May I come in?

Yes, of course.

Mind the Monkey Brand.

- Oh, do sit down.

- Thank you.

I'm so glad you remembered the flower show,

because it rather brings me

to what I came about.

You must be a very brave woman.

Why? Oh, because I scrub my own doorstep?

Oh, dear, no. Because you're prepared

to be a councillor's wife.

Oh, that.

As soon as I read about your husband

in the newspaper,

I felt I simply had to come and sympathise.

- Sympathise?

- Perhaps I should explain.

You see, my husband

has been a councillor for 25 years.

Mrs Huggett,

I can't tell you what a strain it's been.

Oh, I am sorry.

I don't know

when I could last call my cell my own.

- Oh, dear.

- The social duties! You can't imagine.

Not a day passes

without I'm entertaining someone.

Oh, you know the sort of thing.

Best silver tea service. French pastry.

Sardine fingers. Pt de foie gras.

- Pattay de what?

- Pt de foie gras.

- Will I have to do all that?

- Of course.

Then you'll be called upon to make speeches.

- In public?

- Oh, yes.

Public meetings. Committee meetings.

Welcoming important visitors. Royalty.

- Royalty?

- Oh, yes.

I'll make a cup of tea.

(Tyres squealing)

Aye-aye. They've got visitors.

Shall we call back?

What for? You're family now, aren't you?

- Course we are.

- Hey, you're darn right, toots. Come on, babe.

- Saucy.

- (Chuckles).

'Ere, dear, what about the goods?

Oh, all right.

Come on, girl. Ups-a-daisy.

Mrs Huggett, I was wondering if you'd consider

saying a few words at the garden fte

that the Women's Institute are getting up.

- Address a fte?

- Oh, I'm sure everyone would love to meet you.

And you could meet

all the other councillors' wives.

Oh, well... I don't know...

Anyone at home?

Grandma!

- This is my mother, Mrs Hall.

- How do you do?

Mustn't grumble.

But my poor feet

have been giving me what-for lately.

Really?

Yes.

Now, Mrs Huggett, about this fte...

How are you, Mrs H?

Got everything under control?

(Whispers) Go into the kitchen.

Why?

Aren't we good enough for the front room?

Oh, Di! Yes, come in.

This is Mrs Hall.

My niece Diana, and her husband Mr Gowan.

- Hello.

- How do you do?

- Here, park your carcass.

- Oh, Pet!

Oh, yes, Mrs Hall. About the Women's Institute.

I'd be very pleased to come,

if Pet could come with me.

Oh, well, that'll be splendid.

Of course, my dear. That will be nice.

Well, I know you're busy, Auntie,

so I'll just say why we came.

A fella named Christie

came to see us about Riverside Drive.

He made Di a very nice offer,

and I think she should take it.

- Well, I don't.

- Well, why should I suffer,

just because you want

to hang on to a measly bit of land?

Now, look here, Di. My grand...

Mrs Hall, what must you think of us?

We'll talk about it later on.

Quite all right. I must be getting along.

I can see that I'm disturbing a family reunion.

Oh, have a cup of tea before you go, Mrs Hall.

No, thank you so much. Well, goodbye.

I am delighted to have met you all.

- Charmed, I'm sure.

- Yes.

Pet! Show Mrs Hall out.

- Thank you, my dear.

(Door closes)

Now, Auntie, about that bit of land...

Now, don't you start shouting at me,

cos I won't do it! I won't do it.

Oi-oi!

(Door opens)

- Hello, dear.

- Any luck?

- I think I've scared her stiff!

Good.

Of course, I had to lay it on pretty thick.

But if she doesn't ask her husband to call

the whole thing off, my name's not Mildred Hall.

(Chuckles) What sort of time did you have?

Not too bad, really.

She's a nice enough little woman.

Then some awful relations arrived, so I left.

Come to offer their congratulations, I suppose.

No. Funnily enough,

they started talking about a man called Christie.

He wants to buy some land off them.

- Land, eh?

- Mmm. Mrs Huggett didn't seem keen to sell.

Looked like a family argument, so I thought

I'd better go. Can I have a light, dear?

They didn't say where it was, by any chance?

Riverside Drive, I think.

By George, Mildred!

I believe you've tumbled onto something.

- What?

- Wilson and Lever own the Riverside land.

The only place you can build a lido,

except for one small plot.

I'll bet this is the one.

Christie must be working for them.

- What are you going to do?

- I'll show you.

Bentley,

I want you to do something for me straightaway.

- Yes, sir?

- Go round to... Where is it, Mildred?

Huggetts'? 34 Oakfield Avenue.

I want you to go there and see Mrs Huggett.

She's got a plot of land for sale

on Riverside Drive. Buy it.

- What do you want to pay for it, sir?

- You can pay her 50 above her last offer.

Not for me, you understand?

Very good, sir.

- What's that for?

- To prevent Wilson and Lever getting it.

They can't push through their lido scheme

without it.

If they think they're gonna put a spoke

in my wheel, they're mistaken.

(Chuckles)

- I didn't think you'd have trouble getting it.

- Well, they want to sell, and I can get it for 350.

Only, they can't do anything

without Mrs Huggett.

- Can't they persuade her?

- My guess is they'll try. They want the money.

All right. You keep after them.

Go to 400, if you must.

I'll have a go in another direction.

- Good night.

- Good night, Mr Lever.

No, Peter. No, I don't want to.

Well, all right, then...

(Buzzer)

- OK. Call for me about seven.

Look, I must go now, cos I'm wanted. Goodbye.

- I'm sorry, Mr Lever. I was on the phone.

- That's all right.

Look, Susan, I hate asking you to work overtime,

but how are you fixed tonight?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes