Vote for Huggett Page #6

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(Piano starts)

? In other lands I've wandered since we parted

? I seek the garden fair beside the stream

? I tread each well-known pathway

weary-hearted

? For all I see recalls the old, sweet dream

? No more on earth

your loving smile will cheer me

? No more on earth your dear face I shall see

? Yet memories of the past are ever near me

? And linger round the dear old apple tree

? In the shade of the old apple tree

? When the love in your eyes I could see

? When the voice that I heard

? Like the song of the bird

? Seemed to whisper sweet music to me

? I could hear the dull buzz of the bees

? In the blossom, as you said to me

? "With a heart that is true

? I'll be waiting for you

? In the shade of the old apple tree

PET:
Thank you.

Thank you. And now, if you don't mind,

I'd like to sing a new version of the same song,

written by some friends of mine.

? In the shade of the old apple tree

CHOIR:
? Where the river rolls down to the sea

? Where the children can

play on the lido all day

CHOIR:

? And the grown-ups have afternoon tea

? Just a lido for you and for me

? Doodle-doo-doo, vote for Huggett!

? And that is what you'll see

CHOIR:

? You will see the Progressives are the best

? Vote for Huggett

CHOIR:
? And rest in the shade

? In the shade of the old apple tree

Then all the kids from the youth club came,

and everyone was singing, "Vote for Huggett,"

till, really, I didn't know where to look.

You'll have to speak to her.

Well, I'm glad somebody sticks up for me.

Now, how do I look?

- All right.

- Well, you might look more enthusiastic.

I can't. If you want to know,

I wish you'd never gone in for this council lark.

- Why not?

- It's getting me down,

what with lidos, apple trees,

speeches and royalty coming to dinner.

Who said anything about royalty?

Mrs Hall did. She said I'd got to entertain them.

Well, Mrs Hall was talking through her hat.

And for why?

- Well, I don't know.

- She's trying to put us off this council stunt.

This lido lark's interfering

with her old man's racket.

Else, why do you suppose

she told you all that ruddy nonsense?

The two-faced thing!

(Chuckles) Go on - leave us in peace.

I want to study my speech.

Oh, I could skin that Mrs Hall!

Er... ladies and gentlemen,

fellow citizens of Strutham.

It gives me great pleasure to...

.. great pleasure to be here tonight.

I now speak to you in a very humble capacity,

but I hope the day will come

when I shall serve you on a far higher level.

Ah, Clem. Glad to see you.

Hello, Winston. Nice to see you again.

How's the painting?

Fine.

Hello, Emmanuel.

Stopped adding fuel to the fire? (Chuckles)

Your Majesty. This is a great honour.

Meet the missus.

Oh, Dad, can you give me a shilling for the gas?

I've run out.

- Now, then, you can't say that.

- Which one's that?

"If you vote for me, I will see to it

that your interests are safeguarded. "

- But that's reasonable.

- Your job is to get in, not to make promises.

- Yes, but I've got to say what I feel...

- You can't say that.

- But look, that one's important.

- No, no, no.

- Or that.

- But...

Ah, that's better.

Now, see what you've got.

Ladies and gentlemen...

That's all.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, you've heard

Mr Hinchley express himself so admirably.

I have very much pleasure in introducing to you

our second candidate, Mr Joe Huggett.

(Cheering)

Now, ladies and gentlemen, it gives me

very great pleasure to be here tonight.

- It don't give us any!

- You don't know what's coming to you yet.

- And neither do you!

- Well, we'll see about that.

Now, as you'll soon find out,

I'm not much of a speechifier.

It's not my line. I believe in getting things done,

not talking about 'em.

So, I'm not going to give you a lot of hot air

about this or that that wants doing in Strutham.

You know it backwards. We'll leave all the hot air

to the House of Commons.

I want to say just one simple thing.

To me, Strutham's like a family.

A whacking big family,

but a family, just the same.

Now, I've got nothing against big families.

I've had a pretty fair-sized one myself.

But there's one thing you have got to have

if you're a big family,

and that is space.

You've got to have a place where the old folk

can have a bit of peace and quiet.

You've got to have a place

where the kids can let off steam.

And you've certainly got to have a place

where the middle-aged

can shake the dust of their in-laws off their feet.

Now, I say that a pleasure garden,

or a swimming pool, or lido,

is the answer to all these problems.

And if you're voting for me,

then you're voting for that.

Of course, you may think

that I'm a sentimental old codger.

But to me, there's something sweet,

clean and refreshing about a garden.

Something that makes you feel better.

Gives you a new lease of life.

There's a bit of poetry that explains what I mean

better than I can explain it myself.

It goes...

Well, I'm not so sure how it starts,

as a matter of fact, but I know how it finishes up:

"The song of the birds for mirth.

You're nearer God's heart in a garden

than anywhere else on earth. "

Ah, shut up!

You'd better watch the garden by the river,

not up here.

(Shouting)

(Screams)

Well, it's been a good fight, hasn't it?

It has, yes!

(Laughs)

Seeing that Dad's so busy at this meeting,

we thought we'd come and keep you company.

- Ah, that's nice of you.

- Yes.

Now, Ma, Di and I have been talking things over.

And we don't feel it's right to keep money

tied up in land. Well, it's against our principles.

- We like to see it circulate freely.

- That's right.

How? In one door of The Wheatsheaf

and out the other?

Now, I hope I'm enough of a gentleman

to ignore that remark.

Anyway,

the point is that we'd like to sell our bit of land.

- Well, Ethel, what do you say?

- I'm not speaking.

Now, listen. Are you ready to sell your share?

- No, I'm not!

- Why not?

You know perfectly well why not.

Grandfather left it to us as a nest egg.

He said not to sell it unless we was in trouble.

If Di was in trouble, it would be different.

But she isn't. Are you?

Of course not.

Granddad had his head screwed on right,

and if he bought that land, it was for a purpose.

- A bit of swamp.

- Swamp or no swamp, he knew what was what.

I wouldn't wonder if there was uradium

or penicillin hidden in it. I'm not selling.

Pig-headed. That's what you are, Ethel.

Now, just leave this to me.

I've got business experience.

Business? Only under-the-counter stuff!

Under the counter?

What about those nylons you've got on?

Pig-headed - that's what she is.

I never was so insulted in my life!

- As a matter of fact, I bought these nylons.

- I bet you did.

- Look, I'm not gonna get stuck up...

- Neither am I.

Pig-headed. Always was.

- Are you calling me a liar?

- Yes!

Look, you're gonna sell that land, or...

For the last time, I am not gonna sell it!

The whole lot of the Huggetts is pig-headed.

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