Vote for Huggett Page #7

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Pig-headed. Pig-headed. Pig-headed.

(Children shouting)

- All right?

- Fine.

- Did you get one, Pet?

- Well, sort of. How's the poster going?

- It's finished, bar the lettering.

- Gosh, that is wizard!

- You really think so?

- It's smashing.

How long will it take to do the ones with Dad in?

Well, it's all according what you've got for me.

I'm afraid it's rather faded.

- He's a bit of a comic, isn't he?

- Someone took it for a joke at a cricket match.

- Is that the best you can do?

- Yes, he doesn't go in for photographs.

The other one was a wedding group,

and they'd miss that.

Well, this'll have to do, but it's going to be tough.

I say, come on.

- How about a kiss on account?

- You've got a cheek!

You deliver the poster first. Then I'll see.

Harold Hinchley. Don't forget to vote, will you?

Mr Hinchley.

Harold Hinchley.

Ah, good. Right.

Now we're all together, we can get started.

Now, you've all got your routes, haven't you?

All right. Now, we'll meet here again

when we've finished. Is that clear?

Is that clear? Right?

OK. Now, let's go. Make it snappy.

(Yapping)

Ah!

Ah, good evening, ladies! (Chuckles)

What a dear little dog you've got!

Wuzzy-wuzzy-wuzzy!

Naughty Trixie!

Don't mind her barking. She's nervous.

Oh, she's not nervous of me. Are you, beauty?

What is it you were wanting?

- Your votes, madam.

- Oh, we don't vote.

- No, we never vote.

- We don't believe in it.

Yeah, but this is only a municipal election.

I mean, I want your support for this lido lark.

Perhaps you read my letter in the paper.

- Yes, we saw it.

- We read it.

- We don't believe in it.

- They might put the lido near the river,

and that would never do for us.

You see,

we are the owners of the Bramley Estate.

We haven't agreed on its disposition.

And it's the subject of litigation,

so we can't discuss it.

But wouldn't you like somewhere

where you can fling your clothes off and bathe?

Fling our...? We don't bathe.

- We never have.

- No, we don't believe in it.

Yes, but it would be quiet, see?

Somewhere where little doggies

can take their exercise away from nasty motors.

- Oh!

- Oh, I see.

Er... just a moment.

(Whispering)

- We'll look into it.

- We might even consider it.

Favourably, perhaps.

Well, thank you very much.

That's very kind of you. There's Wuzzy-Wuzzy.

- There we are.

- Good night.

ALL:
Good night.

Shut the gate.

(Yapping)

- (Shrieking)

- Trixie!

(Women all shout at once)

- Good evening. I...

- Trixie!

Trixie, come back!

Er... er... ladies,

I ventured to call this evening...

Did the naughty man leave the gate open, then?

She's trembling, the poor little...

Some people have no consideration!

She might have been killed.

I've come to discuss a far more important issue

than the welfare of our canine friends.

Well, we won't listen to you, will we?

No.

- Ladies...

- You're a nasty, horrid man!

- But you haven't heard what I want to say.

- And we don't want to.

We have nothing to say to people

who have no feeling for little dogs!

- I... I wanted to...

- Nothing. Good evening.

Susan, come in a minute, will you?

Yes, Mr Lever.

Sit down.

- You won't need that.

- Very well.

Susan, I want to ask you something.

Yes, Mr Lever.

- Will you have dinner with me?

- No, thank you.

That's the third time this week I've asked you,

and the third time you've turned me down. Why?

I don't like going out with married men.

- Who said I was married?

- A friend of mine.

- What else did he tell you?

- Isn't that enough?

No.

It's either too much or not enough.

You mean you're not married?

Come to dinner and let me tell you

the whole story.

Then you can make up your own mind. Will you?

Please.

Well...

All right.

? Swing band

I don't talk about my wife as a rule,

but you're so sympathetic, I can tell you.

- May I?

- All right.

It's a tragedy.

Absolute tragedy.

The war, you know. All that terrible bombing.

It affected her mind.

Well, she had to be put away.

You mean she's... queer?

Oh, completely insane. She tried to kill me.

I've got the most horrible scars

where she attacked me.

- How awful.

- I'd show them to you.

Only, they're not in the right places.

- How long has she been like that?

- Five years.

It happened a month after our wedding.

So, you see,

my marriage hasn't been a marriage at all.

Just an empty shell. A mockery.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, I knew you would be.

You're so different from other women.

- Am I?

- Yes.

You've got courage, and sympathy.

You're so strong,

and at the same time, so sweet.

If you were in love with a man -

really in love, I mean -

you're the sort who'd defy convention

and go away with him.

To the ends of the earth. Wouldn't you?

Do you really think so?

- It's written all over your face.

- Is it?

Such an adorable face, too.

Susan... will you?

What? Defy convention?

If you want me to.

Good morning, miss.

I'd like a word with Mr Huggett, if he's in.

Yes, of course. Just a minute.

Dad! Someone wants to speak to you.

- Who is it?

- A policeman.

Oh, good morning, Sergeant. You wanted me?

That's right. I'm sorry to trouble you, sir,

but I want to give you a word of warning.

Now, in the ordinary case, the police don't

interfere in elections, unless we're called in.

Well, of course. 'Ere, you get off. You'll be late.

Yeah?

But this time, we feel you've gone a bit too far,

and it's got to stop.

- Well, what's gone too far?

- This, for a start, sir.

Come inside.

Where the blazes did you get that from?

On the notice board outside our station, sir.

Amongst the murderers and lost dogs.

Well, struth, Sergeant -

I've never seen that in my life.

Oh, now, we're not quite fools, you know.

This and half a dozen others

was plastered all over the town last night.

We've had a few complaints already.

I expect there'll be more before the day's out.

So, I just want to warn you: any more,

and there'll be a summons. Is that clear?

Quite clear. Thanks.

Between you and me, and duty apart,

I'm all for this lido notion of yours.

But take my tip:

that sort of thing won't get you anywhere.

Is that clear? So, don't let it happen again.

Good morning, sir.

Good morning, Sergeant.

Ah, Christie? Gowan.

Look, are you still interested

in that bit of land in Riverside Drive?

You are? Well, I think I can fix it for you.

If the price is right.

Yeah.

All right. Well, I'll tell you what.

Meet me at The Wheatsheaf saloon bar

at eight o'clock. Got it? Eight o'clock.

And bring your chequebook with you.

That's right. OK. Bye-bye.

(Diana squeals)

(Laughing)

Oh, you...

Oh, hello. I want to speak to Mr Bentley.

Oh, hello, Bentley. Gowan here.

Oh, all right. How's yourself?

Yeah, now, look. I've been talking

over that little proposition of yours.

Well, if you're still interested,

I think I can fix it for you.

Ah, you leave her to me. I'll soon fix her.

OK. Well,

how about having a drink with me tonight?

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