Vote for Huggett Page #9

---

- If you like.

Did you or any of Mr Huggett's supporters know

that he or his wife own part of the land

which the ratepayers have been asked to buy

for this precious lido?

(Shocked murmurs)

You've no right to ask such a question, sir.

Oh, yes, I have. I'm a ratepayer.

If I'm going to be asked to vote for a lido,

and buy the land for it,

I want to know who's making a quick profit

at my expense.

You're completely out of order, sir.

You've no right to make such a statement.

I'm not making a statement.

I'm asking a question.

And I'm telling you, sir, that you are out of order!

(Confused shouting)

- I'll find it.

- You don't know the keys, anyway.

Give them to me.

- What are you doing?

- Well, I was just...

- Here.

- Is that it?

I think so.

Yes, look. It's signed by Di and Mother.

- Is that her writing?

- No, of course not. It's a forgery.

They could go to prison for this.

And you could go to prison,

for what you're doing.

- Maurice!

- Hello, Mr Lever. My name's Hawtrey...

- Give me that agreement.

- No!

- If you don't, I shall call the police.

- Well, call them. I don't mind.

- 999.

- Thank you.

(Banging at door)

- That was quick, wasn't it?

Aren't you going to let them in?

Ah, so I was right.

There you are. There's your evidence.

- Alone in his office at night, with a woman.

- Not alone. I'm here.

That's beside the point. What's your name?

- Susan Huggett. What's yours?

- Mrs Lever.

Mrs...? But...

- She's escaped!

- What do you mean, escaped?

- Well, you're in a lunatic asylum.

- Who says I was in a lunatic asylum?

- Maurice did.

- Oh, you did, did you?

No, no. Now, don't lose control.

Now, let's be calm.

Calm, for heaven's sake! I have an explanation

for everything, if only you'll let me give it.

Wait! Please, don't...!

You know perfectly well that as soon as Mr

Huggett arrives, he'll answer all your questions.

When Mr Huggett arrives?

You know perfectly well he's not coming.

Can I say something?

Mrs Huggett, you'd be well advised

to ignore Alderman Hall's remarks.

In my opinion,

they're slanderous and actionable.

I should say nothing

without first consulting your lawyer.

- We want to hear her!

- Let her speak!

- Do you want to, Mrs Huggett?

- Yes, please.

Well, very well. But don't say I didn't warn you.

Well, that land by the river

doesn't belong to my husband.

It belongs to me and my cousin.

Only, she's dead, so now it belongs to me

and Di. That's my niece, Edie's daughter.

There you are.

You heard Mrs Huggett's explanation,

and it's quite obvious

that Alderman Hall has been misinformed.

I suggest that we continue...

Just a minute.

Ask Mrs Huggett

if she didn't sell the land yesterday...

and how much she got for it.

I never sold nothing.

I promised my granddad I wouldn't part with

that land unless I was in trouble, and I didn't.

If I told you I'd spoken to the solicitor

who drew up the agreement,

and your signature was on it,

what would you say?

- I'd say you was a liar.

- Mum! Mum! We've got it. Look.

Mum!

- May I ask what that document is?

- No business of yours. It's private.

Am I right in saying it's an agreement

to sell a piece of land in Riverside Drive?

Yes, that's what it says.

- And your signature's on it?

- Of course not. It's a forgery.

Forgery! A pretty excuse, I must say.

You sell the land,

and when you're found out you say it's a forgery.

- That's not true, and you know it.

- Oh, isn't it?

Where's your father? Why isn't he here?

Because he's afraid to face the music.

'Ere, 'ere, 'ere! Say that again.

(General muttering)

Now, ladies and gentlemen, with your

kind permission, I'd like to say a few words.

(Cheers of approval)

I'm sorry I was late,

but I had a bit of urgent business to clear up.

Now, I gather Alderman Hall has been saying

a few kind things behind my back.

Well, I've got a few things to say myself,

and I'm gonna say them to his face.

In the first place, when I put forward this lido lark,

I did so because I thought it was a good idea.

Not because I wanted to flog a bit of land

that belonged to the missus,

or make a bit of money myself

out of a building contract.

But this afternoon I had a bit of a shock.

Alderman Hall threatened me.

He said either I withdrew from this election,

or he'd prove

there was some funny business going on.

Well, I didn't withdraw,

but I did do some checking-up.

And, ladies and gentlemen, I want you to know

that there is some funny business going on.

Plenty of it.

Whichever of these two schemes

the council accepts,

you're going to pay through the nose

for something which isn't worth half the price.

And for why? For why?

Because there's a fiddle going on.

I admit it. In fact, I'm telling you.

(Murmuring)

Now, wait a minute. Before you get angry -

and you've a perfect right to get angry -

I want you to listen to Miss Bramley.

(Shouting)

She's got something to say

that I think you ought to hear.

(Cheering and applause)

- Ladies and gentlemen...

- And Mr Huggett.

- We didn't want to come here, of course.

- We happen to own the Bramley Estate.

- The three of us.

- Jointly, of course.

Unfortunately, there's a lawsuit about the estate..

Only because we can't agree how to divide it.

Remember that.

The lawsuit must go on. Justice must be done.

Meanwhile, despite our differences, we are

prepared to donate the waterside meadows...

- They're part of the estate, you know.

- On the south side.

.. to donate the waterside meadows, free

of charge, to the ratepayers, provided that...

The ground in question

is known as Huggett Park.

In honour of Mr Huggett, of course.

He was the first to make us realise

how all the doggies in Strutham would love it.

Thank him, Trixie...

(Shouting and cheering)

What do you think of it, Mother?

JS Huggett:
3,000 majority.

Very good, I suppose.

- What's up?

- Nothing.

I know you better than that. Come on. Out with it.

Well, I don't know as I can keep up with you,

now that you've got a corporation and all that.

What are you talking about?

Have you gone off your rocker?

I feel I can't talk about the things

that interest you - that's all.

What things?

Oh, national insurance, and football pools,

and rates and taxes and drains.

I can't do it, Joe. I'm not made that way.

Now, there's two things in the world I can't abide:

pretty women and clever women.

You're neither, so what are you worrying about?

- Do you mean that, Joe?

- Well, of course I do.

I like you the way you are, and if I hear you

talking about rates and taxes and that drivel,

I'll take a big stick to you, my girl.

Oh, Joe!

And you can't use that old thing any more.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes