W.C. Fields: 6 Short Films Page #8

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Now, look here, | there's a nice stick of candy for you.

- Aren't you ashamed? | That's the barbershop candy.

- I've got plenty of it. | - You think they were really chasing the bandit?

Sure it was. For two pins, I'd close | this shop and go over and get him...

and choke him to death | with my bare hands.

That's the way we used to choke wolves | to death years ago in the northwest.

I belong to the Bare Hand | Wolf Chokers Association.

Had to choke a wolf to death | before you could belong to the asso...

Um, yes, sir, | yes, sir, yes, sir?

Listen, barber, get rid of those people | and get rid of them quick.

- I'm sorry, folks. This gentleman is ahead of you. | - That's absurd.

- After I've waited here this length of time. | - He telephoned in...

- He telegraphed... | - What's the matter with you?

- He was here. He came... | - You act like an idiot.

Come on, Gloria. | We'll get out of this place.

- Think I'll go upstairs. | - Stay where you are.

Listen, barber, you've got ten minutes | to make me look like another man.

- Yes, sir. | - I gotta get out of this town fast.

Get that thing off there. | Come on. Make it snappy.

- I think I'll go home, Mr. O'Hare. | - Stay where you are.

Listen, barber, get this. | Take the mustache off.

Take the tabs off. Take the eyebrows | off. Close-crop the hair.

- And make it snappy. | - Have you tried that good barber at the hotel?

- He's wonderful. | - Get busy.

I'm the worst barber in town. | My wife will tell you that.

- Will you take those off? | - Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

What are you doing? Are you gonna | get going, or are you gonna get going?

- I'm gonna get going. | Lock the door, Miss Sharp.

Gangway, please! | Excuse me.

Stop in the name | of the law!

Stop | in the name of the law!

Get out of the way, you fools! | You wanna get killed?

Wretched bicycle!

I didn't mean it!

Get out of the way, you fools! | I didn't mean it.

Let me up. Let me up. | I didn't try to get ya.

I like bandits. | Some of my best friends are bandits.

The president of the bank | comes up to our house.

- Congratulations, Mr. O'Hare. | - Yeah?

You get the $2,000 reward. This is | the fella we've been looking for.

- I told ya I'd get him, didn't I? | - What's the matter here?

- What happened? | - I caught the bandit.

- You caught him? | - Yeah, I get the $2,000 reward.

I had to chase him | around the block three times...

before I got the revolver | away from him.

- I don't believe my own ears. | - One side, folks. Just a minute.

Here's the brave little lad | that captured the bandit.

He hit a liner with a baseball that | struck him right on the top of his head.

He knocked poor Mr. O'Hare here | right off his bicycle.

- Are you hurt, Mr. O'Hare? | - Not physically, no.

- Come on, Dick. Get these folks out of here. | - All right. Come on, you.

That's a brave | little lad, Ronald.

In regards to the reward, Mr. O'Hare, | step over to the station tomorrow.

I'll see that | you get it.

So, you caught | the burglar.

Come, Ronald.

- Pop, you wanna hear another riddle? | - Not now, Ronald. I'm not in the mood.

- Go upstairs and eat your spinach. | - Never mind, Mr. O'Hare.

- I know you caught the bandit. | - I know I caught him too.

What's the good of arguing with | those people? They're all nervous.

You can't talk | to 'em at all.

Come on, Lena. | Let's talk to her.

Lena!

Little devils. | You're just as lively as can be too.

Lena, how could you?

You dog, you.

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