Waffle Street Page #7

A franchisee out of Austin.

Checking out the restaurant.

This restaurant?

You're kidding.

No, I believe he's real serious.

Well, it was a pleasure,

Big Jake.

It's good talking to you too,

Matthew.

- All right.

- Thank you.

Uh, excuse me.

I couldn't help but overhear.

You're thinking

about buying the place.

This'll be my third. I already

got two back in Texas.

Wouldn't mind going national.

I love that bravery.

I hope you have a good tax man.

Compared to Texas,

this state is about as

hospitable as communist Russia.

(laughing) Why, sure,

I got a tax guy.

In a former life,

I was VP at Alpha Managers.

No doubt you're familiar

with our Texas branch.

I think we were number three

in the area.

I'm Jim Adams.

Jacob Masterson.

Call me Big Jake.

All right, well, tax codes can be a

bit tricky around here, Big Jake.

See, once a business hits

a 250K threshold,

municipality and state taxes

can run up to 15%.

- I didn't know that.

- Yeah, not a lot of people do.

The trick is to aggressively depreciate

fixed assets on your tax return.

But if you don't know

what you're doing,

you can get mired

in a nasty audit very quickly.

- Oh, audits! I had the feds.

- Tell me about it.

But hey, you got a guy inside the

State Attorney General's Office,

I'm sure

you'll probably be fine.

Good, old Uncle Sam, huh?

Once he starts nibbling,

he just can't help himself.

He wants the whole damn thing,

every time.

You know what I'm talking about.

All right, well,

I gotta get back on the floor.

Best of luck with all this.

Sincerely.

Hey, appreciate

the insight, Jim.

- Thank you.

- You got it.

He flew out of there as if just being in

the state was gonna trigger an audit.

It worked perfectly.

It's gonna take you another two

months to reach your hours.

Did you call Drake?

Directly afterward.

He said Big Jake happened to be

in the area,

and heard about the restaurants being up

for sale, and decided to have a look.

Well, did he sound sincere?

He assured me that we're

at the top of his list,

and everyone else at this

point is just a looky-loo.

He said "looky-loo"?

It's not a term I'd use.

Okay, well,

we need to speed this up.

I mean,

we sold our house for this.

Couldn't agree more.

Tomorrow,

I'm dropping the hammer.

Have you seen Matthew?

- Freezer.

- Thanks.

Is that a 401K?

Mm-hmm. My husband is thinking

about cashing it in.

It's a little early for that,

isn't it?

You'd take a big tax hit.

Yeah, we don't have a choice.

Trying to get our daughter

to college.

You mind if I...

Oh, yeah, please do.

Tell your husband

to max out his contribution.

They'll match him

dollar for dollar.

Wait. They'll do that?

Nobody ever mentioned that.

They never do.

You have to know to ask.

And I would take out

education loans

that don't accrue interest until your

daughter is finished with her schooling,

which should give you four years,

six if she goes for her master's,

to build up

a nice, little nest egg.

- Thanks, Jim.

- Yeah, no problem.

Hey, Matthew, you got a minute?

Yeah, just doing

a little inventory.

- I can come back.

- No, come on.

Well, I was thinking

about that 1,000 hours,

and how it's taking me a significant

amount of time to complete.

Yeah, how can I help.

I need more hours.

Eye of the tiger. I like it.

How many we talking?

Doubles.

Oh, you think you can handle

16 hours a day in this place?

I used to do it all the

time at my old job.

(Matthew sighs)

All I got is third shift.

Great. I'll take it.

- Third shift?

- Yeah.

Hell itself?

Well, if it gets me to 1,000

hours quicker, I, uh...

I don't care what it is.

I'll do it.

You got balls

the size of cantaloupe, Jim.

I'll give you that.

Jim:
Waffle fact.

Third shift takes place

from 9:
00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m.,

and as I quickly learned,

has nothing to do with serving

patrons and earning tips.

It's a battleground,

a nightly reenactment of 250 Texans

defending an old Spanish mission

against the Mexican army

10 times their strength.

The bars let out at 2:00 a.m.,

and by 2:
30,

we are completely besieged

by the drunk, the loud,

and the clinically insane.

Uh, just...

Man:
Be honest with me, baby.

Do I have great tits...

(indistinct)

Sure, she had a tight body,

but the girl is missing

too many teeth.

Oh, no.

I like chicken curry.

You can't handle this.

You can't handle this.

- What up, kid?

- Hang on one second, okay.

- Hey.

- Yeah.

- He just got here.

- Okay, great.

(slurring, mumbling)

He wants to know

if he can order.

I don't know. Can he?

People here are talking

about you, man.

Say you used to work

at a bank or something.

People have their facts wrong.

What did you do?

I used to blow up banks.

No kidding?

I had a cousin

who used to rob banks.

I didn't say I robbed them.

I blew them up.

My buddies and I convinced the

bank officers to give us the money

which we used

to buy bad mortgage bonds.

And that's what it means

to blow up a bank.

That's tough, man.

Stick it.

Thank you.

Didn't know

you were in the club.

What club?

You, me, and Edward, man,

we all did time.

Edward?

Yeah, man, 27 years.

For what?

I don't know.

He won't say.

Manuel.

I never did any time.

(chuckling) One bad ass mofo.

Blowing up banks.

Hey, Larry,

drop me two scatter, please.

I can't hear you. Are you standing on

the bird? 'Cause I can't hear you.

Hey, Jimmy Jambalaya.

How's that double treating you?

Nine hours down, eight to go.

Yeah, I'm surprised you made it

through third shift without me.

It wasn't easy, but I managed.

Well, I doubt if it lasts. I don't see you

going too far without my hand-holding.

What do you think about me taking

a little spin on that grill?

My grill?

With your supervision,

of course.

Hmm.

What do you have in mind?

I always wanted

to make an omelet.

An omelet.

Huh.

Why don't we start you out

with hash browns?

There's only so much damage

you can do with a grated potato.

Come on.

All right, there. Now...

add your cheese

and whatever else you want.

But your focus

is on the hash brown.

Keep it crispy. Keep it golden.

Total is $489.60.

I'm sorry. That didn't take.

Hmm.

Oh!

You okay?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'm all right.

I just, uh...

Let's just try this one.

(exhales) (winces)

Oh! (Stammers)

Do you need me to call an

ambulance or something?

No. No, no, no.

I'm okay. Thank you.

(winces)

I think I'm ready for an omelet.

No, not today. Maybe tomorrow.

- Yeah, that looks...

- He says I'm not ready for an omelet.

(tires screeching)

Baby, what are you doing here?

- I already had a lawyer draft them up.

- Babe.

Are you out of your mind?

I'm at work.

Oh, yeah? You wanna be here?

Then you can be here without me.

I'm not living

like this anymore.

- I'm trying to put a roof over our head.

- I can't stand being near you.

I can't stand looking at you.

It's embarrassing.

- Nancy, listen...

- You're pathetic.

- Hey.

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