Wag the Dog Page #14

AMES:

(TO THE AIDE)

Get on this, right now...

BREAN:

...got to be something. She gives him the sacred...

(HE GESTURES, WHAT-HAVE-YOU)

And tells him:
this is the Traditional Harvest

Offering, given to the Man who Ties the First Sheaf,

the last sheaf, whatever the f*** it is...

AMES:

...this's good...

BREAN:

Stanley Moss, Ladeesngennlmen... And she says...

AMES:

Is she saying this in Albanian...?

BREAN:

(OF NOTES)

Yes:
she is saying this in Albanian, but she's doing

it not to be uh...

(AMES GESTURES, MEANING, "I GET IT")

But because, she explains, that is the only way it can

be understood by her Aged and Sainted Mother, who is

standing there with her, dressed in her Traditional...

AMES GESTURES TO THE AIDE, MEANING, "GET TO IT," THE AIDE NODS HER

UNDERSTANDING, AND DISAPPEARS.

BREAN:

(TO DISAPPEARING AIDE)

C'n I get something to eat...? Now the Old Broad

starts to speak:
you are bringing peace. Not only to

This Land...

AMES:

Our adopted land...

BREAN:

...but to the Old World; you are stilling the forces of

hatred and of War which have, since I was a child...

AMES:

...uh huh...

BREAN:

Now, the Old Lady starts to Weep, Big Bird shrugs off

his secret Service, goes to her, and covers her with

his own coat.

AMES:

(CALLING OUT)

Find out is there any chance we can get some rain

tomorrow, will you...?

BREAN:

(OF PAD)

So forth...

AMES STOPS TO LOOK AT ANOTHER COMMERCIAL ON TV. THEY TURN TO SEE TWO "YOUNG

MOTHER" TYPES, SHOPPING...

YOUNG MOTHER ONE

...to vote for.

YOUNG MOTHER TWO

Well, I think it's like when we thought of Changing

Tommy's Pediatrician. Bill said, "Not While he's sick

-- cause you Don't Change Horses in the mid..."

BREAN TURNS OFF THE VOLUME, AND CONTINUES.

BREAN:

How is Big Bird holding up, by the way?

AMES:

Catching up on his reading. Asked about you, sends his

thanks.

BREAN:

Knock on wood.

AMES:

Speaking of thanks... we puttem back in, what does

your fellow Moss want?

BREAN:

I dunno.... Ambassador to Togo, somethin', I dunno...

he...

AMES:

Maybe he's just a patriot.

BREAN:

Yeah...what was I talking about...?

AN AIDE APPEARS WITH A SANDWICH, AND BREAN STARTS TO EAT.

AMES:

How long you been up, you need a nap.

BREAN:

(SHAKING HIS HEAD)

Due in Nashville.

AMES:

Nashville...?

BREAN:

We're gonna do the Team Song.

AMES:

You're tired, Ronnie.

BREAN:

Y'wanna follow the Cattle Drive? Sleep in the Winter.

What does Moss want...? Matchmaker comes to the

Levinsky Family. Mr. Levinsky, Mrs. Levinsky, would

you entertain an offer of marriage for your son Saul,

from Princess Margaret of Great Britain. Well, they

think, she isn't Jewish, but she's well to-do, a nice

old family. Alright, yes, they say. We would

consider such an offer. Wonderful, matchmaker says,

My Job is Half Done.

(HE YAWNS)

Now, Look:
I got the file, from the L.A. contingent, I

got the day-by-day, of how...

HE LOOKS AT AMES, WHO IS LOOKING INTENTLY AT THE TV.

ANNOUNCER:

(AS AMES TURNS UP THE SOUND)

...denial from the Albanian Government continues, but

this tape, just in...

THE SCREEN SWITCHES TO SHOTS OF TRUDY LAROUCHE, IN ALBANIAN GARB, RUNNING

TOWARD THE CAMERA, OVER A BRIDGE ACROSS A SMALL STREAM, IN THE B.G. HER

BURNING HOUSE, SIRENS, AND THE SOUNDS OF SHOTS, AT WHICH TRUDY COLLAPSES,

CONVULSED WITH SOBS.

ANNOUNCER:

...just having heard her family shot. For the crime of

non-cooperation with Albanian Authorities. Apparently,

they had a family connection in Canada, along the US

border and refused to exploit it to aid the Terrorists

to infiltrate this country.

(BEAT)

They paid with their lives.

AMES:

...this is magnificent.

BREAN:

...Stanley Moss...

AMES:

8 days and we bring it back home....

BREAN RISES, STRETCHES.

SOMEBODY SWITCHES THE CHANNEL, AND WE SEE A NEWSMAN DOING A STANDUP IN FRONT

OF A STREETVENDOR, WHO HAS A BOARD FULL OF BUTTONS. THE CAMERA PANS OVER THE

BUTTONS, WE SEE THE "F*** ALBANIA," AND WE SEE ONE READING "RUN FROM ALBANIA?

TELL ME ANOTHER ONE..." AND T-SHIRTS SHOWING SIMILAR LOGOS.

ANGLE:

ON BREAN AND AMES SITTING AROUND.

AMES LOOKS AT HIM INQUISITIVELY.

BREAN:

None of these are ours. None of em are ours....

(HE SMILES AT AMES)

....that's real politik, Buddy.

AMES:

Waal, I gotta tell you. I've been inside the Beltway

fourteen years, and I feel like I Just Got My Feet Wet.

THEY KICK BACK, AND WATCH THE TELEVISION, SHOWING IMAGES OF THE TANKS ALONG

THE CANADIAN BORDER.

AMES:

And if you think about it: if you think about it, what

Is war...? What is war? I mean, aside from the

killing, and, all... that isn't so pleasant, ... you in

the Service...?

(PAUSE)

BREAN, UNSEEN BY AMES, GETS UP AND GOES TO THE DOOR TO LISTEN.

AMES:

(CONT.)

...and I'll tell you another thing. President said to

me:
When this thing... "happened." "It looks like the

Building's falling. But, these are the times..." and I

wish what he said, we could have used it on TV, and, as

a matter of fact, we can, if we...

(HE LOOKS AROUND, SEES BREAN STANDING

BY THE DOOR.)

Look here, here's an idea... Here's an idea...

(HE WALKS OVER TO THE DOOR.)

Turn it on it's head. If we're ahead in the polls,

well, hell, this is the time to capitalize on it. What

do you think? Get ahead of them, use the percentage

points to push forward some of the long-term goals:

housing, health-care ref...

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