Wag the Dog Page #22

THE CAMERA PUSHES IN, TO A SECTION OF SCHUMANN'S SWEATER.

PRESIDENT (VO)

You will see his sweater is worn...it has been

unraveled in places, and those places form dashes and

dots.

ANGLE:

THE PRESIDENT, HOLDING THE PHOTOGRAPH

PRESIDENT:

Dashes and Dots. And those dots spell out a message in

the Morse Code.

And that message is, "Courage, Mom..."

(PAUSE. PRESIDENT PAUSES, AS IF ALL

CHOKED UP)

And he got the message through. "Courage. Mom..."

(PAUSE. HE COMPOSES HIMSELF)

Well, to the Family of William A. Schumann, to the Men

and Women of Unit 303, to my fellow citizens I say

"courage." I have informed the Albanian government,

and I inform you, that we will not rest until the safe

return of Sergeant Schwn&nn.

(PAUSE)

I'm told his unit mates gave him the nickname, "Old

Shoe." Ladies and Gentleman, we will not treat him

like an Old Shoe, we...

ANGLE INT, 5HOESTORE HQ. NIGHT.

AMES, MOSS AND BREAN, LOOKING AT THE TV.

MOSS:

Trump that, Senator Nole, you Howdy-Doody-looking

Vontz.

ANGLE:

YOUNG PERSON'S APARTMENT, NIGHT.

PRESIDENT:

(VO. ON TELEVISION)

...we will not be swayed, will, will not be swayed

from Every effort to find our Old Shoe, our...

WE HEAR A YOUNG WOMAN'S VOICE

YOUNG WOMAN:

(VO)

Hey...?

ANGLE:

ON THE YOUNG MAN, AS HE TURNS. WE SEE, BEHIND HIM, AN UNMADE BED, AND A YOUNG

WOMAN, THE AIDE FROM THE SHOESTORE H.Q., WRAPPED IN A SHEET.

AIDE:

...wasn't there a folksong called "Old Shoe?" Wasn't

there an old, uh ..."folksong"...

WHITEHOUSE SITUATION ROOM, WE SEE THE BOARD, READING, DAYS TO ELECTION, ET

CETERA, AND THE AIDE, STANDING BY THE PERCENTAGE IN FAVOR SIGN WHICH NOW

READS 37%, THE AIDE CROSSES OUT 37 AND WRITES IN 41, THEN LISTENS, AND WIPES

OUT THE ONE AND MAKES IT 47.

EXT. POOR NEIGHBORHOOD. NIGHT.

A BLACK LIMO GLIDES SLOWLY THROUGH THE STIEET.

ANGLE, INT THE LIMO.

BREAN AND MOSS IN THE BACKSEAT.

MOSS:

It's all, you know ... thinking ahead. Thinking

Ahead. That's what producing is.

(PAUSE)

It's like being a piumber.

BREAN:

Mmm...

MOSS:

You do your job right, nobody should notice.

BREAN:

Mmm.

MOSS:

S'only when you f*** up, everything gets full of sh*t.

(PAUSE)

Do you think we could line him up for the Peace Prize?

BREAN:

Hey, our job ends at the Finish Line.

MOSS:

Yes, but I, well, you know...

BREAN:

Just for the Symmetry of the thing...?

MOSS:

...that's right.

BREAN:

If they can give Kissenger the Peace Prize, I wouldn't

be surprised to wake up and find I'd won the Preakness.

MOSS:

Well, yes, but the guy did bring Peace.

BREAN:

Yes, but there wasn't a War.

MOSS:

All the greater accomplishment.

THEY LOOK AT THE TELEVISION, PLAYING SILENTLY.

ANGLE INS. THE TV SHOWING THE SHOULDER PATCH OF GROUP 303, THE NUMERALS AND A

DOVE HOLDING A SWORD, AND A WOLF HOLDING AN OLIVE BRANCH. AND THE WORD

"VOLO." BREAN INCREASES THE VOLUME A BIT.

ANNOUNCER:

"Volo," meaning, "I will." As the President bends all

his will, to find, and to restore to his country, to

his family, and to what are his mounting legion of

friends, William Schumann, the Commando Ranger of

detacment 3.0.3. -- Sgt. William Schumann...the Old

Shoe.

BREAN:

(SIGHS)

Hell of a thing...

(HE LOOKS OUT OF WINDOW. TO THE

DRIVER)

Stop there..

THE LIMO STOPS. BREAN AND MOSS EXIT THE LIMO, TAKING A LARGE CARDBOARD BOX

WITH THEM.

ANGLE, EXT, THE LIMO

BREAN AND MOSS, BENT OVER A BOX OF WHAT ARE REVEALED TO BE OLD SHOES.

BREAN:

Ya got to hand it to the Fad King.

MOSS:

No, he's my Hero.

THEY PICK UP SEVERAL OLD SHOES, TIE THEM TOGETHER, AND BEGIN HEAVING THEM UP

ONTO A LAMPPOST ON THE DESOLATE STREET. A SMALL AFRICAN-AMERICAN BOY COMS

UP, AND LOOKS THROUGH THE BOX.

KID:

...these Shoes are ratty...

BREAN:

Yeah, well, that's why we're flinging them away...

THE KID SHRUGS, TAKES SEVERAL SHOES OUT OF THE BOX. BREAN AND MOSS GET INTO

THE LIMO, WHICH BEGINS TO DRIVE AWAY. THE KID BEGINS TYING SHOES TOGETHER

AND WALKS DOWN THE STREET AND HEAVES ANOTHER PAIR UP TO ANOTHER LAMPPOST.

ANGLE:

RICH NEIGHBORHOOD. SUBURBS NIGHT.

WEALTHY LOOKING WHITE GUY OUT WAKING HIS DOG. LIMO COMES UP BEHIND HIM.

BREAN GETS OUT OF HIS CAR AND TAKES A CARDBOARD BOX OUT, AFTER HIM. HE

RUMMAGES THROUGH THE BOX. FINDS A PAIR OF RATTY "SPERRY TOPSIDER," AND FLINGS

THEM UP INTO THE TREE.

INT RICH WHITE FELLOW'S HOUSE. NIGHT.

THE MAN ENTERS THE BACK-DOOR, WITH THE DOG.

INT LIVING-ROOM. HIS WIFE, KNITTING, LISTENING TO THE RADIO.

MAN:

...there was a fellow in a limousine, outside,

throwing...

SHE SHUSHES HIM. WE HEAR, ON THE RADIO:

RADIO:

(SINGING, AS PER THE RECORDING WE HEARD

PREVIOUSLY)

..."Dog Was Loyal, and the Dog was True...n'there's

never been a better than my Good Old Shoe...Good Old

Shoe...Good Old Shoe...Never have ta call'im when

there's Work to do...If I get to Heaven when the Day is

Through. I'll know I'll see him waitin', Jest a Good

Old Shoe..."

ANGLE, ON THE MAN, AS HE NODS ALONG IN TIME, TO THE WISDOM OF THE SONG.

F.M. ANNOUNCER (VO)

...was just discovered. A l93O's recording, part of

the folksong collection of the Library of Congress, and

a fitting...

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