Wag the Dog Page #25

BREAN:

(GRINS)

Getting off on the inaugural?

(MOSS NODS)

Gonna go...

MOSS:

Might, if I was asked...

(HE SMILES)

ANGLE THE OKLAHOMA AIRPORT. NIGHT.

IN THE POURING RAIN, THE PLANE, BEING WAVED TO A PARKING SPACE. IN THE B.G.

AN ARMY TRUCK, SURROUNDED BY CHASE CARS, PULLS UP, WE READ, "UNITED STATES

ARMY. SPECIAL P..." AND THE REST OF THE WORD OBSCURED.

ANGLE:

INT THE PLANE. AS THE TWO UNBUCKLE, AND STRETCH.

MOSS:

But, you know, this is the meeting, Ron? You think

about it. This is the meeting. This, here. Schumann

and us. King Kong and the Trainers...this's it... What

are you working on?

ANGLE:

ON BREAN, WHO IS DOODLING.

BREAN:

Medal. Medal and Ribbon.

MOSS:

Of what?

BREAN:

The Albanian Campaign.

MOSS:

(TO HIMSELF)

...the Albanian Campaign. This... this is history...

AMES COMES UP FROM THE BACK OF THE PLANE.

AMES:

...The Albanian Campaign...

MOSS:

...like the sound of it, eh...

AMES:

We've got to put that, into the Inaugural. "I have

here, a ribbon. You haven't seen it before, and you

will not see it too often now. For it is the Proud

Possession of a few, a very few Men and Women... it is

the Ribbon of the Albanian Campaign...."

THE OTHER TWO LOOK AT HIM ADMIRINGLY.

MOSS:

Wilfred, that's not bad.

BREAN:

That's not bad at all.

AMES:

Well, you know, "The Whole Thing's Theatre..."

THE OTHER TWO MEN LAUGH WITH HIM.

BREAN:

Napoleon said, fellow won't sell you his life, but he

will trade it to you for a little piece of ribbon.

MOSS:

...the Albanian Campaign.

(PAUSE)

And we won't even be a footnote...

BREAN:

We were the Albanian campaign, John -- We Were There.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT. HE LOOKS OUT THROUGH THE WINDOW. WE SEE A MILITARY

CONVOY APPROACHING. THE DOOR TO THE COCKPIT OPENS, THE PILOT GOES OUT.

PILOT:

Gentlemen, little problematical weather.

BREAN:

Well, c'n we get him back home?

PILOT:

Could if we had to. Rather not. Rough weather.

BREAN AND MOSS GET UP, MOVE TOWARD THE FRONT OF THE PLANE, MOSS LOOKING OUT

OF THE WINDOW.

MOSS:

Well, they're protecting him well enough.

BREAN:

They should be. Most valuable animal since Sea

Biscuit. Isn't he...

MOSS:

Bigger than that. For want of a nail a Kingdom was

lost...

BREAN:

You've got something, there...

AMES:

(WRITING)

Napoleon said -- A man will not sell you his

life...

THEY LOOK OUT THE WINDOW, START STRAIGHTENING UP THEIR CLOTHING, ET CETERA, IN

PREPARATION FOR MEETING SCHUMANN.

BREAN LOOKS HACK OVER HIS SHOULDER AT THE TELEVISION.

ANGLE HIS POV.

ON THE TV A PICTURE HEADED "ANDREWS AIRFORCE BASE," AND SIGNS OF SCAFFOLDING

BEING CONSTRUCTED, AND BUNTING PUT UP. CUTS TO A TALKING HEAD, IN FRONT OF A

PHOTO OF SCHUMANN.

ANGLE:

MOSS AND BREAN.

BREAN:

...a masterpiece...

MOSS:

(SHRUGS)

...givem what they want...But...

THEY MOVE TOWARD THE FRONT OF THE PLANE.

THEY RUN INTO THE PILOT.

PILOT:

Weather's worsening, sir...might be advisable, wait it

out, on the ground, till..

BREAN:

(NODS)

We're due at Andrews.

(LOOKS AT HIS WATCH)

PILOT:

Well, I wouldn't go up in it, lest I had to...

MOSS:

(TO AMES)

Here he comes...

THEY HEAR THE PLANE DOOR OPENING.

THEY ALL STRAIGHTEN UP AND SMILE, AS SCHUMANN, A RAINCOAT OVER HIS SHOULDERS,

IS LED ONTO THE PLANE, FLANKED BY 4 M.P.'S, AND AN OFFICER, WITH A CLIPBOARD.

MOSS:

Sergeant Schumann? If I may? Welcome to History...

AMES:

Sergeant Schumann? My name is Ames. Welcome.

OFFICER:

S'mby named Brean? Sign here...

BREAN:

(TO THE PILOT)

Captain... You wanna Take'er up...?

PILOT:

Heavy weather East of here.

BREAN:

Whaddaya think?

PILOT:

Six to five and pick'em...you wanna chance it...

THEY ARE QUIET, AS SOUNDS OF THE TV FILTER IN. AN EXCITED NEWSCASTER.

NEWSCASTER:

(ON TV)

Word that William Schumann, the Old Shoe, is

expected back, today, and that a glimpse of him...

MOSS:

Let's fly, if it'll fly... People waiting for us...

THE PHONE RINGS. BREAN ANSWERS IT.

BREAN:

(ON PHONE. HE HAS NOT YET REGISTERED

SCHUMANN)

...child at the airport...

(TO MOSS)

breaks through the ranks, runs to "old shoe" --

should we have flower or a bear...?

AMES:

Uh...Didn't we do this?

BREAN:

Never quit a winner.

MOSS:

I thought they weren't meeting him at the airport...

BREAN:

They insist they wanna go with meeting him at the

airport. I told'em they're wrong, I can't convince'em.

They're concerned that the last kid had the Wheat.

Variations include, the kid is a boy, the kid is twins,

it's a little dog ... they rub meat on Schumann's cuff,

the dog runs to him...

MOSS:

(OF SCHUMANN)

Uh...

IN THE B.G. BREAN FINISHES SIGNING THE CLIPBOARD, THE OFFICER NODS TO THE

M.P.'S, AND THEY SALUTE AND DEPART, THE OFFICER HANDS A KEY TO BREAN.

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