Waiting...

Ha, ha, ha.

Home sweet home.

Thanks, Cochise.

No, you f***ing idiot! I've worked

at a restaurant my whole life.

Sh*t! It gonna be

that kind of a party,

I'm gonna stick my dick

in the mashed potatoes!

- Guess who. Hi, Dean. It's Mom.

- Ah, sh*t.

I know you're not gonna

forget lunch with me,

but I thought I'd call

just to make sure.

Oh, hey.

I forgot you were here.

Yeah, I know. I know.

- What?

- Nothing.

I'll see you at work, okay?

Hey, there, Natasha.

How's my favorite minor doing today?

Hung over.

I got so shitty last night.

On a schooI night?

Kids today.

I must say, there's nothing more attractive

than tainted youth.

Yes. I am indeed a pervert.

- Does that offend you?

- Nope.

I think that most tainted youths

end up being perverts.

Good answer.

Oh, and Monty,

just so you know,

I'm only a minor

for another week.

I turn 18 on Wednesday.

Well, then I guess I better hurry up then.

I don't have much time.

- Hey, Dan.

- Hey, Monty.

- How you doing?

- Good. This is Mitch. It's his first day.

I want you to show him around.

Train him on everything while it's slow,

and when the dinner rush hits,

we'll have him watch the training videos.

Mitch, just listen to

what Monty says today,

and we'll have you out

on the floor by early next week.

- Sound good?

- Yeah.

All right then. Give him a quick tour

before your shift starts.

Good stuff.

Well, Mitch, first thing.

You ever worked in a restaurant before?

- Actually, yeah-

- Well, it doesn't really matter anyway.

Working in a restaurant's

all about learning a routine.

Everything that Dan wants me

to show you, teach you,

all that can be learned

in a few hours.

But...

if you wanna work here,

in this restaurant,

I really think that

you need to ask yourself

one simple question.

How do you feeI about

frontaI male nudity?

- What the heck-

- Pretty f***ed up, huh?

You see, the reason that I ask

is most of the guys that work here

like to play this little game that involves

flashing their genitalia to each other.

- Are you serious?

- Yes, I'm serious.

Now, the exact object

of the game

is to get the other participants to unknowingly

look at your testicles and/or penis.

And if they do, you ridicule them

mercilessly for being a fag

and get to kick them

in the ass.

- But that's-

- I know. I know.

It's demented, depraved,

senseless.

All true.

Now there are rules to the game-

different variations on how to show your dick

and/or balls which allow for more kicks.

But we're gonna get

into that later.

Right now, the first thing

that you have to do

is look deep inside yourself and figure out

if you can take an eyefuI of that.

So are you taking any interesting classes

this semester?

Well, yeah.

I'm only taking the two classes,

but I like 'em both.

I really like my teachers.

CooI guys.

Both have mustaches,

which is a little weird.

- Well, that's just terrific.

- Yeah.

- Guess who I ran into yesterday?

- Who's that?

Nancy Miller and her son Chet.

You remember Chet Miller, don't you?

Oh, yeah.

I remember Chet. Yeah.

- I haven't seen that guy since high schooI.

- Well, he was away at college.

Right.

Didn't you two have all the same

honors classes together?

Yeah, we sure did.

- Yeah, it sounds like he's doing really well.

- I'll bet.

Seems he just graduated with

a bachelor's degree in electricaI engineering.

Wow. His parents must

really be proud, huh?

Well, I'm gonna go.

Always love these get-togethers.

I think we really

broke through there.

Let me tell you something.

My trainer, that bastard,

he didn't prewarn me at all.

He set me up big time.

- Right around that corner.

- Okay.

Look at the log, b*tch.

There are few things

in this world more unsettling

than going into the back

to grab condiments,

and ending up staring

at a huge, steaming pile of cock.

Hey, Serena.

- Hey, babe.

- What's up, Hangover?

I'm not hung over.

- Oh, you and Monty were crazy last night.

- Yeah, it was cooI.

How about you?

You have a good time?

I would've had a better time if somebody

hadn't been ignoring me all night.

Was that me?

Think Monty and I got

a little carried away.

- Oh, I swear, when you two are together.

- You're perverts! All of you.

If you guys can go five minutes without

referencing your genitals, I'll be amazed.

I know what you're thinking now.

You think we're all gay, don't you?

Think we're all just a bunch

of deviant lifestyle-living,

same-sex having motherfuckers,

am I right?

Yeah.

Well, listen. You can put that faggoty baby

to bed right now.

None of the guys

that work here are gay.

I mean, I'll stick my finger in my ass every

now and again when I'm feeling squirrelly,

but that's about

the extent of it.

It's absolutely true.

I've seen him do it.

See what I mean?

Perverts.

Hey, I've seen you use

more than a finger.

- Oh!

- Bye, babe.

- What's up, buddy?

- Nothin', man. What's going on?

What? What?

- What's wrong?

- I'll tell you later.

Listen, man. You got nothing

to worry about. It's just a game.

- Exactly.

- And besides, you know,

if heterosexuaI men can't show

their c*cks to each other,

- then what the hell are we doing here?

- Amen, brother.

You're adorable.

Hey, Bishop.

This is Mitch.

He's the new guy.

I want you to do

a couple things for me.

First, I want you to observe very closely

your surroundings today.

Take everything in.

Leave no mentaI stone unturned.

Can you do that for me, Mitch?

Good.

Then I want you think about

what your life would be like

if you had been born blind.

Thanks, Bishop.

Go. Go, go, go, go, go.

As you can see,

this is a wait station.

This is where you're gonna get the ice,

the soft drinks, the condiments,

the doggie bags,

et cetera and so forth.

That's the computer where you're gonna put

the food and drink orders in.

I hate this f***ing place

sometimes, you know.

Why the f*** do we need four more people

on at this time of day, man?

Look at this place!

It's f***ing dead.

I swear, Dan needs to clean the sh*t

out of his f***ing brain sometimes, man.

F***ing a**hole.

What are you looking at, fuckwad?

That's Naomi. And she's been

working here way too long.

But she's actually a pretty sweet girI

when she's drunk. Let's go.

Come on, baby.

It's nothin' like that.

It's true. You just treat me

like a piece of meat.

Not just any piece of meat, baby.

A prime rib.

- Really?

- Uh-huh. Baby, you're oozin' with sexuality.

Yeah, but why does it always

have to be about my looks?

Just 'cause I dress slutty

doesn't mean I am slutty.

Okay. This is for deliveries.

There's the Dumpster for the trash.

Also, if you wanna get out of the restaurant

and chill out, here you go.

And these two fun-loving pieces of wannabe

gangster sh*t are Nick and Theodore.

How many f***ing times I told you, man?

It's the f***ing T-dog, yo.

- Sorry, G.

- Hey, yo, b*tch.

What makes you think

I won't cut you?

Aw. Come on, now, dog.

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