Waiting... Page #2

You know I'm just f***ing with you.

You know I give you the mad,

phat, superfly, stupid-dope,

dumb-ass, retarded,

bomb-sh*t props.

Yo, it's almost 4:20, dog.

Let's go.

Those guys should be sterilized.

And I'm not kidding at all.

You don't talk much,

do you, Mitch?

- Actually, you haven't really given-

- That's okay.

'Cause I didn't talk much when I first started

working here either.

You just gotta get used

to your surroundings.

- What's up, Poncho?

- Hey, Raddimus. How you doin'?

Actually, more importantly,

how are you and Danielle doing?

I saw that you guys

were arguing, and-

Sh*t, you know, it would be

a shame if you guys broke up.

You two are

really good together.

F*** off, okay. Even if we did break up,

you stand no chance in hell, man.

She got this thing about dating grown men

who've had sex with 16-year-old girls.

See, that's the problem

with women, okay?

They're always trying to project

their own values on you.

Whatever.

Anyway, this is Mitch.

He just started today,

so I thought I'd give you the pleasure

of explaining the finer points

of the game to him.

Oh, virgin blood.

Follow me.

Come here.

I wanna talk to you.

Thanks, Raddimus.

Be gentle.

- There you go, Dean.

- Aw, thanks, Tyla. You rock.

Yeah, Tyla, you're the coolest girI

in the whole schooI.

Hey, man.

Tyla, every time I look at you,

I wish I was a lesbian.

Oh, what a coincidence.

Every time I look at you,

- I'm glad I'm a lesbian.

- Ouch.

Oh, hey, Christy.

It's just Calvin callin'.

Just starting to work the double.

You owe me.

No, I was kiddin'.

You don't really owe me anything.

So, I was just callin' ya,

'cause it's kind of dead here right now.

So, I don't know.

Give me a call back.

I'm at work.

Duh. Duh.

Come on. Talk to me, Goose.

What's wrong?

Remember Chet Miller

from high schooI?

- Tall guy, kind of smelled like my dad's ass?

- That's the one.

My mother told me he graduated with his

bachelor's degree in electricaI engineering.

Yeah, so?

Well, you know, we were in all

the same classes in high schooI.

We're the same f***ing age.

Well, yeah.

But electricaI engineering?

- Come on. Screw that noise.

- Yeah, but come on, man.

We haven't even graduated

from community college.

Haven't even got

our A.A. degree.

Then when we do, what? What the hell

can you do with an A.A. degree anyway?

You can get a job substitute teaching

for retarded kids or something.

Exactly.

That's the dish area back there.

This is where you pick up the food.

That's Floyd. Floyd!

Welcome to Thunderdome, b*tch.

Okay, that's the dry area, man.

That's where we keep all the condiments.

Right over here.

This is the cooler.

The milk and vegetables, whatever.

Back here is the freezer.

You'll find the meat-

Okay, so let me tell you

about this little game we play.

I assume Monty went over

the basic idea with you, right?

- Yeah, he-

- You know the object, right?

To have the other guy

look at you naked.

Are you okay with that?

What are you, some kind of a f***ing sick,

demented pervert, huh?

- No. I was- He told me.

- Come on, bro. I'm just f***ing with you.

Look, man, we're all sick.

All right?

Now, look.

The main thing to remember

is to get the other guy to unknowingly

look at your cock and balls.

Okay, don't just f***ing pull down your pants

and say, "Look at my dick!"

You gotta be sneaky.

I'm gonna go through the positions with you.

The first one's the easiest.

Call that one "The Look. "

All right?

All you gotta do, pull down your pants

reaI quick, show 'em the goods.

If they look, you get to

kick 'em in the ass once.

Second one is called

"The Brain. " Right?

What you gotta do is isolate your nuts

with your fist.

Okay, now, take the time

to look at it, okay?

Because it bears

a striking resemblance to-

Aha. Brain. Yeah.

Okay. For that you get

two kicks.

- So-

- The third one, I call it the "Bat Wing. "

Okay. What you do is you take

the excess skin from your nuts,

and you take it and you make it flat

like paper, all right?

Now, once again, you take

the time to appreciate this.

You see that it looks all veiny and alive

like a bat wing, all right?

If they look, they get

three kicks, all right?

But you can't forget this,

all right?

You gotta call 'em

a fag, okay?

Very important.

The game loses it's meaning

if you don't humiliate them

for being a f***ing meatcake.

You got that?

I just don't understand

why your mom gives you

so much sh*t anyway.

I don't know, man.

You know.

She's my mom. She wants me

to succeed in life.

Yeah. Whatever the hell that means.

Jesus, I'm just glad

my mom's not like that.

So I called your house

today at 2:
00.

You were still asleep,

weren't you?

That's an understatement.

So what did you do last night?

I trust my little angeI

didn't do anything immoraI.

Well, let's see.

I started by getting completely

hammered drunk. It was bad.

Then drove while intoxicated to pick up

this disease-infested prostitute.

Uh-huh.

From there, let's see. Me and the hooker

went back to my place-

The hooker and I.

Excuse me. The hooker and I

went back to my place.

And from there-

God, it was just a blur of intravenous

drug abuse and unprotected sex

while taking

the Lord's name in vain.

Dean, did you know that when Monty was

a child, everyone thought he was retarded?

Dean, doesn't my mom

look old?

I mean, like, much older

than she rightfully should?

So why aren't you and Serena still together?

I liked her.

I don't know.

I guess it got old.

We had a relationship

based on orgasms.

Oh, how charming.

You are being safe,

aren't you?

I don't think I could handle

the idea of you reproducing.

Come on, Mom.

Of course I'm being safe.

I pull out.

Yes, well, your father

pulled out too,

but we've all seen

the tragic end of that story.

You think I wanna have kids?

Absolutely not.

That's why I stick to anaI sex.

If only I had been so lucky.

Okay, so that's

the Abraham Lincoln.

But remember, you have to shave it

so it looks like his beard.

Otherwise, it don't count.

Now the last one.

The last one is called "The Goat. "

Okay, it's a bit trickier.

But if you can pull it off,

you are a god among men,

all right?

What you do is you take

your nuts and your dick, right?

And you tuck it underneath.

Pull your pants down,

show it, all right?

With it sticking out the backside.

You got that?

Okay, well, that just about covers

all the different variations that we have.

But you know, we're always

looking for new positions.

So next time you got a little down time,

you find yourself a little bored,

play with your nuts,

you know what I'm saying?

See what you come up with, okay?

It's all good.

All right. I really only have one thing

I wanna talk about today,

and that's teamwork.

When the dinner rush hits

and things start to get hectic,

you all have a tendency to start yelling

and screaming at one another.

That's just dumb and senseless, 'cause

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