Waiting For Guffman
- R
- Year:
- 1996
- 84 min
- 1,836 Views
First of all,
i want to thank
everybody for coming.
Giving up your lunch hours
and all that.
And, lord knows,
very exciting for all of us.
Happy to be here.
Oh, me, too.
Absolutely. And let's just
I'll be
happy to start.
You know what? Gwen,
why don't you start us off?
Ok. Sure...
you don't need
the pointer here, do you?
No. I don't need
the pointer. Thanks.
I'll just hold on
to it, then.
Oh, she's fine. Gwen?
There is
a concern that i have
that i think
needs addressing
is that we can't have
the port-a-potties
too far off
the main route,
because we do have
a lot of seniors.
Uh, we've solved that.
We're gonna take
the port-a-potties
and put 'em
right over here.
They're not gonna
be in the way.
We're gonna
put a receptacle
over near
arts and crafts.
This is the big bins
you're talking about?
We've got barrels, too.
And we're gonna put
Wait a minute.
That's... that's the crate?
That's the big
barrel, 'cause you got
the pie-eating going on
right over here.
It's more of a dumpster
than a barrel.
That's another thing.
If anything happens
like last year
with that pie-eating...
which brings me
to a point... security.
Oh, god.
Security. I say
we put a rifle on here,
a man with a rifle here,
and a rifle here.
Protect the whole square.
Is that really
necessary?
Yes. Remember how much
we got egged last year?
Absolutely.
What can i tell you?
We're pleased as punch.
We... we are so proud.
We know that
whatever we do here
is a first for blaine
and a first for missouri,
that whatever we do
is going to be the standard
against which all other
sesquicentennials...
that's the 150...
will be judged.
The people of blaine
are can-do people.
In fact, you know, there's
an old saying in missouri
if you don't like the weather,
just wait 5 minutes.
In blaine, i honestly
believe with hard work,
we can get that down
to 3 or 4 minutes.
Here in our
sesquicentennial year,
we've got a lot
to talk about.
There's a lot
to be proud of.
And we're very proud
of it,
that the world
knows more about blaine.
We're chomping at the bit,
certainly from this end,
to get it out there.
It all started
with blaine fabin.
He was hired by 30 settlers
to lead a wagon-train expedition
from philadelphia to california.
Uh, on the 14th night,
word has it they were
sitting around the campfire,
and blaine said,
"do you smell it?
Do you smell the salt
in the air?"
He said, "we're here.
I brought you to california."
And so there was
a big party that night.
And the next morning,
they got up. Uh...
they didn't see the ocean
because they were in missouri.
Uh, blaine was able to convince
them for a little while
that it was just low tide
and things,
but what had happened was
that he had made some mistakes.
Bad weather. Wasrt familiar,
perhaps, with the proper route.
But as it turns out,
everybody was quite happy
to be where they were.
So they said, "it's ok we didn't
make it to california.
We'll stay here."
And that's why
i'm at this desk.
Well, i'm very proud to say
that i'm a direct descendant
of blaine fabin.
I've lived here all my life.
As did my parents
and their parents
and their parents
and their parents
and so on and so forth.
I'm very excited about
the show coming up,
because it'll be
the first time
i'll have the experience
of sitting in the audience
my ancestor...
the... the actual
blaine fabin.
Being a fabin
is not always easy.
Um, i can certainly understand
how the kennedys feel.
I had been
living in new york
and working there
as an actor and director
and choreographer
for 25 years or so,
and i really felt
i needed a change.
I imagined, in my fantasy,
i suppose,
that when i came here,
i would have a completely
different life.
Uh, perhaps, um...
a construction worker
or one of those guys
that works on those
high-wire things that, uh...
with the hard hat.
You know,
that sweeping sort of hat.
And, uh, with the chaps.
But that didn't really
work out.
I began to realize, i guess,
that the theater
was still in my blood,
and what i had to do was
make use of that,
so i offered my services
to the high school here,
and they accepted,
i had formed
I got to tell you,
we are very, very excited
about the big show
that's happening
at the end of the festival.
Everyone right now
is just going crazy
getting ready to audition.
And unfortunately
i won't be able to audition.
We have to stock that day
and can't get out of it.
And corky will not let me
audition any other time.
So, "that's show business,"
is what he told me,
and, uh, you know,
he's the master.
You gotta give him credit
for that.
President mckinley
did a whistle-stop tour
back in 1898.
And a little boy,
jimmy mcbean,
made a stool for him.
And he loved it so much
that he called back,
and said, "lookit, i would
like to give more of these
to dignitaries
who are visiting."
And before you knew it,
blaine is manufacturing
all these footstools.
And that's how the big...
that's how we got
the stool boom.
Blaine became the stool capital
of the world.
My first show
wasbarefoot in the park,
which was an absolute smash,
but my production
on the stage ofbackdraft
was what really
got them excited.
This whole idea of
in-your-face theater
really affected them.
The conceptualization,
the whole abstraction,
the obtuseness
of this production to me
was what was interesting.
I wanted the audience
to feel the heat from the fire,
the fear... because people
don't like fire poked,
poked in their noses.
You know, when you get
a cinder from barbecue
right on the end
of your nose
and you kind of make
that little face.
That's not a good thing.
I wanted to have
So during the show,
i had someone
burn newspapers
and... and send it through
the vents in the theater.
Well, they freaked out.
Of course, the fire marshal
came over,
and they shut us down
for a couple of days.
Mr. Bluestein,
montezuma's revenge
is nothing more
than good old-fashioned
american diarrhea.
Adult diapers
should never even
enter the picture.
So you lose
a few pounds.
My mom used to say
that blaine
is a little town
with a big heart
in the heart
of a big country.
And, to me, blaine
is a kind of town
where i can have
my own business,
meet and marry a wonderful
woman like sheila,
and... and be something,
be somebody.
Some people
find it ironical
that even though
we run a travel agency,
we've never been
outside of blaine.
With one exception.
Well, we've never
been out...
you left blaine.
Well, i went
to jefferson city once.
It was a...
tell them why.
It was a medical reason.
You can tell 'em.
Translation
Translate and read this script in other languages:
Select another language:
- - Select -
- 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
- 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
- Español (Spanish)
- Esperanto (Esperanto)
- 日本語 (Japanese)
- Português (Portuguese)
- Deutsch (German)
- العربية (Arabic)
- Français (French)
- Русский (Russian)
- ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
- 한국어 (Korean)
- עברית (Hebrew)
- Gaeilge (Irish)
- Українська (Ukrainian)
- اردو (Urdu)
- Magyar (Hungarian)
- मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
- Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Italiano (Italian)
- தமிழ் (Tamil)
- Türkçe (Turkish)
- తెలుగు (Telugu)
- ภาษาไทย (Thai)
- Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
- Čeština (Czech)
- Polski (Polish)
- Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Românește (Romanian)
- Nederlands (Dutch)
- Ελληνικά (Greek)
- Latinum (Latin)
- Svenska (Swedish)
- Dansk (Danish)
- Suomi (Finnish)
- فارسی (Persian)
- ייִדיש (Yiddish)
- հայերեն (Armenian)
- Norsk (Norwegian)
- English (English)
Citation
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
Style:MLAChicagoAPA
"Waiting For Guffman" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 22 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/waiting_for_guffman_22984>.
Discuss this script with the community:
Report Comment
We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.
If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly.
Attachment
You need to be logged in to favorite.
Log In