Waiting For Guffman Page #2
- R
- Year:
- 1996
- 84 min
- 1,836 Views
Just minor surgery.
I've been
working here at the d.q.
For about, um...
I don't know.
Something like that.
It's fun.
You just do the cones.
Make sundaes,
make blizzards, and...
put stuff on 'em and...
see a lot of people come in.
A lot of people
come to the d.q.
Burgers. Ice cream.
Anything, you know?
Cokes. Just drive in
and get a coke,
if you're thirsty.
Everybody thinks that roswell
was the first sighting
of a ufo
in the united states,
and that's bull roar.
We had the first sighting
here in 1946.
And it wasrt just a sighting.
They didn't just fly by.
They stopped. They landed.
The people in blaine
went onboard the ship
for a potluck dinner.
I've been coming out
to this landing site
every day for 2 years
to measure it.
And here's the thing...
the circumference
and the diameter change
by a few inches,
yet the radius
remains the same.
Which brings me back
to the number 5.
There are 5 letters
in the name "blaine."
Mix the word "blaine" up,
mix it around,
eventually,
you'll get "nebali."
Neball...
the name of the planet
in a galaxy way, way...
way... far away.
I'll tell you another thing.
Once you step inside
this circle,
It is always 67 degrees
with a 40% chance of rain.
Always.
L... i love
to make people laugh,
and i've been doing it
since...
you know, school.
People ask me,
"were you a..."
you know, "you must have been
the class clown."
And i say, uh,
"no, i wasrt."
But i sat beside
the class clown,
and I... i studied him,
and, uh, and saw
how he made people laugh.
And so i picked some things up,
and, uh, you know,
and at parties
and family functions,
i have to say, i love,
So, there's a thing
that i think i got...
a... a... an entertaining bug
from my grandfather, uh,
chaim progot
who was very, very big
in the yiddish theater
back in new york.
He was in the... the very...
the sardonically irreverent
I said more ham.
And that revue,
i believe, was 1914,
and that revue
is what made him famous.
Incidentally, the song
bubbee made a kishke
came from that revue.
My... my father, bless him,
brought me
into... into the business.
This was his dental practice,
uh, before,
and i joke with my wife
that, uh, you know,
at that point,
that's when the, uh,
the money
started rolling in.
You know.
Brave making m-more wampum
to buy pelts.
Happy as mongoose.
That, uh...
is, of course,
one of my heroes
in a very funny bit.
When i see lips
waiting to be kissed
I can't stop
I can't stop
For that lightning,
oh, it's striking
Again
Yeah
Lightning's striking
Again and
again and again and
I'm going to do a scene
from the movieraging bull.
You f***ed my wife?
What?
You f***ed my wife?
How can you ask me
a question like that?
How can you ask me?
I'm your brother
and you ask me that?
Where do you get the balls
big enough to ask me that?
Basically for
the last 15 years,
i have been
the music teacher
at blaine high,
um, and part of my job,
and a very
important part
is to put on a show
every year,
which i have done
completely by myself.
This year it's going
to be different
because corky,
being from new york,
being a professional
and having put on some very
theatrical productions here,
uh, is going to be
directing the show this year
and i'm going to be
the musical director,
which is different for me.
Teacher's pet
I wanna be teacher's pet
I want to be
huddled and cuddled
And close to you
as i can get
Teacher's pride
I wanna be teacher's pride
Dr. Pearl! How are you?
Ron albertson.
Yes, ron.
My wife sheila.
You remember her
from previous bills.
Hello, sheila.
What are you
doing here?
I'm here, you know,
trying out for the big show.
Congratulations.
No, why are you
here really?
I'm... i told my wife
i'd come out for this show.
You know, i thought
i'd give it a shot.
Give it your best shot,
which won't be the first
shot you ever gave.
Hope it doesn't leave corky
numb like most of them.
It's like pulling teeth
to get a discount from him.
Why don't you give some
caramels to the little girl?
Future customers and all.
So
I can be teacher's pet
Long after
school is through
Teacher, teacher,
i love you
Whoa!
High
Ahem. Maybe just...
ahhh. Mmm.
I dream of jeanie
With
Floating like a vapor
On the soft summer air
Look out!
Camptown races
sing this song
Doo-dah, doo-dah
Camptown racetrack
Oh, doo-dah day
Gwine to run all night
Gwine to run all day
Bet my money
on the bob-tail nag
?
Somebody bet on the bay?
Bay, bay, bay
Way down
upon the swannee ribber
Floating like
A vapor
On the soft summer
Air
Air
That was...
very nice.
Very good.
Very good.
Well, thank you,
dr. Pearl.
Well, thank you very much.
We'll let you know.
Very good.
Thank you.
Thank you.
He can
actually sing.
He's good.
wow.
The albertsons?
Ding-dong.
Oh!
vacationing here at the oasis.
Am i late?
You!
Surprised?
How did you find me?
I have my ways.
Would you like to
come in for coffee?
You don't need to answer
There's no need
to speak
I'll be
your belly dancer
Prancer
And i will be
your sheik
I don't need
a harem, honey
When you're
by my side
And you won't
need a camel
No, no
When i take
you for a ride
We'll need some coffee to go
with that ride, won't we?
You're always
full of surprises.
But, say, i wonder,
do we have time
for that coffee?
What time is it?
What time is it? Havert
you been paying attention?
It's
Midnight at the oasis
Thank you.
Oh... good.
That was great.
Really good.
Thanks a lot.
Thanks for coming.
Should we leave the...?
Why don't you
put that back there?
Yeah.
Strike it?
We've done a few shows
for corky before,
so we know all
Thank you.
Thanks so much.
It was really fun.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Wow.
I'm feeling good
with our cast.
I think that the elements,
as dr. Watson said to sherlock,
"are coming together, sir."
I'm very excited
about ron and sheila,
the old standbys,
the work horses.
I call them
the lunts of blaine.
Allan pearl. Interesting.
How do these...
where do they come from?
Sure, i'd seen him around.
to me to walk up
to the dentist and say,
"are you interested in this?"
But i was shopping
for my wife bonnie...
i buy most of her clothes...
and mrs. Pearl
was in the same shop.
And it just was an accident.
We started talking
about pantyhose.
She was saying... that's not
the point of the story,
but what the point is
was that through
this accidental meeting,
it's like, you know,
it's like
a hitchcock movie
where you're thrown
into a rubber bag
and put in
the trunk of a car.
You find people.
You find them.
Something. Is it karma?
Maybe.
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"Waiting For Guffman" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 22 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/waiting_for_guffman_22984>.
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