Waitress Page #3

---

I'm trying to save money

so I can leave my husband.

Why, what's wrong with him?

Hey, there's no salt and pepper

on the table. I asked

for salt and pepper

and no ice in my juice glass.

- Can't you get nothing I say right?

- I'll go get

your salt and pepper and juice

with no ice.

But you got to promise me

you'll keep your mouth shut

about this baby.

What baby?

Good man.

Honey, Earl's on the phone.

- Tell him I'm busy.

- You don't talk to him,

he might come over here

and cause a scene again.

Yeah, okay.

Can I ask you a question?

Is it my imagination,

or is my left one drooping

down even more today?

I'm starting to feel like something Picasso

would have made.

Do me a favor, hon,

get Old Joe some O. J...

no ice... or he'll bite your head off.

- And some salt and pepper.

- You got it.

Hello, Earl.

Good, good.

No, I-I am glad you called.

You picking me up tonight?

No, that's fine, I'll ask

Becky to give me a ride.

Yes, I know you work hard.

Earl, I've got to get back.

We're busy here today.

Okay.

Bye.

I love you, too.

Mm.

"Falling In Love Pie. "

Oh, pretty outfit, Dawn.

Thank you.

It's a little tight

in the butt, I fear.

Oh, no worries. Men like a little meat

back there, don't they, Jenna?

I have no idea what men like.

Speaking of more meat,

does Earl have any clue at all

that you're pregnant?

No, he don't notice, and

I'm never going to tell him.

I'm just going to run away.

Wow.

How much money you got saved?

Not much, $1,

and I can save

another couple hundred

before theJonesville Bake-Off.

How much is that prize money?

$25,000, hon.

Wow. What pie you going to bake?

I'm not sure.

I was thinking I'd make one

of my real unusual ones,

like my mama used to make.

One where you wouldn't think

the ingredients

would all go together, but they do.

Huh.

Dawn, you're beautiful.

Your skin looks like

a normal person's.

Thank you.

I know what you should do

with that prize money, Jenna.

You should open your own pie shop.

Oh, yeah.

You should have your own little

pie shop somewhere.

Somewhere where they could

really use a little pie shop,

like Europe or New Jersey.

Wow, my own pie shop.

Jenna's Pie Palace.

Jenna's Pastry Heaven.

Okay, back to reality for a minute.

Hey, can you give me

a ride home, Becky?

Earl don't want

to pick me up tonight.

No, take the bus.

I can't drive you.

I've got somewhere to go.

Oh, where you going?

I can't tell you that.

- What?

- What?

Yet! I can't tell you

that yet.

Why not?

Got to go!

You have fun on

your five-minute date.

Use a five-minute condom.

- Hey, wait a minute.

- Bye.

Hey!

Well, whatever it is,

I hope it's good.

Go look at yourself, hon.

This guy's not going

to know what hit him.

Go on.

Oh!

Look what you did.

You made me almost pretty.

What do you mean "almost pretty"?

You're lovely.

Look at yourself.

Oh...

- Hey, sweetie?

- Hmm?

You think you can drop me off at the bus stop

on your way to Banshee's?

Yeah.

"Baby Screaming Its Head Off in the Middle of the Night and Ruining My Life Pie. "

(singing in hum) "Baby don't you cry, gonna make a pie, gonna make a pie with a heart in the middle"

New York-style cheesecake,

brandy brushed,

with pecans and nutmeg.

Hello.

Jenna?

What?

Hi. Dr. Pomatter.

Yeah.

What are you doing here?

Oh, my car wouldn't

start this morning...

God knows why.

Got to take the bus home.

Where do you live?

Uh, Stanton Grove.

Oh, it's nice over there.

Yeah, yeah, it's nice.

If you like trees, which, you know,

who doesn't like trees?

It's a long walk.

Do you mind if I sit down?

Not at all.

Thanks.

So you're a waitress.

I'm a waitress.

Where do you work?

Uh, a little diner off Highway 27.

Joe's Pie Diner.

Oh, wow.

Sounds like a veritable

factory of pie.

I've never been there.

Is it... is it... is it good?

Yes, it's very good.

We make all the pies there fresh.

Breakfast pies, dinner pies,

27 different varieties of pie.

And a new one that

I create every day.

I was just inventing a new one

in my head when you walked up.

Did you make that marshmallow pie

that you brought me?

Yes, I did.

"Marshmallow Mermaid Pie. "

I invented it when I

was nine years old,

in my mermaid phase.

That was probably the best pie

I've ever tasted in my life.

That pie, it was...

that pie was biblically good,

that's how good it was.

That pie could win pie contests

and ribbons and things.

It was...

Thank you.

Yeah.

You know, there was a pie diner

right near where I grew up.

And I used to go there every day

after school.

I had a mad crush on this

waitress named Beatrice.

She looked tragically cute

in her uniform,

and years later, I was doing my

residency and she came in

with an emergency ovarian cyst.

I actually treated her.

Wow.

That must have been

something for you.

Well, she was at least

50 years old by then.

Life does funny kind

of things sometimes.

Yes, it does.

Yes, it does.

You want to hear something

else kind of funny?

When I saw you sitting here

alone in your uniform,

I... I had a flashback.

You made me think of her.

You kind of remind me of her

when she was younger.

Wow. What a thing to say.

Yeah, sorry, it was a compliment.

No, I know.

That's why it made me uncomfortable.

You're blushing.

Sorry, I shouldn't have said that.

No, it was a nice thing to hear. I...

Nobody ever notices me in that way.

Well, somebody

noticed you that way...

otherwise you wouldn't be in

the condition you're in.

- Oh, him?

- Yeah.

He don't count.

He's just my husband.

I'm kidding. Of course he counts.

He's my husband.

Oh!

Oh, here's the bus.

Call me whenever you need me, Jenna.

I'm here for all your

questions and concerns.

Please?

Please?

Please?

Please?

Come on, honey.

L- I feel sick in my stomach.

You know, it's been over a month.

I feel about as sexy

as a tree stump.

You ain't never been sexier.

Am I imagining it, or are

your boobies getting bigger?

Like they grew a size

practically overnight.

That's crazy, Earl.

I got to be with you

or I'm going to die.

Come on, baby, kiss me back.

Move up, baby.

Come on, honey.

Say something sexy to me.

What do you want me to say?

That was...

That was great.

That was great, baby.

Mmm...

Wasn't it?

Yes, absolutely wonderful.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no.

I don't want you as my waitress.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes