Wake Up, Ron Burgundy: The Lost Movie

Narrator:
There are stories,

epic and grand stories

that are forever lost

in the sands of time,

forgotten or changed

by cruel kings

who can hear only the whispers

of these lost legends.

Right there, Scottie.

Take her down.

Narrator:
Still, other tales

become too frightening

for future generations

to impart to their young.

But other stories

are lost to us

because they don't test well

with recruited audiences

or because a movie

is too long

and the story

must be cut for time.

This is one of those tales.

This is the chaff

from the wheat,

the skim from the milk...

the pudding from

the all-you-can-eat lobster buffet,

and the surgeon guy

from Prince & the Revolution.

This is the lost movie

''Wake Up, Ron Burgundy.''

Don't worry, San Diego,

Daddy's here.

Hey, Ron Burgundy!

- You're the best!

- Looking good, San Diego.

I just met Ron Burgundy,

and he gave me a cup!

Hey, Ron Burgundy!

You should do story about me.

You're a riot, Mikos.

Hey, Ron. Bottoms up!

Well, hello, booze.

Peace, brother.

I'm where you're at.

Hey, I like that fanny.

Oh, Mr. Burgundy.

I'm Sue, I'm in the book.

Narrator:
Ron Burgundy

was at the peak of his power

as an anchorman.

I got you, old glory.

Walking tall

and sharing a desk

with his beloved

Veronica Corningstone.

Wait a minute,

who's that handsome devil?

Narrator:
The city of San Diego

now had a king and a queen,

and they ruled with a mighty,

and sometimes sexy hand.

Veronica, however,

had recently been nominated

for a National Excellence

in Broadcasting Award

and was out of town.

For one night only,

it was just Ron and the boys.

So, Champ, did you

get lucky last night?

Oh, no. Last night--

Oh, I stayed home for a while,

drank about six bottles of white wine,

pissed my pants,

so I drove down to Mexico,

and shot some stray dogs.

You know, pretty much

standard Tuesday night.

Hey, you guys...

what is that word?

- ''Because.''

- Bee-cose...

- Because. Because.

- ls that even a word?

All righty, news team, whose drink

needs a freshening up? Anyone?

Helen, I'll have a Beefeater

and tonic, hold the tonic.

Ron, oh...

I know.

I know I'm bad.

I've been a bad boy.

I know, it's silly.

All right, gang, it's almost 6:00.

Let's do what we're paid to do.

Da, da, da.

Unique New York.

Unique New York.

A tarantula enjoys

a fine chewing gum.

Ron:

Chewing gum, chewing gum.

Snoopy was stabbed by a spear.

The Human Torch

was denied a bank loan.

The arsonist has

oddly-shaped feet.

The arsonist. The arsonist.

Cue it.

Ready, Phil.

We're on in five, four...

Announcer:

It's Channel 4 News at 6:00.

Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy,

and this is what's happening

in your world tonight.

An international coalition

of countries

has banded together

to investigate and solve

the mystery of the Bigfoot

once and for all.

The conference held

in Munich

included some of the top scientists

from the United States...

Ron Burgundy.

Oh, boy.

If I were only

By that I mean

I'd blow him.

...with some interesting new

and shocking statistics

out of Washington,

here's Brian Fantana

with a report

you won't want to miss.

Tonight, I conclude

my five-part series

on the evils of breast-feeding.

So remember, let's leave

those ho-hos to us big kids, moms.

Well, it looks like it's gonna be

another great weekend.

Here to tell us all about it is

Brick Tamland with the weather. Brick?

Now, it got all the way up to 97

in some of the outlying areas today,

and that, my friend,

is really, really hot.

And I always make

the same plea

every year at this time.

If you've got pets

and you're going to leave them

in the car in this kind of heat,

make sure they have

a lot of chew toys,

and be sure to roll up the window,

so that heat doesn't get into the car.

Lots going on

in the world of sports.

Champ Kind is gonna let us know

what's going down. Champ?

Big night tonight for the Padres

finishing up a three-game

series with the Dodgers.

They lost the game 4-2.

Here's the pitch,

it's a curveball,

and what happens?

I'll tell you what happens.

And... whammy!

Dave Winfield takes

Burt Hooten deep.

Box seven,

let's ready three.

From here at Channel 4 News,

I'm Champ Kind. Back to you, Ron.

There was a special addition today

at the San Diego Zoo

as Linda the giraffe gave birth

to a 42 lb. baby boy.

Officials at the zoo

say the baby giraffe

will be named Freedom.

Looks like the Clippers

might have themselves a new center.

- Man, that's hilarious.

- ( all laughing )

For all of us here

at News Center 4,

I'm Ron Burgundy.

You stay classy, San Diego.

All clear.

Ed:

Ron Burgundy scores.

You're my boy.

Hey, Ron,

Deacon Charlie, the weatherman

over at Channel 2 News,

is having a pool party.

Every anchor in town

is gonna be there.

Well, I think it's time

to show the fine gals of this city

what a number-one-rated

news team looks like.

News team!

Narrator:
And with Veronica gone,

and another broadcast done,

it was time to do one thing--

socialize... hard.

I couldn't do that.

I couldn't do that.

- Woo!

- Hey, Ron,

- do you know what chlamydia is?

- No, but it sounds like fun.

- Hey, Ron.

- Hey, Garth. How's the divorce?

Oh, not so good.

My kids don't even remember me--

Listen, I don't have time.

You done with that?

I think you are now.

Well, hello, Pete.

You look good. So do you.

Konnichiwa.

- Cannonball!

- Champ:
Hey, everyone!

Orgy!

Sorry, I misread the vibe.

Just go back

to what you were doing.

Narrator:
But even in the midst

of this supposed bliss,

trouble can step forward and say,

''Hey! Don't forget about me.''

Everybody get down!

This is a robbery!

We are The Alarm Clock!

- It all begins today!

- Heroes get blasted!

Shoot, I'm havin' a good time!

This is a party! Come on!

It's a revolutionary

sure shot.

We're taking it all back.

Y'all better wake up,

'cause The Alarm Clock's ringin'.

Ding-a-ling-a-ding-ding-dong!

You've got a real reason

to be afraid!

Hurry up!

We are liberating this money

so that the truth can be set free,

and the people of this city

can wake up! Dig it!

We are The Alarm Clock!

Oh, that was one crazy party.

I feel awful.

I had about 70 beers.

I mean, literally.

I ate a whole bunch

of fiberglass insulation.

It wasn't cotton candy

like that guy said.

My stomach's itchy.

I woke up this morning,

and I sh*t a squirrel.

The hell of it is,

the thing was still alive.

So now I got

this sh*t-covered squirrel

down there in my office,

don't know what to name it.

You should name him Shawn.

Garth:
All right, guys,

let's focus up.

Morning, everyone.

Here are the stories

we're gonna be chasing today.

The radical protest group

called The Alarm Clock

robbed their third bank

this morning.

Let's keep on top of this story.

If it gets any bigger,

the network

could need coverage.

Narrator:
Veronica had gone straight

from the airport to the newsroom...

- Hello.

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