Wake Up, Ron Burgundy: The Lost Movie Page #2

- and Ron's heart nearly leapt

out of his chest when he saw

his sweet, sweet lady.

Oh, Ron,

you are a big deal.

Take me. Take me right now

on this conference table.

It's jazz. It's jazz, baby!

Ron, control yourself!

Not-not with the lights on!

Ron:

Let's make a baby!

Veronica:

This feels sexy!

Ron:

I am engorged!

He's like

an unleashed animal, run!

Put it back in!

No, no, he didn't mean that!

Take it out!

- Look at this.

- Brad:
Yeah.

Must be 20 Gs here,

plenty of money

to start the revolution.

We got enough bread

to arm the people, feed the people,

get people riotous

in the streets.

Know what we should

do with this money?

I think we should buy

a big bag of grass.

What about the revolution?

Our mission...

is clearly stated

in the manifesto.

Where the hell is

that manifesto, man?

I am writing the manifesto.

I'm beginning to start

to think you just here for the --.

You wanna know

what our cause is?

Yeah, we wanna know.

Narrator:

The group was at a crucial juncture.

For months, Paul had put off

writing the manifesto

by smoking skunkweed

and jacking banks.

But now it was time

to state ''the message''

or lose his hold on this band

of dropouts and outsiders.

The TV! That's right!

The TV!

This... this propaganda box,

if we don't control

this propaganda box...

the man... will always

control our minds

and the minds--

the minds of the people.

Just look at some

of the lies they're telling.

Oh, hello.

I'm beloved anchor

Ron Burgundy.

You know, lately I'm hearing

all this talk about kids

smoking pot, or marijuana--

reefer.

Hey, what's the deal with that?

What happened to just getting high

on good old clean life?

Maybe enjoying life

looking at a rainbow,

or sitting underneath a waterfall,

enjoying a big glass of Scotch,

or enjoying a pack of cigarettes

on a hot summer day.

What happened to those

simple pleasures?

Did they die with the dinosaurs

and the Tyrannus rex?

In my book, they didn't.

And there's only one book--

that's the Bible.

So, give it a read

when you got a chance.

Hey, last time I checked,

Bibles were in libraries.

Hey, good night.

The following has been

a public service announcement--

Listen to this sh*t!

That Ron Burgundy is the devil.

We gotta take back

the airwaves!

Yo, I'm telling you, Ron Burgundy

don't even know the hell awaitin' him.

But he sure is handsome.

Frame up two.

Give me a tighter one on two.

Good evening,

I'm Ron Burgundy.

Here's what's going on

in your world tonight, San Diego.

The group

of bank-robbing radicals

who call themselves

The Alarm Clock

have struck yet again.

Let's go to Brian Fantana

who's live on the scene

with a Channel 4 News exclusive.

Brian?

Police are still baffled by this string

of politically-motivated robberies.

They have little evidence,

and few leads.

- All they can do now is sit and wait--

- What is that stench?!

Smells like a biker threw up

on a pile of rotten shrimp.

Hey, jag-off, why don't you

keep it down? I'm on TV.

Back to you, Ron.

Which proves yet again

that even a blind man

and his pet

Japanese devil owl

can find true happiness

in this world we live in.

Let me take a moment here...

just to collect...

A story like that makes this job

hard and great all at the same time.

A lot of emotion right now.

A lot of emotion.

Well...

that's gonna do it

for all of us here at Channel 4 News--

God, I'm still shook up.

Still shook up.

That's gonna do it

for all of us here at Channel 4 News.

I'm Ron Burgundy.

You stay classy, San Diego.

What's that?

Just a little song I heard,

made me think of a special lady

that I happen to be

driving with right now.

Ron, it's making me very nervous

that you're not looking at the road.

Don't worry.

I know these streets

like the back of my hand.

Mr. Burgundy, please,

would you look at the road?

Woman:
...gonna get killed...

'Cause it's really

making me very, very nervous.

This is a Pontiac Catalina,

by the way.

It really handles well

on the open road.

Mr. Burgundy, please,

watch out.

Hold on.

All right.

You have captivating eyes,

like a...

like a unicorn or a princess.

Has anyone ever told you that?

No. Thank you.

I've never crashed...

this month.

And earlier last year--

There's a Spanish family

trying to get across the road--

- No, I know, the Rodriguez family.

- Veronica:
Ah!

Do you like Thai food?

You should look

at that place over there.

And if you're looking

for a good supermarket...

that place is not bad.

Oh my God.

How do you do that?

It's okay, we're almost there.

Ron:

Let me just parallel park here.

- There you have it.

- Oh...

Oh my...

what a beautiful view,

Mr. Burgundy.

I know.

It always takes my breath away.

Over there is

the San Diego Observatory.

It's on the highest point

of the city.

I've always had a dream

of doing a broadcast from there.

Bouncing a telecast

off the planets and the stars,

through the Milky Way

and onto Jupiter's arrow.

Broadcasting...

with the gods, I like to call it.

Reaching people

for hundreds and millions of miles.

So, is this where

Ron Burgundy goes

when he's tired of being

San Diego's number one anchorman?

You are a firecracker.

Ron:
How is everyone tonight?

Good to see you.

So, here it is.

My little sanctuary, Tino's.

- Like I said, it's not much--

- Oh, no, to the contrary,

- it's quite charming and colorful.

- Well, good.

- Mr. Burgundy...

- Yes.

because of the story you did

last year about delinquent landlords,

- we had heat for Christmas.

- That was October 11th,

Tuesday night, I was wearing

a red tie with white speckles...

are you Paula Tran?

You are a national treasure,

Mr. Burgundy.

Well, thank you. We'll try to get you

some air conditioning this summer.

Take care.

Oh, this city really

seems to love you.

Well, it's like having

one million children,

predominantly Asian.

Narrator:
Meanwhile, as Ron

and Veronica's romance blossomed,

the team found themselves

even more alone...

and confused.

I saw the funniest thing

the other day. It was this balloon,

it was just popping around

in this string.

I would hit it with my hand,

it would just keep popping back up.

You guys would have loved it.

Let's do something.

I'm bored.

Hey, I got an idea.

Let's tear up the Channel 9

News teams' lawn, huh?

Whammy? Huh?

Whammy.

Eh, why the hell not?

Hell's bells, not again!

You sons of b*tches!

That's the fifth time this month!

I'm getting tired of it.

I was in Korea!

I miss Ron.

You know, I have an admission

to make, Mr. Burgundy.

When we first met, I-- I--

thought that you were just like

every other anchor.

But... you're not.

God, I was

so tongue-tied that night.

I kept wishing there was

a Teleprompter for life.

It's ridiculous

to think about now.

What about you, Veronica?

What are your hopes?

What are your dreams?

- What are your passions?

- Well...

believe it or not,

we share the same dream.

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