Wake Up, Ron Burgundy: The Lost Movie Page #3

I, too, want to be

a network anchor.

Oh boy!

And I'd like to be

king of Australia.

Seriously, you sound like

an insane person.

No, I'm very serious,

Mr. Burgundy.

You see, I've always been...

cursed with a talent for pursuits usually

dominated by men.

When I was a little girl,

instead of playing house,

I would play drill sergeant

or butcher.

Later on in high school, instead

of trying out for cheerleading,

I was president

of the bow hunting club.

One morning, I read

the announcements over the PA,

just the sound of my voice...

so powerful,

commanding

all of those students,

grabbing their attention,

I just--

I knew I had

but one destiny,

and that was to be

the first female anchor.

Yes, the road has been lonely,

and...

difficult...

and lonely.

You are electric.

Now, Ron,

friend to friend,

sounds to me like you

better just be careful.

Just take some caution

with this, 'cause...

you're really making a lot of us

feel uneasy with this type of talk.

Well, this morning...

when I woke up...

and I saw Veronica

lying there next to me...

for a split second...

I actually cared about someone

more than Ron Burgundy.

That doesn't make any sense!

You're you,

she's a whole different person.

You care about her?

That's just crazy.

Well, if love is a form of madness,

then lock me up

and throw away the key.

( chuckles )

Ron:
Hey, gang!

Papa's home!

Oh, honey, I am so glad

you're home.

My alabaster doll,

mmm.

Gentlemen,

you look great.

No eye contact!

Oh, darling, oh!

I've spent all day cleaning your Emmys and

preparing dinner in the nude.

Oh, let's make whoopee.

- Oh, yes!

- You are a bad boy!

I'm bad! I need to go

to the principal's office.

I love my life!

You take that back

right now, Ron.

Or you tell me right now that

you're under some kind of spell

or witchcraft or you

got bit by a horrible bug.

- That's crazy!

- So where is Veronma--

Veronamaca now?

She's off to go do

her first story,

The Feline Fashion Show.

I hope she can handle it.

This is big time.

( applause )

Oh, next we have

a popular favorite--

the bride and the pirate.

Yes, it's time for a pirate wedding,

enacted by cats.

Emcee:
And now here's

Felinus Maximus, ready to do battle.

All right, let's just do

my sign-off and get out of here.

Hello, my name is Paul.

Um, this is so cool,

what you do.

Maybe we can get an Orange Julius later

and you can tell me all about it.

Look, sir, I'm about to broadcast,

so if you'll excuse me, please.

I noticed the cables.

They go out into your van.

- ( sighs )

- I almost tripped and broke my leg.

If anybody gets a van like that,

can they broadcast their own news?

Sir, we're about to go live

in about 20 seconds.

- You're gonna have to move off-camera.

- Hey, I can dig it.

You've got to let the truth ring out,

wake up all the squares

in this city of lies. How about

that Orange Julius later?

Get the hell away from me

before I kick you!

And we're on in three...

It was quite a show down here

at the Pet Shack.

And just for today,

fashion curiosity did not kill the cat.

It made him look ''purr-fect.''

From the Pet Shack in Fulton,

I'm Veronica Corningstone

for Channel 4 News.

Nice little story.

That, of course,

was Veronica Corningstone.

I'd also like to share with you

that currently we are dating.

And I have to tell you, she's quite

a creative partner in the bedroom.

She did this one thing

on Tuesday night

that involved a hula-hoop

and a lasso...

- and an ice cream scooper.

- Man:
Ron!

What? Well, that's going to do

it for all of us here at 6:00.

For the Channel 4 News team,

I'm Ron Burgundy.

You stay classy,

San Diego.

Oh, that's good.

That's just good.

You're not eating your food.

Oh, you stupid, stupid man!

I can't believe that you said

that we were dating on the air, Ron!

I thought you would like it!

Don't you get it, Ron?

Well, I doubt anyone heard it,

I said it very fast.

- Besides, I think people--

- Hey, you two.

- Congrats on getting it on.

- Thanks you, it really is remarkable.

I bet you're both

great in the sack.

Let's just say

we get the job done.

And this little lady over here,

she knows how to handle herself.

- Man:
Yeah.

- Okay.

- Are you both athletic?

- You know, I have a bad back.

Bad lower back, so I have

to watch out for that.

But other than that, I will do

some things in the bedroom

- that'll blow your mind.

- Ron!

- Shh!

- Enjoy your meal.

That was very nice.

I'm sorry, Veronica. I--

I truly am!

I don't know what to say,

I just--

I got excited.

Look, I report the news,

that's what I do.

And today's top story...

in Ron Burgundy's world

read something like this--

''I love Veronica Corningstone.''

Oh, Ron!

Are you two about

to get it on?

Oh no, no, no, no.

Not right now, maybe later.

- Okay, stop answering him.

- I'm just trying to be polite.

You know, 'cause getting it on's

a beautiful thing, you know.

Hi, hi!

Geoff Grendon. I didn't

introduce myself, Geoff.

E-O-double F.

- Geoff Grendon.

- If you all need photos.

- If you ever need wedding photography--

- Great.

Or boudoir photography.

I'd love to write that down.

If you have a pen, I don't have a pen--

- You're being very inappropriate.

- Yeah, hey...

Do y'all need more cheese?

I can...

Honey, can I have your napkin

to write down Geoff's name?

- G-E-O-F-F--

- G...

- G-E-O-F-F, Grendon.

- Grendon.

Well, I understand,

Mr. Dawson.

But, he is my son

and I would prefer

if you didn't refer to him

as ''a dirty little animal.''

Well, okay, if that

makes you feel happy.

But let me just say I...

I really feel Chris is at a point

that he's ready to turn

everything around.

What's that?

You don't?

Well, fair enough.

But let me just say--

Let me just--

Let me-- okay.

Well, thanks for listening

to my side of it anyway, sir.

You have a nice day.

Goodbye.

Um... I could come back later,

Mr. Harken.

No, no, it's just

parent stuff.

It seems that

our youngest Chris

was joyriding with a sheet

of acid and a spear gun.

Anywho, what can I

do you for?

Mr. Harken, I wanna investigate

The Alarm Clock.

A source of mine at the FBl

says that they are planning

a citywide disruption.

Take a shot at the meat loaf story,

honey, and we'll see how that goes.

Well, what if I refuse?

Well, then you'll

probably be fired.

Garth, let me handle this!

I'd probably have

to fire you, sweetpants.

Well, then I would sue you, sir,

for sexual harassment.

Ooh, I like

the sound of that.

Sexual Her-ass-ment.

Mr. Harken, you have a lot to learn

about a professional work environment.

''You have a lot to learn about a

professional work environment.''

That is very immature

and counterproductive.

''That is very immature

and counterproductive.''

- Stop it. Stop it!

- ''Stop it. Stop it!''

- Stop it!

- No. ''Stop it.''

Oh my God, nobody has done that

to me since the sixth grade.

''No one has done that to me

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