Wake Up, Ron Burgundy: The Lost Movie Page #4

since the sixth grade.''

Screw you, Harken!

Wait a minute, are you

coming on to me?

Because if you are,

I am interested!

Narrator:
Veronica was doing

extremely well as Ron's co-anchor,

some would even say

too well.

Veronica continued to win

awards and garner praise.

Ron's ego finally gave.

He would love Veronica, he would even

share a news desk with her,

but he would not be

outshone by her.

She's got to be stopped.

- This has gone too far.

- I will not be a co-anchor.

Ron Burgundy is a lead anchor.

She's writing

her own stories.

Her own stories, Ron.

Not to mention what this is doing

to your chances of going to network.

It's good to have you back. That female

messed with your head big time.

- I like Ron.

- Thank you, Brick.

Champ:
Remember

that limp-wristed fairy

that was supposed to do

the financial reports?

Oh yeah, we were

He was gay, all right. I made out

with him at the Christmas party.

- What?

- Uh, nothing.

I say we run Corningstone out

like we did that girlie-boy.

Well, I'm in.

So, it's settled.

We declare war on Corningstone.

By the way, Brick,

what is that you're eating?

Oh, it's one of those...

delicious falafel hot dogs

with cinnamon and bacon on top.

What do you mean

''one of those''?

Those don't exist.

I mean, that's a used coffee filter

with cigarette butts on it.

Well, I got it out of the food basket

at the end of the lunch line.

- That's the garbage can.

- Mm-hmm.

Although with the cooking at this place,

there's not much difference.

- Whammy.

- ( all laughing )

Ron:
Oh, that is true.

I didn't see that coming.

An astute observation

has led to laughter.

We are laughing.

And it is continuing,

and then slowing down a little,

- but there's still a good spirit--

- Brian:
Yeah, we got it, Ron.

It's getting less.

There's a little chuckle...

and it's done.

You really wreck moments

when you do that, Ron.

Brick, please...

you're really gonna get sick.

The Coast Guard

was unavailable for comment.

- Veronica?

- A North Oregon man has come forward

with an antique sword

he found in his basement.

It turns out the sword belonged

to Christopher Columbus

and may be worth $200,000.

The man said he would

keep his job as a car wash attendant.

Ron?

The... San Diego Padres...

flew to Cincinnati.

Veronica Corningstone.

- ls this Veronica Corningstone?

- Yes, it is.

Did you order... 10 pizzas?

- No, I did not.

- Well...

you got nice boobies.

Excuse me?

This is pathetic, Ron.

Veronica:

What are you doing, Ron?

She can see us.

Damn these blinds,

I never figured them out.

Lasers are becoming

more and more

a part of our daily lives.

And now here's Champ Kind

with sports.

Boy, you seem

kind of weird tonight, honey.

It must be that time of the month.

Whammy! ( chuckles )

Padres looking at

a double header today--

I'm just curious, Champ,

do you even know

what the expression

''that time of the month'' means?

Sure I do.

It's when the bones...

in a lady--

lady's b*obs, they get sore.

Because of the...

the vaginalistic cells are...

expanding.

Whammy.

Help.

Well, I'll tell you...

You girls, you talk about it

a lot and you--

I know this, I know-- I know...

it's your little friend,

and then, you gotta wear...

- protection.

- Mmm.

And then,

the belly button

is inflamed

and...

and then engorging of the...

- fah-la-cule.

- ''Fallacule.''

Yeah. You might wanna

write that down, honey.

- Oh, I am.

- Little lesson tonight.

You didn't know you were dealing

with the science desk there, huh?

Champ:
And then...

nine months later is the miracle

of life. Whammy, huh?

Thank-- thank you, Champ.

That will do it for sports.

Back to you, Ron.

Well, that was Champ Kind

with a very informative sports report.

Okay, it's ringing,

it's ringing.

- It's ringing.

- Here she comes, here she comes.

- Pick it up.

- Pick it up!

Veronica Cor...

Hello, Veronica.

( chuckling )

Oh, Ron.

Really stupid, boys!

Really stupid!

Oh, you got her.

Everybody get down,

this is a robbery!

Paul:

We are The Alarm Clock.

It's time to let

the truth ring out

and wake up

all the squares

in this city of lies!

We got guns,

now fill this sack with cash!

What do your masks mean?

Just fill the sack

with cash!

Just what point

are you trying to make?

- Do you not like Lincoln?

- Yeah, of course we like Lincoln.

- He freed the slaves.

- So you like Lincoln and...

Nixon and...

werewolves?

- What?

- I mean, Nixon, whatever.

He's kind of a creep,

but werewolves?

Werewolves are

the walking undead.

They're bloodthirsty killers.

- Who likes werewolves?

- We don't like werewolves, man!

- We hate werewolves!

- Well, you've got a werewolf mask on,

- so...

- I can see that.

Are you bloodthirsty killers?

No, we are not bloodthirsty killers,

okay? We're pacifists!

That's not a really smart thing to tell

somebody when you're robbing them,

'cause now I know

that you're not gonna kill me.

- Man, somebody shut her up!

- No, no, listen.

You've got it all wrong, okay?

They're just to cover our faces.

No, I'm not gonna give you money,

because you didn't deserve it.

You say you're a political group?

You come in here

with a Nixon mask,

and a werewolf mask

and a Lincoln mask--

I'm gonna make connections.

So, what's your statement?

And this guy's not even

wearing a mask!

'Cause I don't give a sh*t.

That's scary to me.

That works.

I will give that gentleman

a little bit of money.

But the rest of you, beat it!

What's going on?

Just get the money!

Hey, listen.

Our commitment is to truth,

not consistency.

Now fill the sack with cash!

Fine, your commitment is to truth?

Here's some truth for you.

The Alarm Clock

is a ridiculous name.

- It's not scary.

- Man, she's pissing me off,

- let's shoot her!

- Excuse me, sir,

- could you lower your voice?

- Oh, hell no.

Now you're calling me sir?

I am a ma'am, ma'am.

I'm sorry, I didn't know what sex

the werewolf was.

How many werewolves do you see

around here wearing a skirt...

and a gun? None!

You know what? Get out of here,

you d*cks! You're a bunch of d*cks!

I told you we should've

worn stocking masks.

All right, let's get out of here!

All right, let's go. Come on.

It's been a pleasure

doing business with you.

I'm coming back for you.

You got a bad attitude.

You've got a bad attitude, sir.

You-- you're a jerk.

( Mouse sighs ) I'm sick of this.

I'm gonna move to Tahoe.

Paul:
No! I mean,

be cool, baby,

we're gonna get our message

on TV, I promise.

I would like the next person

in line, please.

Everybody get down!

We are The Alarm Clock,

it's time to let the truth ring out

and wake up all the squares

in this city of lies.

We got guns, now fill

this sack with cash!

Turn it off.

This was their sloppiest

robbery yet,

which could mean

they're getting desperate.

- How new is this?

- Forget it.

Channel 9 already aired it

as an exclusive.

- Aw, man nipple!

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