Wake Up, Ron Burgundy: The Lost Movie Page #5

- ''Man nipple?''

- ls that a curse word?

- I'm pretty sure it is.

It's too bad, Ed.

We could've used a scoop like this.

''Wake up all the squares

in this city of lies.''

God, I've heard that

somewhere before.

Really?

Doesn't ring a bell to me.

Veronica:

Donna? Donna?

- Donna?

- ( gasps ) Oh!

- I'm sorry. You okay?

- Yes.

Listen, Donna,

I need the unedited tape

of the cat fashion show

that I did a while back.

- Do you have that?

- Sure, Ms. Corningstone.

Oh, wonderful.

( clears throat )

- Here we go.

- Oh, good, thank you.

Can I just say that I think

you're fantastic?

- Oh...

- I see you, and you're just going.

And you're a girl.

It just makes me

want to yell, ''Keep going, girl!''

or ''You go, girl!''

Keep working on that.

''Keep it up, lady.''

I don't know.

- That's probably silly.

- Are we done here?

- Oh, oh yeah.

- Oh good. All right, thank you, Donna,

- very much.

- And you're pretty.

And I'm bisexual.

I'm having a fondue party...

in my pants.

- You're gonna have to move off-camera.

- Hey, I can dig it.

You've got to let the truth ring out,

wake up all the squares

in this city of lies.

Garth, put Harken

on the phone right now,

he's gonna wanna hear this.

Sons of b*tches.

Ed?

Can you spell ''award''?

You can't?

You're watching Channel 4 News

with Ron Burgundy,

and introducing our new lead anchor,

Veronica Corningstone.

It's Channel 4 News at 6:00.

- I'm Ron Burgundy.

- And I'm Veronica Corningstone.

Tonight's top story.

A chemical spill outside of Temecula

has closed down all lanes

of lnterstate 15.

CHP has evacuated the area,

and has reported

that there are no injuries.

Local officials are concerned

about the long-term

environmental effects

and are looking

where to place the blame.

Yeah, that's nice, Billy.

I've witnessed train wrecks

that weren't this ugly.

Also, in other news today, if you're

planning on taking the city bus,

it's gonna cost you extra.

City officials have raised

bus fares

from 25 a ride to 35,

so you're gonna have to

dig a little deeper.

Fine!

Ed:
I know this has been

real hard for you, Ron.

I'm not gonna lie to you, Ed,

it's been a bear.

- You aren't crying, are you?

- Nope.

I wouldn't think

any less of you if you did.

- I'm not gonna cry, come on.

- All right.

If it's any consolation, Ron,

this girl is good.

She is damn good.

- She is a dynamic anchor.

- Yeah.

What's more, she is a hell

of a journalist in the field.

- I know you don't wanna hear it.

- I get it, I get it.

Now look, I think it's time

that I get out on the streets

and do some real hard-hitting

journalism, you know?

I wanna-- I wanna--

I've really been pondering, and I think

I'd make a hell of a reporter.

Oh, boy, Ron,

I think that is a bad idea.

You know, you don't do well

without a Teleprompter.

Well, that's just a rumor, okay?

Now look, let me put together

a weekly feature

where I rip the lid off

of some big story.

Hey Harken, nice suspenders, dick.

- What was that all about?

- That's my son.

Look, Ron, people seem

to like you. I'm not sure why,

but I'll tell you what. I'll put you

in the field if that's what you want.

- Great.

- But you've got to do this right.

I mean, follow leads,

confirm sources.

I am talking real journalism,

my friend.

Great. Right on.

Now, what's a lead?

Well, Ron, a lead

is when you find information

that ''leads'' you

to larger stories.

- Of course, you know what a source is.

- Easy. Yes.

No, I lied,

I don't know.

Well, a sour-- oh, Jeez. Why don't you

just watch Corningstone?

- She has a handle on what's going on.

- Okay.

She's always on the phone,

she's viewing tapes.

She's probably got

dozens of juicy leads.

- I'll watch her like a hawk.

- You do that. I have confidence in you.

- Now, I'm gonna go grab some steam.

- Great.

Ron, ''I'm'' gonna go grab

some steam.

- Right. See you, Ed.

- See you back at the office.

I won't let you down.

Helen?

Helen, has anyone

been at my desk?

Because I am missing some

very important papers that I need

- for a story that I'm working on.

- Yes, Ron came by,

he said there were

some naked pictures of him

he wanted to get them

back from you, so...

What? He did what?

Oh, that... man!

I hope that crazy gypsies

castrate him

and feed it to the dogs!

- May I have some tea?

- Yes, of course.

You have such passion.

All right, team, I've got

a hot lead right here.

Really? Where'd you get it?

- Stole it from Corningstone.

- Oh cool, what is it?

It says Paul Hauser,

a tropical fish clerk at Pet Shack,

is head of the radical political group

known as The Alarm Clock.

Has his home address

and everything. Oh my golly.

- This is great.

- Wow.

This is a big story.

You could win the Wurlitzer for this.

Hey, look, a camera.

Hey, if I win the Wurlitzer,

you guys are all coming to the dinner.

- What do you say we do it, gang?

- Sweet sugar brown.

Step on it, Brian. We're about

to rip the lid off of this thing.

I'm Ron Burgundy, San Diego,

and it's time to rip

the lid off of it!

I'm Ron Burgundy, reporting to you

from the mean streets of San Diego.

So mean, in fact,

I feel frightened for my life.

Guess what, citizens?

A political radical

who's been eluding authorities

for months is living here, among you.

But I'm now going to--

rip the lid off of it!

Ron:

Let's go. Hurry up.

Be swift. Be swift.

Stay close, guys.

Let's go, guys,

stay sharp.

Well, if it isn't Mr. Hauser.

How are you today, devil?

- What?

- You heard what I said.

You are the devil incarnate.

What is that, a devil sandwich

made of lies and hubris?

I think you must have

the wrong house.

- Do I have the wrong house?

- Yeah, Hauser lives across the street.

Oh, that's a deceptive ploy,

isn't it?

I ought to knock you in the hip.

My name is Anthony Caltran.

Why don't you shut your mouth,

you filthy piece of trash?

Go to back to prison where every pervert

can pass you around for cigarettes.

I don't understand.

What's happening?

Would you like to tell the fine people of San

Diego what you've been up to?

Lies, corruption, deceit?

- Thuggery, buffoonery.

- Me?

I don't like the way

you're looking at me.

You should avert your gaze,

because you are a low-life scum

who doesn't pay taxes and, as far

as I'm concerned, is a Communist.

- No, not I.

- What would you say

if I boxed you in the ears

for San Diego?

This-- this ring right here

that says RB.

I'd knock and break both of those--

the pair of spectacles you have on.

I got problems already with my ears.

I don't need anymore.

I'll give you more problems.

I'll give you problems in your kidneys.

I'm gonna batter your kidneys.

Champ, hold on to the microphone here.

- I'm going to town.

- Champ:
Hey, Ron?

- This is gonna be good.

- Champ:
Ron, he's right.

The mailbox, it says Caltran.

We got the wrong house.

My apologies. Sorry,

you have a great day. Wrong house.

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