Wake Up, Ron Burgundy: The Lost Movie Page #6

We make mistakes, that's okay.

That's what happens in the news biz.

All right, let's try over here.

Stay focused, guys.

Stay focused,

pick up the pace!

On behalf of Channel 4 News

and the ''Rip the Lid Off of It'' gang,

I'd just like to say thank you

for letting us interview you

on such short notice.

I don't know why you guys

wanna talk to me,

- I just sell tropical fish.

- Duly noted.

As a real journalist,

I have to start with one question...

Are you the leader of a radical group

known as The Alarm Clock?

- No.

- Sorry to have bothered you.

All right, let's get that cable up

and shove out of here.

I think we should...

Oh, yes.

Then how do you respond

to these security photos of you

outside the bank five minutes

before it was robbed

by four members of the group?

You're touching his face,

Brick. Look alive.

Well, that happens

to be my bank.

Just because I go there doesn't

make me a dangerous radical.

By that logic, you could arrest anybody

who's ever been to a bank.

Paul:

You know, like I just-- like I said,

I just-- I work in a pet store,

you know?

Pet Shack, you know?

- I sell tropical birds.

- Right.

I'm not even--

I'm not much for politics.

Once again, I am sorry.

Big hearty handshake there.

All right, let's bring the van

around the front,

- and maybe get lunch at Lancer's.

- ( clearing throat )

I'll have a veal chop.

Would you stop coughing, Brian?

- Look at these.

- Do you need a lozenge?

Oh, right.

How could I forget?

Then how do you explain

this clear voice match

between you and the man

in the security cam footage?

A lot of guys talk like I do.

- Maybe it's my brother.

- Your brother?

- Hadn't thought of that.

- Paul:
Or...

Or maybe The Alarm Clock

is going off!

You're gonna pay for this,

Ron Burgundy!

Let the truth ring out!

Follow him with the camera!

Ron:

Oh boy, he's fast.

Boy, we really ripped

the lid off of that!

He took the van.

Oh my God.

He is a member of The Alarm Clock.

Ron's voice:

This is fun!

All right,

what do we do now?

Since this report was filed,

Paul Hauser has disappeared.

Unfortunately, police were

just days away from arresting him,

but now must start

from scratch.

Well, that was

quite a story, Ron.

Well, I appreciate that,

it sure was.

I really kind of found myself

as a reporter, as journalist.

But, that's my job.

I'm a journalist,

I'm a very good journalist.

I'm a damn fine journalist.

And right now,

I'm sensing some jealousy.

But, that's part of the game.

And sometimes some people

are better, and other people aren't.

So, coming up

after the commercial break,

Brick Tamland, he's gonna

have a little weather report for you.

We have a hot one in store

over here in Fallbrook.

It's 100, and you can expect

on Tuesday--

Not yet, Brick.

- We'll be right back.

- We'll be right back.

Huh? That's

how you do it...

- by the way, P.S.

- Unbelievable.

Unbelievably good.

Champ:
That was great,

that came off really well.

Thank you, I couldn't

have done it without you guys.

Narrator:

lmpeding a federal investigation,

stealing another reporter's lead

and not to mention

losing an $80,000 news van,

Ron was fired that night

by Ed Harken.

And once again,

he hit bottom... fast.

Driver:

You bastard, we trusted you.

Narrator:
In fact, Ron bottomed out

as fast as just about anyone.

He sometimes bottomed out

when he couldn't find a parking place

or if the sports section

was missing from the paper.

Anyway, I feel like

I'm explaining this too much.

Narrator:

Sharon! Damn it, Sharon,

I'm recording narration,

turn that phone off.

Sorry about that.

So anyway, he hit bottom.

? You got me going in circles. ?

Announcer:

It's Channel 4 News at 6:00.

Good evening, San Diego.

I'm lead anchor, Veronica Corningstone.

This just in.

The group The Alarm Clock,

using the Channel 4 News van,

- ran an armored car off the road today

- Ron:
Damn it, Harken!

and stole nearly $50,000.

- Oh, for crying out loud!

- The group has been using the van

ever since they stole it

from former anchor, Ron Burgundy.

I hope you're happy.

I'm trying to just enjoy my ribs.

From all of us here

at Channel 4 News,

I'm Veronica Corningstone

and you stay classy, San Di--

( clears throat )

Thanks for stopping by,

San Diego.

Man:

All clear.

Charlie, I needed

that research last week.

Well, get it to me

as soon as possible. Thank you.

- Miss Corningstone?

- Yes?

I tried calling the mayor's office,

but they won't call me back.

Well, try again.

Tell them that it's me

and that he owes me something.

He knows that.

Why do you have to keep

typing this in Chinese, Lloyd?

Helen, would you put Ron

on the phone?

You know what? Forget it.

It's all right, no.

I'll call him later.

The Vs aren't working

on my typewriter.

It's ''eronica Corningstone.''

That's horrible, they can't say that.

My name's not Eronica.

What did I do wrong?

Ron's voice:

? I'm not home right now ?

? I am not home ?

? I am out, so leave a message ?

? When the machine goes beep. ?

Ron, this is your mentor,

Jess Moondragon.

I thought maybe

you'd like to talk.

Jess...

help me.

Ron:

You've done well for yourself, Jess.

Yeah, I dreaded

retirement forever,

until I found this piece

of land.

- It's God's country.

- Magnificent.

Mother Nature sure got up

on the right side of bed today, huh?

She's a giving lady,

Mother Nature, she is.

She didn't even bother

to put on makeup.

You know, I'd deeply like

to take her and...

- make love to her.

- Mmm.

She's an elusive goddess,

Mother Nature.

Yeah.

Still, to...

feel her succulent breasts

pressed against me...

- Mmm.

- and my breath,

whispering hot in her ear...

''Yeah, baby...''

while I fumble

with my belt.

You get my drift, friend?

Yeah, yeah I do.

I do, but therein

lies the rub,

for she turns away

all suitors.

I'd like to take Mother Nature

to a sleazy motel,

get in the shower and...

wash each other all over,

then go in the bedroom and do things

you can only do in Bangkok.

All right, I'm gonna

have to stop you there.

You're making me

very uncomfortable.

Sorry, Ron Burgundy, I--

Mother Nature

does that to me.

So I guess you heard

what happened to me.

I did indeed, old friend.

Everyone hates me, Jess.

I can't work anywhere.

My dream of going network

is all but dead.

Now you listen to me,

the world always needs

a good anchor,

and Ron Burgundy

is a damn fine one,

so you just hang in there.

That's your advice?

''Hang in there''?

Look, I don't know why

you ever looked up to me

so much in the first place.

I'm not all that great a guy.

Well then, I guess

I'll be going.

You know, it's funny.

I always wanted to do a broadcast

from the observatory.

I bet you could reach

a million homes from up there.

Now I'd be happy

to reach just one.

Why don't you take

a naked nature walk with me?

- It'd cheer you up.

- Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.

I tell you, you get out there

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