Wake Up, Ron Burgundy: The Lost Movie Page #7

and everything's just hanging free...

- Kind of weird.

- The deer come up, sniff you...

- Not my style.

- It's neat. Bend over to pick a flower

- and that cold nose--

- Okay. Now I'm getting uncomfortable.

I got extra sandals.

- I bet you do.

- No, really, I mean, come on--

- Nope. Nope.

- You'd like it. It'd make me happy.

- Nope.

- Make an old man happy.

- Not gonna do it.

- Come on.

Well, hello,

Miss Anchor-liar.

Guess what? Now you're gonna

read the real news.

I hope you don't mind,

I ate some of your cottage cheese.

Hey, what're you doing?

Give me the whistle.

Let's go.

Come on, come on.

- Move!

- Move it.

Chris, how many times

have we had this conversation?

- About a million times.

- I guess it'll be a million and one,

so listen up. You cannot

hang around people's houses at night

- wearing a ski mask.

- I'm not hanging out, I'm doing stuff.

- Well, it makes them nervous.

- Sorry, Dad. God.

If you have to be back there,

take a look,

see what you gotta see

and then leave like a gentleman.

- B*tch.

- And if they start to scream,

- don't try to ''shut them up.''

- ls it cool if I smoke a joint?

Now what do you think?

Oh, sweet. Thanks, dude.

Will you put that thing out?

Shut up! You're not

the boss of me anymore, I'm 14!

See the hair on my chest?

It means I'm a man now.

I'm sorry I didn't see it.

You think you're tough?

Take a swing.

I'll hit you so hard

you'll be wearing a catheter

as a charm bracelet.

I'm right here!

I'm gonna kill myself!

Oh, promises, promises!

- Ed! I'm sorry to interrupt.

- It's all right. We were

just having a little

father and son chat.

Veronica's MlA. The police found

this note in her apartment.

''Dig it, at long last,

Miss News Witch

will read the truth.''

Signed The Alarm Clock.

See, Dad? I told you I wasn't

part of that group.

Okay, it looks like

I owe your mother $10.

Always accusing me.

Hey, don't ''boge'' on my jay!

What's up?

Oh... never mind!

I'll hold that as evidence.

You take this down to fingerprinting.

We don't have fingerprinting,

do we? Just file it.

You'd do well

to emulate that young man.

He's pulled himself up

by his bootstraps.

''Garth, take this down

and put it in the files.''

- ''Garth, do everything I say.''

- Oh, that's a nice mouth.

I suppose you wanna

be like your friend

who's so proud of himself

'cause he's considered a model prisoner.

Spider at least

has a good heart.

In local news...

Dr. Jim Bavelick

grew the world's largest tomato.

Hey, fella,

you need to take a bath.

You're starting to stink.

You don't talk to me like that,

I'm an anchorman.

You take care of that stink,

or I'm gonna call the police.

- You hear me, Ace?

- Yeah, I hear you, Ace!

I'll crush your balls

in these two cups here.

- What did you say?

- I said I'll crush--

This is Wes Mantooth reporting

live from the residence

of rival anchorperson

Veronica Corningstone,

where last night she was

apparently kidnapped by The Alarm Clock.

Veronica.

Police believe that the group

is trying to get Miss Corningstone

to anchor a pirate broadcast

from an unknown location

of their sick, twisted message.

And while it is not my job

to speculate,

odds are...

she's probably already dead.

Bartender:

I wonder where those hippies took her.

It must be somewhere

with a big enough broadcast radius--

Eli Whitney's nose!

I know where they are!

The San Diego Observatory.

- It's the highest point in the area.

- You need to call the cops,

- there's a phone right by the door.

- No.

If they go up there

with their sirens blaring,

those crazies could panic.

I did this.

Now I have to make it right.

Good evening, I'm Ron Burgundy.

Son of a man nipple.

Mother-flippin'

Ron Burgundy is back.

If I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna need

my news team at my side.

Ron:

News team...

assemble!

I'm sorry we turned

our backs on you, Ron.

Champ:

I'm sorry, Ron. That was horrible.

Hey, all is forgiven, all right?

I'm just glad we're

back together as a team.

- We love you, Ron.

- Thanks, man.

I love you, Ron.

I said I love you, Ron.

Why is everyone ignoring me?

I love you, Ron.

And I think we should

adopt a child together in Vermont.

Answer me!

So...

the car's running great.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- Take it in for a tune-up?

- Yeah. Changed the oil and...

- Good.

Answer me! Ron!

Ron...

I know you heard me.

I love you.

And I wanna be with you...

like men.

I wanna be inside you.

I want you inside me.

- Brian:
Anybody up for the radio?

- I would love to hear the radio.

No radio!

I have something to say to Ron!

You know I've had feelings

for you for a long time.

We'd be good together, Ron,

I-- I--

I'm a good cook.

Do you like

your feet rubbed? I bet you do.

I'll rub 'em,

and maybe we could...

get married in a ceremony

presided over by Roger Staubach.

I already called him last week,

I hope that's okay.

Mexican food on me?

- Brian:
Thanks. Sounds okay.

- Brick:
Yeah, burrito.

Say it!

Say, ''Champ Burgundy.''

Say it!

Tostada.

- Tostadas would be great.

- Brian:
Oh, man.

I am in love

with Ron Burgundy!

I'm always thinking

about you, Ron.

I have dream journals

about you.

Filled pages.

When I make love to women,

I close my eyes

and think of you

when I finish.

? Ron Burgundy... ?

? ls in love with me ?

? Ron Burgundy ?

? And Champion Kind ?

? Oh, let's be

so beautiful together ?

? Running in the grass ?

? In the summer and the fall ?

? And wintertime, too. ?

- How much longer do you think, Brian?

- It's gotta be another five minutes.

- The problem is the altitude.

- Right.

Champ:
Ron?

I know you can hear me.

I wanna...

I wanna kiss you

on the mouth.

I wanna...

Ron...

Ron.

Ron...

- It's good to get my parking spot back.

- Brian:
Yeah.

I love you!

Don't ignore me!

I am in love with Ron Burgundy!

Paul:

Hey, girl.

Man, the transmitter's

all set up.

From this altitude,

we can overlap into every channel,

every station, every frequency.

Dig it. It's time

to light this bad boy up.

I'm gonna tell you.

Hello, gentlemen.

Everything is ready for you.

Thank you, Jess Moondragon.

Boy, you should really

put some pants on.

It's all right. Now remember,

the observatory

is directly over that mountain pass.

- Right.

- That's some rough country,

- How're we gonna get up there?

- As I said...

everything is ready for you.

God be with you,

Channel 4 News Team!

God be with you!

This is serious, this is not a--

No, don't do that to him.

Ron:

Let's go, fellas. Give 110/.

Come on! We've almost got it!

Ron:

Stay close, gang.

This is treacherous country.

My ankle.

Gentlemen...

bad news.

I believe we're lost.

Ron, what're we gonna do?

We don't have any food or water.

Take it easy!

Just everyone relax!

If we panic, we die!

Okay? Easy!

Now...

Okay, let's check

the wind direction.

And f--

No, no, shut up!

Everyone shut up!

We've got...

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