Waking Ned Page #2

Go away with you.

I brought you home many a night.

And I bought you a packet...

of your favorite Mexican crisps.

Aye, and no offense, now, Finn.

I bought you some

expensive fruity soaps.

Take them home

and try them out.

Mmm.

Ah, boys, what are you up to?

Nothin'.

Can I not buy you a pint?

Did you come into

some money, Jackie?

No. But you'd be the first

to share in it if I had, Finn.

Right.

Where have you been?

I've been in bed an hour.

Oh, shut up.

- You're drunk.

- I am not.

What's the news?

I spent ten pounds

on Finn...

and all he wanted was

advice on his sick pig.

- Is the sports car his?

- Not at all.

He's lookin' after it

for his brother.

Then I spent another

forty on the locals...

in case the winner was

hidden among them.

You're actin' like you

won the lotto yourself.

Aye, yeah.

Rockefeller, that's me.

I followed me nose

to Mrs. Kennedy's.

I took a meat pie

to soften her up.

Go on.

Found her on her own

drinkin' champagne.

- It's her, then.

- Hold on.

No sooner was my

meat pie in her belly...

than she tells me that

her daughter's belly's...

fill-up with a new baby.

That's why she was singin'

"The Golden Goose. "

Sure, she's over the moon.

Lord, would you look at that?

We're already fifty pounds

and one meat pie lighter.

You're not gettin'

your toaster, Lizzy.

Let that be an end to it.

I'm an old disabled person

with no money, Fitzgerald.

And you're taking advantage.

Your toaster is mended...

but you can't take it

until you've paid for it.

You're ripping me off,

Fitzgerald.

I'm fed up with you takin'

without payin', woman.

Get out of my way.

- Whoa!

- You little gobshite!

Mornin', boys.

How's the heads?

Lord, we were

heavy drunk last night.

The whole bar was heavy drunk,

thanks to you.

Listen, there's a rumor you've

come into some money.

- What?

- Ha ha ha ha!

Oh, Janey Mac, I wish I had.

I was just treatin' me friends

with the little I've got.

I came over this morning

to make sure I'd settled up.

I'd hate to be owin'

you anything, Dennis.

Go on. On you go.

Go on. Good luck.

Mornin', Annie.

That Mrs. Kennedy is a fine

one for the champagne.

I thought it would

be you boys...

that would have the heads

this morning, not me.

We do have heads,

and they are sore...

but at the same time filled with

the very best of Irish brains.

Will those dead chickens

find the winner?

They will.

Jackie talked Mrs. Kennedy

into giving us...

a list of the regular

lotto players.

There's eighteen...

and each of those will be

invited to a chicken supper.

We'll sit them down,

feed them up...

and during the night,

we find the winner.

Yoo-hoo!

It's not me Christmas card

already, is it, Michael?

Christmas has come early

this year, Kitty.

Oh, how exciting.

Come in, Michael.

Come in.

I've been baking.

It's tempting, Kitty,

but I've more cards to deliver.

Is it a little love note,

Michael?

What are you up to?

Been writin'.

Ah, Maggie. Will you read

me some of your poetry?

Jesus, that's not poetry.

It's just words for a greetin'

card. There's a big difference.

Ah, it's poetry to me.

My cards are bought by

men on their way home...

who give them to their wives

who give them a bollocking...

for leavin' the price

on the back...

and they never even read

what I've written inside.

I read them.

Go on, Maggs, read us one.

No!

- Ah, will you go on, now?

- I can't.

Make my heart sing.

Ah, go on, Maggs. Just the one.

Just for me. Please?

Promise you won't laugh?

I certainly will not.

"Sometimes... "

No, "sometimes" is good.

"Sometimes. "

It's a lovely start.

Go on.

"Sometimes...

"some things are special. "

"Sometimes, someone is close. "

"Sometimes, you feel

you'll never quite say... "

"the some things that

matter the most. "

That's poetry, Maggie.

You've a real talent there.

It's bollocks, Finn.

It's a bit of extra cash.

I've been usin' some

fruity soaps, Maggie.

I've noticed.

Well, come on, then.

Let's get closer.

Oh, yes, please, Maggie.

It's been a long time,

hasn't it, Finn?

If it weren't for the pigs,

we'd be settled by now.

- We might.

- The pigs is all you know.

Maggie, can we forget

the pigs for the moment?

I'm sorry,

but if it weren't for the pigs...

Can we get closer, Maggie?

We can, but I can't wait

forever is what I'm sayin'.

I know, darlin'.

Come on down.

Oh, Finn...

I have missed you.

You could work with my da.

Oh, he hates me.

Come on, Maggie.

- In Fitzgerald's, then.

- He doesn't need anyone.

There must be somethin'

you're good at.

Come here,

and I'll show you, girl.

Come on, Maggie.

Oh!

I caught a whiff

of something then.

Oh, no. It's peaches.

Peach soaps, Maggie.

Oh, no.

- It's somethin' else.

- Could be strawberries.

Finn.

Oh, Maggie.

- Finn.

- Maggie.

Finn.

Oh, no. I'm sorry, luv.

It's still there.

No, Maggs.

No, Maggie, please. No.

No, I'm sorry.

What can you play?

Nothin', really.

I just like messing around.

Can you play songs

about Jesus?

No.

I wish I could.

So did he come to you, then?

- Who's that?

- Jesus.

Oh, Jesus.

Well, he did in

many ways, yes.

But did you see him?

Well, not exactly, no.

But you're workin' for him.

I am.

Doing the best I can.

Do you get paid for it?

Well, it's more a payment

of the spiritual kind, Maurice.

Right.

Do you think you could be

drawn to the church, Maurice?

- I don't think so.

- You never know.

I don't think I could work

for someone I'd never met...

and not get paid for it.

Did you enjoy

your supper, Michael?

I did, indeed, Kitty.

It was generous of

Jackie to splash out.

Oh, he's a generous man, Kitty.

Oh, grand.

Did you see Pig Finn...

in his brother's racing

car this week, Brendy?

I did.

I thought it was stolen.

Jackie, they tell me you

might be splashing out...

on a sports car yourself.

If I had the money, Brendy,

I wouldn't waste it on a car...

when me bike's outside.

How about yourself?

How about meself, what?

Will you be splashin'

out on a sports car?

Are you mad, man?

Just askin'.

Tell me, Tom, will you be

looking for a bigger house...

now that you've

had your baby?

So, Kitty, how did you

like your breast?

Me breast, Annie, was tasty.

Ah.

So tell us.

Are you goin' to take

a holiday this year?

Now, where would I get

the money for a holiday?

Sorry, girls.

- Ah, help yourself.

- There we go.

I see you've got

a little bit put away there.

No, but I've started saving.

Am I smellin' sweeter, Jackie?

I tried one of your

banana soaps.

Not sweet enough,

by the looks of it.

- Oh!

- Ah, that's my girl.

There's a raspberry

soap upstairs.

Try that tomorrow, huh?

- Raspberry?

- Yes. Try that.

Jackie,

am I right in thinkin'...

you've booked one of

these Caribbean cruises?

If I had the money, Dennis,

I wouldn't spend it...

floatin' around the Caribbean...

when I can float in

the cove for free. Eh?

For Christ's sake, Jackie,

would you mind telling us...

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